As we reported yesterday, a new pain clinic has opened in Lake Worth, a big white elephant of an unmarked two-story building on North Dixie Highway. Following the lead of other South Florida cities, Lake Worth City Commissioners took steps at their Tuesday-night meeting to put a moratorium on pain clinics opening within city limits. A second reading is scheduled for Monday morning.
The clinic in question is operated by American Pain LLC. We poked around and found out the clinic has formerly operated in Boca Raton and in Cypress Creek. And we gathered from a bit of messageboard chatter that American Pain has some big fans, some of whom singled out doctors by name for special praise, others who opined that the place was probably run by Mafia. But our favorite post was the one that laid out the exact steps you could expect to follow during a visit to American Pain: the long lines, the peeing in cups. We're reposting so Lake Worth commissioners can have a gander at what they're up against:
1. "Clinic" opens at 9am. I was there at 9:15am. The place was PACKED!
2. If you're a new patient, you need an MRI. I had 2 done in the last year but could only find the first one. I had the CD and the 3 page report, but it turned out that I only had 2 pages as page #3 was a copy of page #2. It didn't matter. A quick scan of the document and I was "in".
3. They give you a small book of paperwork to fill out with lots of personal info. Said book explains how it's a Felony to go pill shopping in Florida. Once done you get back in the New Patient line.
4. As you wait, you are told that you cannot go outside to smoke or wait there because "it's for your own safety, you don't want to go to jail". You are also told that when you leave, you need to obey traffic laws (speeding, complete stop at a stop sign, safety belt, etc.) as cops are watching! You have a ride? Wait for it inside. They also have signs everywhere saying not to fill anything at Walgreens as that pharmacy checks.
5. When you're up you pay $200 (follow ups every 28 days are $150), show your ID and pee in a cup.
6. Give the cup back, wait for a Doc.
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SHOW ME HOW
7. See Doc, asks you what's wrong, what you've been on, and basically what you want (good for a month). If you're not satisfied, we'll adjust next month.
8. Go out in waiting room and wait for scripts and next months appointment which is already written on the back of their business cards.
Most customers were nasty and/or pretty high. There were so many people, it felt like you were being herded through the lines. But it is what it is.
Live pain free my friends!!!