Teen Substance Use Up; Teen Pregnancy Down.

There are only a few reasons why teen substance use should be on the rise while teen pregnancies are on the wane, and none of them are obvious. Common sense, or whatever passes for it in the heads of we Floridians, would seem to dictate the opposite: That if the kids are getting high, they're probably getting laid; and if they're getting laid while high, they're probably not too picky about precautions.

But no. Check out this Reuters story, telling us about all the little babies that aren't being born to teen mums; then read this CBS story about all the drugs that teenyboppers are sucking up.

Only a few explanations suggest themselves for this kinky inverse correlation.

  1. The drugs are bad.
  2. It's some kind of religious thing. Maybe all those kids who are saving it 'til marriage are so out of their minds with sexual tension that they've turned to drugs to calm their nerves.
  3. Everything we've ever been told is a lie, and the consumption of drugs leads to sounder judgment.
  4. Personally, I think it's that my fellow homosexuals' recruitment efforts are finally paying off. Kids are doing more drugs 'cuz they're out all night dancing to Kylie Minogue (or Bitch and Animal, or whatever it is that makes the lesbigirls shake ass), and they're not breeding because, you know, they're gay.

Or perhaps it's none of that. Maybe -- maybe! -- these rates of change are just the usual statistical ebb'n'flow, and not at all significant. Maybe what we should really be talking about is the uncomfortable fact that the United States still has the highest teen birth rates and the most sexophobic sex ed programs of any similarly developed country, as well as the most punitive drug laws outside of any First World nation other than Singapore. (Which is a dictatorship, so it doesn't count.)

Follow The Juice on Twitter: @ TheJuiceBPB.

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