Year-round our South Florida Sports stars bring us so much joy, so it's only right that during the holiday season we think of ways we could return the favor. This Christmas — if we could around their security teams — we have would love to give guys like Chris Bosh, Jaromir Jagr, Ryan Tannehill, and Jose Fernandez gifts that we feel would make their lives so much better.
Some of our gift ideas are a little far-fetched, but nonetheless, these are what we would gift our sports heroes if money, and reality, were no object.
10. A better offensive line for Ryan Tannehill.
You think that is a Vine above, but that's actually real-time game film. Poor Ryan Tannehill was drafted by the Miami Dolphins then he
Dear Santa, can I get a new teeth for Christmas :) it's going to be tough to eat-good -at least I don't get fat :))) pic.twitter.com/mifGcolCdP— Jaromir Jagr (@68Jagr) December 23, 2015
9. A good dentist for Jaromir Jagr.
If you look into Jaromir Jagr's mouth long enough you will see people screaming for help. Jagr has helped bring smiles back to so many Florida Panther fans faces this season, it's only right that we hook him up with our cousin that graduated from Nova Southeastern University dental school so that he can get back his smile.
8. Some normal socks for Dwyane Wade. Just a normal pair of socks.
We know you like socks that have planets or purple palm trees on them, but we feel like you could use some good old fashioned black socks, Dwyane. Wade makes us proud with his on the court play, it's what happens after he hits the showers and gets dressed that sometimes leaves us puzzled.
7. A home cooked meal for Justise Winslow.
Mr.Winslow has plenty of money, yet his favorite meal is still a peanut butter and jelly with jalapeños sandwich. Nah, bro. We'd like to have our mom cook him a good hot meal, one with character, not some fancy chef prepared meal.
6. We'd like for Jose Fernandez to not have to play for the Marlins anymore.
Who cares what you want; think about this poor guy! It is better to give than to receive, so we would like to put our own personal-selfish priorities aside and expedite a trade of Jose Fernandez right-the-heck out of Miami Marlins jail. No player deserves to play for the Miami Marlins, not even the worst people.
5. We would like to get Udonis Haslem his first All-Star appearance for Christmas.
This one we could theoretically actually do! Don't be a lazy ass, go tweet " #NBAVOTE Udonis Haslem" after you're done here. UD is everything South Florida. He's so much Miami, but with a sprinkle of 954 — i mean, he just opened a Subway there — that's hella-Broward. UD is likely done playing after this season, but has never made an All-Star game — we'd like to change that.
4. We'd like to get more fans to come out and watch Aaron Ekblad whoop some ass in that hockey stuff.
The Florida Panthers have a 19 year-old good looking defenseman that is very much on his way to being one of the best players in the NHL — and few of you could point him out in the Publix sub line. Ekblad deserves just as much hype as the more talked about 19 year-old sports star in town Justise Winslow does, if not more. With the Panthers scolding hot right now it's only a matter of time until Ekblad gets a little more respect.
3.We would like to get Chris Bosh more time to brew beer so we can drink it.
We thought Chris Bosh was awesome, then we found out he brews his own beer — it's as if he's not even a real person. Bosh has to spend so much time playing that pesky basketball thing most of the year — we just wish he could brew beer on the bench or something, because we really want Boshy Beer to be a thing!
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2. We'd like to get Lamar Miller more carries, because duh.
When Lamar Miller touches the ball good things happen for the Miami Dolphins; they don't seem to understand this, so we would like to bypass them altogether. Lamar Miller needs to tout the football more and we would like to hand it to him and let him prosper. Let Lamar Miller flourish in 2016! Make Lamar Miller great again!
1. We want to give Brad Kaaya a run at a National Championship in 2016.
Brad Kaaya has given the University of Miami so much, and all it has given him back is one-cup free education mixed twelve-cups of a lot of frustration. Next year we want to give Brad Kaaya one legit run at a title. We aren't sure if he will stay in Miami past next season — he may be ready to turn pro — so it would be nice to give him some teammates and coaches that don't suck for once.
Merry Christmas, South Florida sports stars. None of this will be under your tree this year, but we do have this Panera gift card if you want to meet-up somewhere.