He's rich. He's getting on in years. And he seems to have no idea that The Bachelor thing is sooo 2003.
Meet Palm Beach millionaire Tom Feltenstein, the man behind the "Have Maid... Have Money, Would Love a HONEY!" billboard that recently began nauseating drivers on I-95 near the West Palm Beach Airport exit.
Feltenstein, who was a marketing exec for McDonald's in the '70s and now runs a consulting company in Palm Beach, has written a dozen books about business, ethics, wealth, and blah blah blah. He's been endorsed by Larry King. In short, he is your maddeningly successful nightmare.
In his latest book, he's selling love. Literally. It's called Lucrative Love, and it teaches readers how to meet and marry a ridiculously wealthy person.
"As I tell people, marrying for love puts you in the poorhouse," he said in a phone interview this morning. "I want you to marry for money, OK?"
You might say Feltenstein is a tad disillusioned. He's twice-divorced and certain that his ex-wives weren't with him for his sparkling personality. "I didn't marry for money, but I know they did. And that's OK."
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So now he's advising other women to do the same thing. Hang out in Italian art galleries, learn to let a butler pick up your dirty underwear, fake a few orgasms -- you know the drill.
Meanwhile, he's also looking for a mate himself. Hence the billboard, and the website, lucrativelove.com. According to his book, he's looking for a "gorgeous, outgoing, kind, witty, affectionate, independent woman (39 to 50) who loves to travel and has a healthy sexual appetite -- and big boobs."
Hundreds of women have written letters hoping to date him, he says, and now he's planning to hold a national contest -- possibly involving a Twitter vote -- to pick the lucky lady. Which means that if all goes well, Palm Beach will be the embarrassed home to yet another Bachelor-style debacle.
"America's gonna choose my mate," Feltenstein says. "She better be cute."