Palm Beach: One Little Pig Banished; Bigger Pig Gets Massage from Fed

Palm Beach: One Little Pig Banished; Bigger Pig Gets Massage from Fed
Pot bellied pig: Never had sex with minor, but still has to go

It's a topsey-turvey world on the island of Palm Beach. A 51-pound pet Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig named Piggy Pie Freckles has been ordered to leave the island. The pet's illegal according to the town's code enforcement board, which forbids swine living on the island. The family who owns him will have to pay $250 in fines for every day the pig stays on the property. Piggy Pie is such a darling that 7-year-old Ashley Kelley, his owner, paints his toenails and occasionally sleeps with him in bed.

The town found out about Piggy Pie through an anonymous tip. Let's try to imagine the psychology of the person who ratted out a 7-year-old girl for keeping a pet pig that's half the size of say, an Afghan hound. Or roughly a quarter of the size of the biggest pig on the island, a billionaire swine named Jeffrey Epstein.

It's perfectly legal for sex-offenders to live in Palm Beach, no matter how badly they stink. Epstein's plea deal with the state was unsealed on Friday, thanks to the efforts of the attorneys representing the underaged girls he solicited for prostitution. And that unsealed document sent up a barnyard smell that ought to have had islanders coughing into their Irish linen hankies.

Epstein ended up with less than 13 months of time in the Palm Beach County Jail. He'd agreed to plead guilty to both counts of solicitation of prostitution, including one with a minor, in exchange for immunity from Federal Prosecution, according to the unsealed documents. If his case had gone to trial, he could have received up to 15 years in state prison. But thanks to a legal team that included Kenneth Starr, Alan Dershowitz, and Jack Goldberger, this piggie is going wee wee wee all the way home to his playboy mansion on El Brillo Way.

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