Are you convinced that illegal drugs are a Chinese plot to destabilize American society? That public schools are nothing but indoctrination camps for liberal ideology about gays, premarital sex, and revisionist American history? Do you think the United Nations is Satan's presence on Earth? Then you need to pay a visit to Fred Gielow's Web page, You Don't Say. Based in Boca Raton, Gielow is a conservative's conservative -- and he's assembled an impressive array of screeds that all come to the same conclusion: The world is going to hell in a hand basket, and if we don't get back to good ol' family values damn quick there ain't gonna be much left to squabble over. Agree with Gielow or not -- frankly we think he's a bit loony -- you have to admire the man's conviction. The perfect antidote to mealy-mouthed Internet pages that are all flash and little substance.

Are you convinced that illegal drugs are a Chinese plot to destabilize American society? That public schools are nothing but indoctrination camps for liberal ideology about gays, premarital sex, and revisionist American history? Do you think the United Nations is Satan's presence on Earth? Then you need to pay a visit to Fred Gielow's Web page, You Don't Say. Based in Boca Raton, Gielow is a conservative's conservative -- and he's assembled an impressive array of screeds that all come to the same conclusion: The world is going to hell in a hand basket, and if we don't get back to good ol' family values damn quick there ain't gonna be much left to squabble over. Agree with Gielow or not -- frankly we think he's a bit loony -- you have to admire the man's conviction. The perfect antidote to mealy-mouthed Internet pages that are all flash and little substance.

Nothing like being direct, we always say. This Broward County business has a moniker that, emblazoned on the side of its van, certainly inspires curiosity from other motorists. Walter Philbrick, a former Hialeah police officer who worked in homicide, decided to cash in on an untapped market when he retired. It seems the last thing relatives want to do after a family member has been shot or killed, he found, is grab a bottle of Fantastik and clean blood and scrape bits of brain off the wall. So two years ago he started Crime Scene Clean-Up, also known as PSI (Professional Sanitation International). Philbrick has contracts with nearly all South Florida police departments and charges roughly $400 a job. Two of his famous cases: cleaning the Cunanan houseboat ("the mattress was so full of blood it had to be thrown away") and the house of an Aventura doctor who was shot by a patient. The worst case: a man who jumped in front of a train in Miami, spewing body parts for 50 yards. Philbrick hopes to franchise his operation around the country. We're just glad he didn't choose an even more direct name like Body Parts Clean-Up or Dried-Blood Removal.

Nothing like being direct, we always say. This Broward County business has a moniker that, emblazoned on the side of its van, certainly inspires curiosity from other motorists. Walter Philbrick, a former Hialeah police officer who worked in homicide, decided to cash in on an untapped market when he retired. It seems the last thing relatives want to do after a family member has been shot or killed, he found, is grab a bottle of Fantastik and clean blood and scrape bits of brain off the wall. So two years ago he started Crime Scene Clean-Up, also known as PSI (Professional Sanitation International). Philbrick has contracts with nearly all South Florida police departments and charges roughly $400 a job. Two of his famous cases: cleaning the Cunanan houseboat ("the mattress was so full of blood it had to be thrown away") and the house of an Aventura doctor who was shot by a patient. The worst case: a man who jumped in front of a train in Miami, spewing body parts for 50 yards. Philbrick hopes to franchise his operation around the country. We're just glad he didn't choose an even more direct name like Body Parts Clean-Up or Dried-Blood Removal.

Your first glimpse of the Breakers' history of indulgence comes as you approach the imposing Italian Renaissance structure from the driveway. Walk past the limos and into the lobby, where Venetian chandeliers and gold leaf ceilings accentuate the feeling of opulence. The tapestries and fresh flowers further confirm it. This is old money. The original hotel was built more than a century ago with some of the robber baron dollars Henry Flagler made with John D. Rockefeller. While the building has aged gracefully, it was recently revitalized by an expensive refurbishment that has continued to earn it a place among the best hotels in the world. It has all the stars and diamonds bestowed by travel guides, and 1500 employees, who speak 25 languages, make sure it stays world-class. The spa, the boutiques (you can get Steuben glass at one), and the golf course add to the upper-class experience that can be had on a weekend getaway. But for that real old-money feel, we like dining in the Florentine Room, with its Continental cuisine, impressive wine list, and older gentlemen who wear jackets to dinner simply because one must.

