Top Ten Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs of All Time; Cheer Up, Heat Fans!

Top Ten Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs of All Time; Cheer Up, Heat Fans!
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Last night against the Cubs, Miami Marlins right fielder Giancarlo Stanton hit his 19th home run (best in the National League), a low line drive that soared just over the right-field fence. It looked different from most of his 136 career bombs in a Marlins uniform, though.

Less sexy.

It was Stanton's shortest shot of the season at just 366 feet -- only his third homer this year under 400 feet. So far in 2014, there have been 26 home runs hit 450 feet or longer. Stanton -- Crusher of Monster Dongs and ladies' hearts everywhere -- has accounted for nearly 20 percent of the entire sport's mammoth long balls this season, hitting five over 450 feet, more than any other player.

Hell, in May alone, Stanton ripped eight home runs, the shortest one going 412 feet, with the average home run distance this year coming in around 396 feet. Point is, dude has sex with the baseball, and after four years of appreciating the best basketball player on the planet -- pleasepleaseplease come back for more, LeBroncito -- it's time to shift our attention as sports fans and really appreciate something else great in South Florida.

Sit back, Heat fans. Keep your heads up. And watch these ten Monster Dongs. You'll smile. We promise.

No. 10: His first homer ever, against the Tampa Bay Devil (!) Rays -- 6/8/10

OK, so he's hit maybe 100 homers longer than this one, but still. There's something nostalgic and special about it. This was before Stanton became Giancarlo -- he was Mike back then -- and it's before the Florida Marlins became the Miami Marlins, and it's before the Rays dropped the demonic word from their name. And, most importantly, it's before we knew what we had. A cool display early on of what we would see.

No. 9: A shot off Roy Oswalt and the Phillies -- 9/6/10

An underrated portion of "reporting" this story? Listening to ace color analyst Tommy Hutton lose his shit over and over like Stanton is tickling him. Take this homer from '10 where Hutton cuts off play-by-play man Rich Waltz to add something substantive: OHHHHHHHH

No. 8: Deep to centerfield off the Padres -- and I mean deep -- 5/4/12

Anthony Bass gave up ten homers in 2012, but none elicited this much giddy joy from a broadcast booth. We can just picture Hutton standing and grinning while he yells, watching another towering moonshot. Don't we all do that?

No. 7: Stanton clubs one against an old, old man -- 5/21/12

Not fair. That was our reaction watching this 462-foot blast on repeat, and you can't really blame us, not when Jamie Moyer, the pitcher, happened to be 49 years (FORTY BLEEPING NINE) at the time of said most embarrassing moment of his life home run. For the record, the ball didn't land. It broke the scoreboard.

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