Rick Scott Congratulating You On Your Newborn Baby Is Not Creepy In The Least
Having a baby is many things: wonderful, scary, exuberant, life-affirming, and life-changing.
Rick Scott wants to add "creepy as shit" to that list.
Governor Voldemort has teamed up with Hallmark and several local hospitals to send cards to new moms with greetings, congratulations, and immunization advice.
Scott insists that this isn't about playing politics, or
wanting to eat your new baby's soul pandering or anything like that.
It's all about reminding moms that health is important, because that gets forgotten between all the pushing and pain and eating ice chips.
Hospitals say the first cards will be shipping out soon.
The Gov's baby cards will encourage health education and immunization info, in both English and Spanish.
It's just as if Rick was right there in the hospital room with you, scaring the bejesus out of your newborn.
One example of a card signed by Rick and Mrs. Rick that you and your new baby will be getting has a baby mouse snuggling on a leaf with the message:
"Delicate. Tiny. Precious. Yours. CONGRATULATIONS"
Simple. Nuanced. Lucid. And an AN ALL CAPS CONGRATS TO TOP IF OFF!
Even in his best intentions, Scott can't help but creep you out with his reptilian awkwardness. Just the way he rolls, y'all.
Hey, at least it's not Obama sending out cards to newborns under the guise of "health" and "education." Because he'd just be keeping tabs on our children for his future KenyanSocialistFascistCommie Army.
So we can all let out a sigh of relief on that one!
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Wellington Doctor Who Hid $18 Million from IRS Sentenced to Two Years in Federal Prison
Fri., July 17, 6:35 p.m.
Fri., July 17, 8 p.m.
Sat., July 18, 5:35 p.m.
Sun., July 19, 5:05 p.m.
- DOJ Audit Says GEO Group Misspent $3 Million in Troubled Prison
- Will Florida Let Gas Companies Keep Fracking Chemicals Secret?