The Bad Girl's Guide to the Super Bowl
I know it's not politically correct to say girls don't like football. Plenty of smart, sophisticated women -- some of my best friends! -- love to guzzle Yuengling and scream at Ben Roethlisberger on a Sunday afternoon.
But the Super Bowl isn't about football. The Super Bowl (it's this Sunday, ladies, in case you're confused) is about selling Miller Lite to the masses and box seats to politicians. It's about past-their-prime bands and wardrobe malfunctions. Mostly, it's about commercials.
The best part of the entire affair is the party, where you can stuff your face with Tostitos while flirting with that cute guy from accounting who ignores you at work. If that doesn't
appeal, here are a few ways to amuse yourself while waiting for the strip-poker afterparty.
Florida Panthers v Ottawa Senators
TicketsTue., Jan. 31, 7:30pm
Florida Panthers v Anaheim Ducks
TicketsFri., Feb. 3, 7:30pm
Florida Atlantic University Owls Men's Basketball vs. University of North Texas Mean Green Mens Basketball
TicketsThu., Feb. 9, 7:00pm
Florida Panthers v Los Angeles Kings
TicketsThu., Feb. 9, 7:30pm
1. Yell Manhattan-inspired addresses -- "57th and down!," "Lexington and Third!" -- at random intervals.
2. When the crowd orders pizza, ask for a gluten-free crust and a side of quinoa. Dudes love that.
3. At halftime, bust out a bottle of pinot noir and complain loudly that the red plastic cups are not allowing the wine to breathe.
4. Comment extensively on the quality of the players' "tight ends."
5. Talk during the commercials.
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