Top Five Ways to Woo LeBron: Make Miami Feel Like Cleveland
Although the rumors swirling about LeBron James joining a dream team Heat lineup may be absurdly wishful thinking, it never hurts to do some practical planning.
The King, who grew up in Akron, Ohio, will not leave his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers on a whim. To many Clevelanders, he's considered as holy as Catholic school teachers and homemade perogies. They worship him with a desperate loyalty that South Florida has never bestowed on its sports heroes. To compete, the region must take a serious stab at humility. Here are a few suggestions, courtesy of an ex-Clevelander, to make LeBron feel right at home:
1) Plaster a Jesus-like image of him on a Brickell condo tower. In fact, give him the entire building, since it's probably empty anyway.
2) Recruit a floppy-haired Brazilian teammate who likes to fall down.
Nova Southeastern University Sharks Volleyball vs. Florida Tech Panthers Womens Volleyball
TicketsFri., Oct. 27, 7:00pm
Nova Southeastern University Sharks Volleyball
TicketsSat., Oct. 28, 4:00pm
Florida Panthers vs Detroit Red Wings
TicketsSat., Oct. 28, 7:00pm
Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics
TicketsSat., Oct. 28, 8:00pm
Florida Panthers vs Tampa Bay Lightning
TicketsMon., Oct. 30, 7:30pm
3) Toss some dead fish and motor oil into Biscayne Bay, call it Lake Erie.
4) Make sure Miami-Dade County is so corrupt and jobless that a major sports star is its only economic hope for the future. Hmmm, perhaps that's not such a stretch...
5) In the mansion he built near Akron, LeBron enjoys a bowling alley, movie theater, and recording studio. Can you top that, P. Diddy?
Get the Things to Do Newsletter
Find out about upcoming events and special offers happening in South Florida.