Paul Ryan Introduces Himself to America With Lies

See also: Paul Ryan Isn't Helping Mitt in Florida, Hasn't Actually Run the Numbers on Budget PlanPaul Ryan Talks Medicare, Uses Mom as Mascot to Make His PointPoll: Floridians Not Down With Paul Ryan's Medicare Plan; What's Really on Paul Ryan's iPod

After coming to Florida to introduce himself and his rambunctious mom to old people a few weeks ago, Paul Ryan came back last night. 

This time, he got onstage sans Mom and introduced himself to all of America, formally accepting the Republican Party's vice presidential nomination.

And, according to pundits and party leaders and his own state's delegates, Ry knocked it out of the park.

"Hey girl, you should see how I give speeches... in the bedroom."

But as we've seen with GOP vice-presidential nominees of yesterdays past, these speeches are more about being charismatic and engaging and, well, untrue.

But who cares about all the excrement being piled up onstage, as long as it's done all sexy!

Just like last time's GOP VP nominee -- the one everyone fawned over and the same one who is now pretty much banned from the RNC -- Ryan came out with P90X guns blazing.

He told his story.

He threw down Led Zeppelin references (wait'll the kids get a load of this!)

And he threw down a truckload of laundry bags filled with horseshit.

Ryan wanted to make a splash and show America that he's the true financial wonk everyone likes to pretend he is. Except that he hasn't even run the numbers on his and Romney's budget plan. 

But, hey, Ayn Rand! Amerite, you guys??

As we'll continue to see all the way through November, Ryan scooped up some powdered Obama Haterade and threw it down everyone's gullet without water.

He claimed that Obama broke his promise to keep a Wisconsin GM plant from closing. HORSESHIT.

Ryan failed to tell America that he voted for an auto bailout under President Bush for similar reasons, but then was all OUTRAGED when Obama called for the same thing in a move that ultimately helped the auto industry get cranking again.

He said Obama "created a bipartisan debt commission. They came back with an urgent report. He thanked them, sent them on their way, and then did exactly nothing." HORSESHIT.

Ryan failed to disclose in his speech that he was on that commission, and he voted against this URGENT report.

He said Obama plans to "raid Medicare!!"

Again, P90Ry failed to mention his own plans of raiding Medicare, according to his proposal.

There are so many more lies and untruths from the speech, it would make Ayn Rand believe in a deity.

But you get the point. 

Paul Ryan showed up looking his Alex P. Keaton best and spoon-fed America a Costco-sized bucket of horseshit.

Ryan also dropped this doozy, talking about his iPod playlist: "He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, 'look, I hope it is not a deal breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin."

Okay, that one probably isn't a lie, but it should be pointed out that Led Zeppelin would fall under L not Z. And even if it does somehow fall under Z on Ryan's playlist, anyone who refers to Led Zeppelin as 'Zeppelin,' is a monumental douche, anyway.

Oh, and one last thing. In an interview he gave last week, Ryan said that rape was a "method of conception."


A form of conception. 

Sorry, ladies. He's taken.

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >