Morning Juice: Seminole Gambling Rocks, Sunrise Leaders Shout Like Children, Teachers Fail
It's agreed: We'll screw the poor.
New Card Games = I Go Free!
You may notice some bias in that previous sentence, but I'm being told by the fine Hard Rock security personnel to tell you that it has nothing to do with their presence over my shoulder. Sure, I spent the night at the blackjack tables. And yes, I bet more than the net worth of Latvia, while I actually owe my bank several overdraft charges. But I have come to realize that new and exciting card games bring in tourist dollars to the state, especially during the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's $250,000 holiday giveaway!
After the jump, more pro-casino bias inserted into unconnected news stories!
Teachers In Trouble
Turns out a new school grading system passed last year by lawmakers will have an unintended result of giving more schools "F" grades. That's too bad for educators, who will have to spend more time preparing lesson plans and less time at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's bike night every Tuesday.
Sit Down, Sunrise
All eighth grade social studies students know that a Democracy is run by electing the most petty, self-absorbed members of our society to lead the rest of us. And if the students don't know that, let's hope they took a field trip last night -- albeit the lamest field trip ever -- to the Sunrise City Commission meeting, where they would have seen grown men shout at each other like children. Like children who have been freebasing Pixie Stix. The problems started when Commissioner Joey Scuotto shouted:
"I don't have a problem with his wife. You are totally ridiculous! You are out of line! Gimme a break!"
That prompted the mayor to tell Joey to sit down. Joey didn't like that. Said Joey:
"I'm not sitting down! You're not my father!"
Here's where I might have normally said that it sounds like Joey needs a nap. But what Joey really needs to do is join the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's Players Club, "where you earn bonus points for your play on your favorite hot machines." That sentence, while helping Joey, also allowed me to erase two hours of gambling debt. Just eight more hours to go!
If you missed last night's Sunrise City Commission meeting, the altercation has been reenacted below, with Jack Black playing the part of Joey.
-- Eric Barton
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss New Times Broward-Palm Beach's biggest stories.
- AAA Offering Free Towing Through Thanksgiving Weekend
- Florida People We Are Thankful For This Thanksgiving
- Shots Fired Outside Club BAM Leaves Man Dead