For visitors (or even us locals, who should know better) looking for a place to hemorrhage money, the nearly two miles of corridors of the Sawgrass Mills Mall offer more than 400 opportunities to spend. Get an aqua-massage. Buy new shoes in one of the more than 35 shoe stores. Have your jewelry cleaned. Buy clothes from places like Last Call! The Clearance Center from Neiman Marcus, OFF 5th-Saks Fifth Avenue Outlet, Tommy Hilfiger Company Store, POLO Ralph Lauren Factory Store, and Gap Outlet. Restock your shelves or even buy new ones from Target. See a movie at Regal 23 Cinemas at the Oasis at Sawgrass Mills. Eat out at one of the six sit-down restaurants in the Oasis or at the Rainforest Café. If more suitcases are needed, at least nine stores sell them, including Samsonite. Alternately, stop in at the U.S. Post Office to send things home. The pedestrian word for all this excess is "shoppertainment"; 26 million people partake of it annually at the mall. Thank goodness 11,000 parking spaces surround the mall. Additionally, 6000 tour buses each year drop off visitors to spend a day spending, spending, and spending. The mall is a testament to American consumerism and excess. It's everything Osama bin Laden hates about America, and he's probably just jealous.

What better place can there be for Joe Six-Pack and clan? You got little kids and a taste for a beer and a flick, you get to the Swap Shop. After all, there's first-run movies there -- that's right, first run. Second, it's a great bargain; you drive in for a mere four bucks, while kids nine and under get in free. (If little Joe Jr.'s a late bloomer, you can stretch it to 11 or 12). Third, you're allowed to bring a cooler full of beer and food. For the little things you forget, vending stations sell burgers and pizza, and guys run around in golf carts selling snacks. Bring some folding chairs and a couple of blankets too. And beer. Did we mention beer?

What better place can there be for Joe Six-Pack and clan? You got little kids and a taste for a beer and a flick, you get to the Swap Shop. After all, there's first-run movies there -- that's right, first run. Second, it's a great bargain; you drive in for a mere four bucks, while kids nine and under get in free. (If little Joe Jr.'s a late bloomer, you can stretch it to 11 or 12). Third, you're allowed to bring a cooler full of beer and food. For the little things you forget, vending stations sell burgers and pizza, and guys run around in golf carts selling snacks. Bring some folding chairs and a couple of blankets too. And beer. Did we mention beer?

Gentile's guilty plea to charges that he communicated over the Internet with a Fort Lauderdale detective who posed as a 14-year-old girl, transmitted explicit photographs, then arranged to meet this "girl" at a Circle K, is shocking. But it doesn't induce that extra frisson of outrage one usually gets from sexual misconduct by a teacher. The 22-year Broward Teachers Union president was always more of a union operator than an educator; it wasn't like he was constantly around kids. In the end, for all his power and influence, he was just another sad, twisted guy trolling the Web for gullible young victims -- a story that is made even more depressing by its familiarity.

Gentile's guilty plea to charges that he communicated over the Internet with a Fort Lauderdale detective who posed as a 14-year-old girl, transmitted explicit photographs, then arranged to meet this "girl" at a Circle K, is shocking. But it doesn't induce that extra frisson of outrage one usually gets from sexual misconduct by a teacher. The 22-year Broward Teachers Union president was always more of a union operator than an educator; it wasn't like he was constantly around kids. In the end, for all his power and influence, he was just another sad, twisted guy trolling the Web for gullible young victims -- a story that is made even more depressing by its familiarity.

Judging by the authentic pink-and-orange Dunkin' Donuts logo sign dating back to 1952, you might expect a waitress wearing cat's-eye glasses and a kerchief-accented nametag that says Madge or Flo to start calling you "honey." Accented with neon, the faded letters sit on a white-painted sheet-metal background a little more than 15 feet off the ground. Although the interior of this 24-hour pit stop has been renovated three times since its opening 50 years ago, it's the only Dunkin' Donuts nationwide that serves more than Omwiches and crullers. From the wake-up special to liver and onions, no meal on the menu costs more than $7.

Judging by the authentic pink-and-orange Dunkin' Donuts logo sign dating back to 1952, you might expect a waitress wearing cat's-eye glasses and a kerchief-accented nametag that says Madge or Flo to start calling you "honey." Accented with neon, the faded letters sit on a white-painted sheet-metal background a little more than 15 feet off the ground. Although the interior of this 24-hour pit stop has been renovated three times since its opening 50 years ago, it's the only Dunkin' Donuts nationwide that serves more than Omwiches and crullers. From the wake-up special to liver and onions, no meal on the menu costs more than $7.

She had the whole world in her hands -- and then she had to take off her judge's robe. And her judge's panties. And, thus half-naked, she drunkenly ran around in a hotel hallway on Amelia Island during a legal conference. Then, as if that weren't enough, she filed a false report claiming she was sexually assaulted. It all happened this past December, and for a time, it looked like Broward Circuit Judge Joyce Julian's days on the bench would be numbered. She still faces potentially career-ending charges filed by the Florida Judicial Qualifications Commission, but considering the colossal embarrassment, she seems to have bounced back pretty well. She admitted to an alcohol problem and has been running a strong reelection campaign full of big contributions from Broward's influence peddlers. Julian was also transferred from criminal court to family court. An appropriate move, since everyone knows that problems like hers are best kept in the family.

She had the whole world in her hands -- and then she had to take off her judge's robe. And her judge's panties. And, thus half-naked, she drunkenly ran around in a hotel hallway on Amelia Island during a legal conference. Then, as if that weren't enough, she filed a false report claiming she was sexually assaulted. It all happened this past December, and for a time, it looked like Broward Circuit Judge Joyce Julian's days on the bench would be numbered. She still faces potentially career-ending charges filed by the Florida Judicial Qualifications Commission, but considering the colossal embarrassment, she seems to have bounced back pretty well. She admitted to an alcohol problem and has been running a strong reelection campaign full of big contributions from Broward's influence peddlers. Julian was also transferred from criminal court to family court. An appropriate move, since everyone knows that problems like hers are best kept in the family.

Lauderhill civic leaders scored big when Tony and Emmy Award-winning actor James Earl Jones agreed to speak at their celebration to honor Martin Luther King Jr. And what better way to show their appreciation than to honor the versatile actor who played the aging ballplayer in Field of Dreams and was the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars by giving him a plaque? But thanks to the Texas company that produced the $200 plaque, instead of saying, "Thank you James Earl Jones for keeping the dream alive," it thanked James Earl Ray, the Missouri prison escapee convicted of killing the civil rights leader at a Memphis hotel on April 4, 1968. Embarrassed city officials discovered the mistake before the plaque was presented; Jones, ever the gentleman, voiced no criticism, saying, "We have bigger things to worry about." Tune in next year when city leaders honor Dr. Jack Kevorkian for his outstanding contributions to youth in Asia.