Rey Decerega, the Guy Who Elbowed the President, Needs to Play for the Miami Heat

Heat opponents might look like this too if the team hires Decerega.
Heat opponents might look like this too if the team hires Decerega.

On Friday, a little-known Washington resident named Rey Decerega elbowed the president in the mouth while playing basketball.

And if there's one thing that's clear after the incident, we need Decerega on the struggling Miami Heat.

Here's why.


3. The Heat Needs an Enforcer

One of the Hanson brothers would work.
One of the Hanson brothers would work.

LeBron isn't going to fight too often for a jump ball. Chris Bosh's elbow is worth too much to throw for a random drive to the basket. Big-name stars like Dwyane Wade aren't going to brawl.

What the Heat needs is an enforcer. And if Decerega is willing to throw an elbow to hit the leader of the free world, he qualifies.

2. The Tea Party Vote

This guy would be a Heat season ticket holder.
This guy would be a Heat season ticket holder.

These days, nobody wins without the Tea Party vote. Decerega's aggressive elbow quickly made him the hero of far right-wingers. There are even Facebook pages dedicated to congratulating him for "making Obama bleed."

Signing Decerega to the Heat would be like having Sarah Palin join the Heat dancers -- a job she's actually qualified to do.

1. Decerega Would Bring Much-Needed Latin Flavor

That's a Latinfro.
That's a Latinfro.

In South Florida, knowing how to roll your r's goes a long way for celebrities. Decerega, as a member of the Heat, would become the city's most famous Latin sports star -- not a hard task considering the current king is, um, Hanley Ramirez?

Hell, he may even become South Florida's biggest Latin celebrity in general, considering that title now goes to Gloria Estefan.


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