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Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Welcome to the inaugural post of the Broward-Palm Beach edition of Mug-Shot Friday, a long-standing franchise focusing on the week's most eye-catching mug shots from South Florida's tat heads, tough guys, and femmes fatale. Check out Miami New Times' Riptide blog for the Miami-Dade edition.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Out-of-state fugitive
-- Our theory: All she wanted was a new license picture. She put on the special bracelets, got in line, and right before the picture was taken the camera guy yelled, "Just kidding -- you're going to jail."

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Unknown; possibly speeding in a school zone
-- At first glance, this looked like a textbook case of Old Guy With a Soul Patch. Zoom in and BOOM, it's actually a very rare case of Old Guy With Hieroglyphics on His Face.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Possession of marijuana, possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug equipment
-- It's about damned time they arrested that Maroon 5 guy. What isn't included in the records is that the controlled substance cops say he had was actually a big satchel of schmaltzy love songs.

 

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Unknown
-- Probably could have figured out what he was charged with, was too distracted by those pearly whites. Call me, Deon. I don't care that you got 9,000 traffic tickets last year.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Possession of methadone, advertisement of drug paraphernalia
-- The eyes! The emotion! The Miami writers like to think their mug shots are better, but they'll never have this guy. This guy is a poet. This guy feels things deep down inside.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Unknown
-- It's like this man was only rationed four eyebrows' worth of hair and he chose to spread them out all over his head. I bet there's a fifth one hiding around on the back. Also, how is it possible that Palm Beach County court records are accessible only through Internet Explorer? What is this, 1997?

 

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Unknown
-- I don't always want a mustache, but when I do, I want it to look just like this fella's.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Disobeying a stop/yield sign, possession of marijuana
-- BREAKING NEWS -- Teddy bear comes alive, smokes grass, runs stop sign: TONIGHT AT 11.

Mug-Shot Friday: Hieroglyphics, a Poet, and a Guy Who Can't Do Anything Right

Charged with: Possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, driving with a suspended license (second offense), driving with expired registration, operating an unsafe or improperly equipped vehicle
-- Saddest mug shot we ever done saw. Poor guy just wanted to go to the store and got busted driving a bad car with a bad license and bad registration. Can't do anything right these days.


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