blowfish blowhard Rush Limbaugh opened his face hole again and said that it's pretty friggin obvious that Mitt Romney is going to win the election tonight. And not just win it, but win it by a landslide!
Despite every single poll showing a tight race, Romney's actually going to win this thing via a blowout, according to Rush.
Because polls, statistics, variables and data doesn't matter.
Know what really tells us who's going to win?
"Common sense tells me this election isn't gonna be close -- and it shouldn't be," Limbaugh said on his afternoon radio program. "And yet, every poll, every single poll, has this race tied.
Every poll from both Republicans and Democrats say this is a tight race. But forget that. This thing is going to be a Romney landslide because of ... my ... Spider senses!
"I have said that as we get down to the election, the polls are gonna reflect what's really gonna happen because the pollsters want to get it right for the future," he said later in the program. "That has not happened. It has not happened. There's not one poll that gives either candidate an edge, not one pollster is willing to stick his neck out here."
The polls are gonna reflect what's really gonna happen except that they won't! Also, no pollster is willing to stick his neck out there. Except this guy.
"The enthusiasm that got people out in 2010, I'm seeing at every Mitt Romney rally. Romney's drawing crowds of 20,000, 25,000, 30,000, 15,000."
Forget the data! Mitt's drawn big crowds to his rallies! You seen Obama's crowds? Yes, they too have been just as big, if not bigger, but poor people don't count.
But, forget all that.
What's really going to determine the winner of this election is football. You see, the Washington Redskins have correctly predicted the winner of the election since 1937. If the 'Skins won their final home game, the incumbent president would win the election.
The Redskins lost this past Sunday. ROMNEY 2012!
"The Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers," Limbaugh said. "That means Romney wins. I guarantee you, if the Redskins had won the game, that's all you would be seeing on the media today. I guarantee you. You can't find it anywhere."
That's right. Romney wins. This is fool proof. It's worked for every election since the 1930s! Except that one time when the Redskins lost and George W. Bush still beat John Kerry in the election.
But that's not the point! The point is, if the Redskins had won, that's all you would hear in the media because the media is in the tank for Obama!
So, put all these nonsensical ramblings of a pill poppin dickhead and what do you get?
A MITT ROMNEY LANDSLIDE, OF COURSE!
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!