Spring Break 2016 in Fort Lauderdale: Ten People You'll See on the Beach

Welcome to spring break 2016 in Fort Lauderdale! Let's get weird!

Over the course of the next two weeks, millions of bad decisions will be made here by spring breakers looking to blow off some steam. Spring break is a runaway cargo train full of Fireball and suntan lotion that is about to slam smack-dab into the coast. Expect the unexpected. Hope for the best. But prepare yourselves for the worst. 

University of Florida and Rollins College are off from now until March 6. 

Most of the other Florida schools — University of Central Florida, Florida State, Barry, Embry-Riddle, Lynn, Florida Atlantic University, and University of Miami — are off March 6 to March 13.

University of North Florida and University of South Florida get the leftovers beginning March 12. 

While some might not be superstoked about all the chaos that is about to hit the place you call home, nobody can argue that spring break makes for some amazing people-watching. 

Here are ten people you're sure to find stumbling around the beach over the next few weeks. 

10. The Noob Couple

You can't have your cake and eat it too, but Noob Couple is different, you guys! These kids think their relationship is strong enough to overcome the machine that is spring break. Oh, how wrong they are. Alcohol plus nakedness times youth equals a Molotov cocktail thrown into the lap of any relationship that doesn't already have deep roots. 


9. The "Out of Their Element" People

Spring break doesn't care what your major is. Anyone can take a stab at doing body shots. This group is easily sniffed out, usually because they just seem way too prepared, because that's how they go about everything in life. They forgot nothing. They have way too much stuff to carry. One of them probably has a drone with a GoPro camera that's shooting video back to his tablet on the beach. All that matters is that they have a good time, but that won't stop us from noticing they are totally out of their element. 



8. The Sorority Sisters 

Within every group of sorority girls lies a subset of different types of girls, cumulatively forming one functioning brand. When said brand leaves the happy confines of the college campus, things can torpedo with quickness. Partying on the weekends and special occasions during the week is one thing, but 24/7 bikini-bar-hopping while constantly playing defense against drunk bros can break any young woman. It's best that you look but do not touch with the Spring Break Sorority Sister. 


7. The Over-It Bartender 

Every year, spring break is circled on the calendar like it's bartender-Christmas. More customers is what a bartender wants... until you're covered in Tito's vodka from head to toe and frat bros are asking you what time you get off. By the end of spring break, bartenders have accepted defeat. All they want is their retired customers back in the bar. 


6. Creepy, Trolling Non-Student Bros 

These are the sharks that spring breakers need to worry most about. Dudes with nothing better to do during the week than troll the beaches for the easiest prey. Hey, wanna smoke a bowl in my studio? Interacting with these guys is how you end up on First 48. 


5. Local Leave-Me-Alone Model

She's just trying to get her tan on. You have no chance, so leave her alone. Inevitably if you watch Leave-Me-Alone Model long enough you'll see multiple guys come up to her trying to get her number. It's a lost cause. College guys are like children to her. Actually, actual children could be doing the keg stands on the beach in front of her and she isn't likely to look up from that iPhone. 


4. The Imposters 

Nope, not 21. In towns like Tallahassee, local high school students are used to finding an FSU party and blending in. They are almost burnt out on partying by the time they actually go to college. Here in South Florida, though, high schoolers aren't quite as exposed to the college life before it smacks them in the face. Spring break offers teenagers a chance to head out to the beach and attempt to blend in.... but fail miserably. 

3. The Veterans

These are basically the people that get the back seat on the bus of spring break. This is their fourth, or seventh, spring break while in school, so they know the drill. Best bars. Best bartenders. Best hotels. Best clubs. All of that. They skip the drama, and maximize their party rocking. 


2. DJ Guy

Roughly 27 percent of the dudes on any given spring break beach is a DJ. It might even be a beach rule. Some will be passing out fliers; others will be passing out CDs; but they all have one thing in common — they'll make sure you know they are DJs. 



1. The Buzzkills 

Po-po is always lurking during spring break, and by lurking I mean standing five feet from you, staring. These folks come in every fashion imaginable down by the busy beach: horse cops, bike cops, hoverboard cops, parachute police... just about any way you can imagine a police officer getting all up in your spring break business.  Party safe, my friends!