If you're among the 1.4 million Floridians who have decided to vote via absentee ballot this year, your voice might not get heard. Because FLORIDA!
Also because PAY ATTENTION.
Basically, because we live in the Voting Fuckup Capital of the World, absentee ballots have been known to go to the wrong address or been delayed in the mail or been canceled for reasons unknown.
There's also the matter of ballots missing signatures and ballots being filled out by people other than the name it was assigned to.
It's a two-pronged effect of dumb.
Then, of course, there's the whole absentee ballots getting jacked up in a printer and now everything is screwy in Palm Beach County (again!)
So, thanks to that, an already slow mailing process has been made slower, meaning hundreds -- maybe even thousands -- may not receive their ballots in time.
Elections Supervisor Susan Bucher says that they're doing all they can with extra workers to mail out new ballots and make sure tainted ballots don't compromise the election.
Meanwhile, there's the signature problem. A proper signature law was implemented last year, which on the surface makes sense, because you don't want Uncle Goober picking up your mail and then voting for Mitt Romney for you and to keep people from ordering 700 ballots and then voting for LeBron James as their write-in candidate over and over again. But that system hasn't been without its problems.
A Palm Beach County woman is threatening to sue because her ballot was thrown out due to her signature not matching. She has since written a letter to officials hoping they'll let her vote.
Seminole County Supervisor Mike Ertel said he expects 200 to 250 ballots to be trashed due to signatures not matching.
So here's the deal: If you have received your ballot, you may want to make sure you sign that sucker carefully. Then you might be better served hand-delivering it, rather than mailing it and then hoping Newman from Seinfeld isn't the postman assigned to make sure it gets to where it needs to go.
As for those of you who have yet to receive your ballot in the mail, you may want to start planning to either hit the early voting booths (bring an audiobook!) by Saturday, taking the day off next Tuesday, or sitting this one out and watch as the Year 2000 Election repeats itself.