Your first glimpse of the Breakers' history of indulgence comes as you approach the imposing Italian Renaissance structure from the driveway. Walk past the limos and into the lobby, where Venetian chandeliers and gold leaf ceilings accentuate the feeling of opulence. The tapestries and fresh flowers further confirm it. This is old money. The original hotel was built more than a century ago with some of the robber baron dollars Henry Flagler made with John D. Rockefeller. While the building has aged gracefully, it was recently revitalized by an expensive refurbishment that has continued to earn it a place among the best hotels in the world. It has all the stars and diamonds bestowed by travel guides, and 1500 employees, who speak 25 languages, make sure it stays world-class. The spa, the boutiques (you can get Steuben glass at one), and the golf course add to the upper-class experience that can be had on a weekend getaway. But for that real old-money feel, we like dining in the Florentine Room, with its Continental cuisine, impressive wine list, and older gentlemen who wear jackets to dinner simply because one must.

Yeah, there's a hint at a Greek motif because of the sporadic temple columns jutting from floor to ceiling, but club revelers care less about décor and more about where the boys are. And some of the hottest are grinding ass on the bar with barely a shoestring dividing one glorious cheek from the other. Saturday's the main night, with go-go boys readily accepting tips slipped beneath their barely there attire, and if you catch them at a willing moment, you might be able to cop a feel of their oft-oiled bods. This gay dance palace is the closest you'll get to South Beach while still behind Broward County lines, and its one-of-a-kind eye candy merits a small offering to the god Apollo, at the very least.

Yeah, there's a hint at a Greek motif because of the sporadic temple columns jutting from floor to ceiling, but club revelers care less about décor and more about where the boys are. And some of the hottest are grinding ass on the bar with barely a shoestring dividing one glorious cheek from the other. Saturday's the main night, with go-go boys readily accepting tips slipped beneath their barely there attire, and if you catch them at a willing moment, you might be able to cop a feel of their oft-oiled bods. This gay dance palace is the closest you'll get to South Beach while still behind Broward County lines, and its one-of-a-kind eye candy merits a small offering to the god Apollo, at the very least.

Let's start by categorically dismissing all male news dudes. When it comes to hair, there's really no variety at all to be found on their heads. (We will reserve comment on what's in their heads.) The only approved style, apparently, is close-cropped. Just once we'd like to see a guy sporting a luxuriant 'fro detail the tragic results of a deadly tornado, but we digress. Women are allowed much more follicular latitude. Still, we like our news babes tressed in long, blond hair. That's why we like Jennifer Gould. Not only does she feature some of the shiniest locks on the tube, arranged in that always appealing Lisa Kudrow style, she seems to revel in her blondness. We could almost see Gould occasionally excusing her on-air slip-ups with a gee-whiz, "Well, I am a blonde, you know." Yes Jenny, you are a blonde. And we love you all the more for it.

Let's start by categorically dismissing all male news dudes. When it comes to hair, there's really no variety at all to be found on their heads. (We will reserve comment on what's in their heads.) The only approved style, apparently, is close-cropped. Just once we'd like to see a guy sporting a luxuriant 'fro detail the tragic results of a deadly tornado, but we digress. Women are allowed much more follicular latitude. Still, we like our news babes tressed in long, blond hair. That's why we like Jennifer Gould. Not only does she feature some of the shiniest locks on the tube, arranged in that always appealing Lisa Kudrow style, she seems to revel in her blondness. We could almost see Gould occasionally excusing her on-air slip-ups with a gee-whiz, "Well, I am a blonde, you know." Yes Jenny, you are a blonde. And we love you all the more for it.