Morning Juice: Robber Has Pawn Problem, Homework Rules Promote Pot Smoking, Hiahleah is Blah, Blah, Blah
Robber Who Got $4 million in Jewelry Probably Got Ripped Off Too
The robber who knocked over a Palm Beach jewelry store on Sunday made off with a cool $4 million in goods. Police released a sketch of the robber, at right, and it turns out he LOOKS LIKE EVERY WHITE GUY I KNOW!
Police are looking for leads, but I think I know where they can find this guy. I'm betting he'll be spending the day returning to the pawn shops that gave him like $20 for $4 million in jewelry.
After the jump, the children, who are our future, apparently will not be doing future homework on the weekends.
Florida Launch vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Charlotte Hounds
TicketsSat., Jul. 22, 7:00pm
Intl. Champions Cup pres. by Heineken: Paris Saint-Germain v Juventus
TicketsWed., Jul. 26, 8:30pm
EL CLASICO MIAMI: Real Madrid CF v. FC Barcelona
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 7:30pm
Your Assignment Today, Class: Smoke Pot, Play Video Games
The Broward County School Board is considering adopting new rules on homework that would limit how much of it kids need to do over the weekend. The rules would also coordinate assignments so that too many projects aren't assigned at once to our lazy-ass children.
Magazine Says Hiahleah is Blah, Blah Blah
Forbes Magazine has named Hialeah one of the nation's most boring towns. Hialeah's mayor disputed the ranking. I don't have the direct quote but it was something like, "Hialeah is blah blah blah, and Forbes can suck it like blah blah blah." However, this news is terrific for crazy-boring places like Westin, Sunrise, and Plantation, where people are, apparently, slightly less bored than the super-boring town of Hiahleah.
-- Eric Barton
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