Mug-Shot Monday: It's Florida; We Don't Wear Shirts in Mug-Shots
You spoke, we listened. Back by popular demand, welcome to this week's Mug-Shot Friday, a longstanding franchise focusing on the week's most eye-catching mugs from South Florida's tat heads, tough guys, derp faces, and femmes fatale.
A Fan for Lyfe Pop Quiz, Ladies: So you're main squeeze comes home from a weekend away with the guys, walks through the door, and you see he's sporting one of these -- what exactly do you say? Be gentle now, you know he's a big Dodgers fan.
Life Imitating Art When you're a cake-faced white bro already rocking the trailer park's most bitchin' goatee, the decision to complement the assemblage with some cornrows is a pretty obvious nod to Kenny Powers, season two . . . or season dos. Classical literary allusion.
Sneaky Little Hobbitses We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us.
AND NOW, A TRIPTYCH OF NECK ART
Ethnic Pride This kinda kills off that usual, easy-breezy avenue of small talk: "So what's your background?" Would really blow if his parents took him aside one day and said they were actually Albanian.
A Defender of the Second Amendment Inked right here into this honcho's neck is an AK-47, the Russian-made assault rifle that's blown more holes through human history the globe over than anything else. It's also one of those pieces that the NRA and its followers think should be evera 'Murican's God-given right to own (semi-auto, of course). This honcho probably agrees. I've got a couple pro-gun rallies I'd like to take him to, when he gets out. See what the NRA thinks of his support.
BITCHES Alright, I mean, I get it. But this has to create some awkward situations. What about when you meet your lady friend's grandma? Or hold the door open for a girl at the Gap? Or talk to a female probation officer? Not sending good messages with this one, IMAO.
MC Sad Eyez From the Phat Farm to the crossed arms to sensitive-tough-guy baby-blues, this doesn't even look like a mug shot. It looks the cover-shot of a 90s R&B mixtape.
Derpin' Like We Did Last Summer A couple months back we featured a mug that we coined the "The Quintessential Derp Face." Well, he's back, making the same face.
Shirtless and Carefree You break this thing down into it's composite parts -- no shirt, ginger goatee, newborn baldness, psychedelic-trip smile -- each is a little weird. But throw them all together? Beautifully strange . . . or . . . strangely beautiful? Shine on, you big glorious man-baby, shine on.
Send your story tips to the author, Kyle Swenson.
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