Morning Juice: Pint-Sized Reporter Points Out Our Shortcomings
Ten-year-old Damon Weaver got himself some press credentials to cover the inauguration for his Palm Beach County elementary school's TV station. This came about after a YouTube campaign Damon launched in which he used celebrities to try to convince Barack Obama to give him an interview. After learning about this story, I have just one question for Damon: Why are you trying to make us look bad?
The Morning Juice News Team -- me, my laptop, which I call Steve, my dog, and, Big Larry, this guy at the coffee shop who keeps telling me what to write -- are feeling a bit shamed. Unlike this ten-year-old, we don't have a YouTube channel, a fancy video camera, a suit, the ability to speak on camera, command of the English language, or a fourth-grade diploma. Seriously, though, Damon, if this elementary school thing doesn't work out, call me. I've been looking to replace the dog.
After the jump, a local plane crash survivor talks about his experience in a way that would make Lou Dobbs angry.
Local Plane Crash Survivor Says: "Lumea Trăieşte.' We Say: 'Huh?'
Turns out one of the survivors of the U.S. Airways crash yesterday in New York City is from Pompano Beach. Alberto Panero told reporters yesterday:
"Cumva avionul a rămas la suprafaţă şi am reuşit să ne urcăm pe plută. Este incredibil, dar toată lumea trăieşte."
Now, yes, that is in near-gibberish. But this Romanian newspaper report is the closest we could come to having a reporter on the ground, since Damon Weaver won't return my phone calls.
Teachers Protest for Higher Wages, Threaten My Dog's Job
Florida Launch vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Charlotte Hounds
TicketsSat., Jul. 22, 7:00pm
Intl. Champions Cup pres. by Heineken: Paris Saint-Germain v Juventus
TicketsWed., Jul. 26, 8:30pm
EL CLASICO MIAMI: Real Madrid CF v. FC Barcelona
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 7:30pm
Broward County teachers are holding a rally today asking for more pay. Sure, teachers are underpaid and they do the job of raising our children for us and stuff, but I'm against giving them more money when they're producing journalists who will put my dog out of work.
Arsonists Not Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader
Arsonists who were torching a Pompano Beach warehouse had things go haywire this weekend when one of them lit his own foot on fire. Police are looking for a guy with a burned foot and an intelligence level clearly lower than Damon Weaver's.
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