The Eight Most Basic Places in Broward County

Broward: Just an extra-regular county.
Broward: Just an extra-regular county.
Ian Witlen

Broward is a basic bitch's wet dream. Also known as white-girl paradise, it's where hipsterdom and pretension are left at the county line. Here you can find a strip club in a strip mall and endless chains of chain restaurants. For the most part, instead of pop-up shops, there are places like the Anne Taylor Factory Store. Rather than food trucks serving artisanal grilled cheeses on brioche, there are entire Cheesecake Factories.

See also: The Six Worst Places in Broward

And although we've just made it sound like a suburban mom's heaven on Earth, Broward's also a place where shutter shades graze many a sunburned face and the Smirnoff Ice flows like slightly alcoholic water. It is, after all, sometimes abbreviated to BroCo for a reason.

Basicness knows no age or gender boundaries.

So to celebrate the spirit of the non-Miami portion of South Florida, we've compiled a list of the eight most basic places in Broward. Whether you enjoy them ironically or not is up to you. Any guru will admit that you'll have thoughts when meditating but will instruct you to not engage them. Similarly, you might have thoughts about all these places, but it's better to experience them mindlessly.

The first Bahama Breeze was in Orlando -- perhaps the only place more basic than Broward.
The first Bahama Breeze was in Orlando -- perhaps the only place more basic than Broward.
Dwight Burdette via Wikimedia Commons

8. Bahama Breeze at Sawgrass Mills Dulce de Leche Cheesecake! Who could forget that Bahamian classic? This is the Darden cousin who just bought a copy of Legend at Target. Come visit him to grab a basic-ass meal before shopping for basic-ass shit at JCPenney. Just don't spill any jerk sauce on your Arizona Jean Co. T-shirt. Your mom paid $15 for that. Runner-up: Weston Town Center

You can dance the night away ~in college~
You can dance the night away ~in college~
Alex Markow

7. Capone's Himmarshee is home to the alkaline trio of bars. And if you need to slow down from bodyshots at any point in your bar crawl, you can walk to America's Backyard and get a PBR from a vending machine. Thank you, basic-god. Runner-up: Off the Hookah



Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >