They have laws to keep crack dealers away from middle schools, so where's the law to keep the Fort Lauderdale International Boat Show away from poor people? Right, there isn't one. So you'll probably be tempted to step out and inhale the epoxy of the 1,600 vessels assembled for the event. Just say no to the loan application, though; the combined worth of these babies is $1.6 billion. They might not fry your brain, but they will definitely fry your FICO score. This is the biggest boat show in the world — so big that it takes place over five days (today through Monday) at six locations (Bahia Mar Yachting Center, Greater Fort Lauderdale/Broward County Convention Center, Marriott Portside Marina, Hyatt Pier 66 Hotel & Marina, Hall of Fame Marina, and the Las Olas Marina). Highlights include the $80 million, 208-foot Northern Star, which has accommodations for 14 guests — plus 18 crew to serve them. Only ten people can fit in the hot tub, though; not sure about the load capacity for the elevator. Call 954-764-7642, or visit www.showmanagement.com. Admission costs $16. (DF)
FRI 28
Exactly why Regis Philbin needed a warmup comic for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? is a question scholars will debate for years to come. OK, so maybe not, but any Rhodes brainiac can tell you that Philbin's choice for said comic was right on — Quentin "Q" Heggs. The Q-man's mix of quirkiness and charisma has garnered him loads of praise from Philbin. Heggs' vocal skills (notably, his wide range of dialects) has helped the comic land plenty of commercial gigs for the likes of AT&T, Coors Light, and Burger King — the latter featured the comic discussing the fine points of the Big King burger with, ahem, Mr. Potato Head. Hey, at least Heggs is taking these jobs on the way up (cough, Jason Alexander, cough). Heggs performs Thursday through Saturday at the New York Comedy Club (8221 Glades Rd., Boca Raton). Tickets cost $5 to $12. Call 561-470-6887, or visit www.nyccboca.com. (JB)
SAT 29
So, we're dressing up in a costume for one evening this year. What do we want, a medal? The professionals slip into vinyl, latex, chains, and crystal nipple tassels nearly every weekend. The Fetish Factory, a local lifestyle and accessories shop, serves as ground zero for South Florida's fetish community. It also hosts the sexiest parties in town... if your idea of sexy involves dildos and ball gags. For this year's Halloween Fetish Ball at Revolution (200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale), FF has pulled out the big... names. International fetish pinup girl Masuimi Max performs as "Vampira," and her fellow models Rubberdoll and Rebecca's Rubber Room present a "medical fetish show." Tickets cost $15 in advance, $20 at the door. Visit www.fetishfactory.com (DF)
SUN 30
It's been three and a half years since Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped, held hostage, and brutally slain while on assignment in Pakistan. Yet journalists still run the risk of abduction — the Guardian's Baghdad correspondent, Rory Carroll, being the most recent victim (he was released). For the fourth year now, Harmony for Humanity: Daniel Pearl Music Day is held to honor fallen journalists, celebrate the good (tolerance, diversity), and condemn the bad (hatred, murder). The worldwide event takes place at different locations from India to Indiana. Today's event in West Palm Beach is held at Meyer Amphitheatre (105 Evernia St.) and features live music by Remedy, Odd Man Out, Alex Fox, and Marijah and the Reggae All-Stars, as well as discussion of some heavy topics. The free event runs from 2 to 6 p.m. Call 561-712-5256. (JB)
MON 31
Although there's a haunted house and costume contest on the premises of the Downtowner Saloon (408 S. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale), the scariest things inside are a couple of the locals. They could pass for real pirates, and the only way to exorcise them from the barstools of the cozy waterfront hangout is to say "last call"... about eight times. Otherwise, the Hoo Doo Voodoo Halloween Blues Ball is all about good times and rocking out, as Jason Ricci, the Nucklebusters, and others take the stage. Call 954-463-9800. (DF)
TUE 1
It won't be long before Yellowcard accepts bids on naming rights and changes its name to "the BankAtlantic Band" or "The Goldencasino.coms." Seriously, they're sponsored by 19 companies including Red Bull, Hurley, and Microsoft X-box. Guess that's a testament to the appeal of their 2003 hit "Ocean Avenue" and to having an upbeat punk band whose violinist writes the songs. Unless Ian MacKaye intervenes and slaps them upside the head, the kids from Jacksonville carry on with their "Wish We Were Canadian" tour. They play the Culture Room (3045 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale) tonight at 7. Tickets cost $19.99. Call 954-564-1074, or visit www.cultureroom.net. (DF)
WED 2
The path to becoming the next Steven Spielberg inevitably ends in the hills of Hollywood. But if you've already begun directing your breakthrough film (or so you hope), that path begins with the Entertainment Industry Incubator's Short Film Contest. As it does every year, the traveling contest comes to town, holding workshops for local filmmakers to get in the game. Winners receive $150,000 worth of production services and a chance to meet with bigwigs from Lion's Gate Films. Orientations are held Tuesday at G-Star School of the Arts (2030 S. Congress Ave., Building "F," West Palm Beach) and today at the Broward Alliance Film Commission (300 SE Second St., Ste. 780, Fort Lauderdale). Both run from 7 to 9 p.m. Call 305-672-9297, or visit www.eincubator.org. (JB)
