Hate your day job? Maybe you should put on a wig, cross-dress, and start singing songs like "When You're Good to Dubya" or "Baby Dyke." Hey, it worked for Ben Schatz, a Harvard grad and civil rights lawyer who wrote President Clinton's HIV policy. And it worked for Irwin Keller, a lawyer and linguist who ran the AIDS Legal Referral Panel in San Francisco. The smart guys ditched the corporate world (See? They're really smart.) and, along with co-conspirators Jeff Manabat and Chris Dilley, brought the world Kinsey Sicks, "America's Favorite Dragapella Beautyshop Quartet." They sing a cappella, parody pretty much everything, and dance around in insane costumes. A Chicago newspaper called their show "one of the most complete theatrical experiences you will ever have." Catch 'em tonight through Sunday at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts (201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $27 to $29. Call 954-462-0222, or visit www.browardcenter.org. (DF)
FRI 4
If your idea of an MC battle resembles the violent crosstown rivalry in the Eminem flick 8 Mile, then you need to get your butt down to Hollywood and check out tonight's Microphone Fiend MC Battle at Club M (2037 Hollywood Blvd.). Sure, the hip-hop grudge match is full of nasty barbs used to verbally shoot down opponents, but it's just that -- verbal. The battle is one of ego, wit, and cleverly crafted rhymes, improvised at the drop of a beat. It can get ugly, but you're more likely to see real confrontation at some local battle of the bands ("We should have won that contract -- I can't wash dishes forever!"). Roughing up the rhymes tonight are Bleubird, MC Astronautilus, the Secondhand Outfit, D Double S, and PFM. The free show starts at 10 p.m. Call 954-925-8396. (JB)
SAT 5
They might be too sexy for Milan -- too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan -- but the stars of the Worth Avenue Association's Annual Pet Parade are just right for Palm Beach. Today, the richest animals in the country do their little turns on the catwalk. See the sick display of wealth -- dogs sporting Hermes collars and leashes, cats arriving in Armani pet carriers, and puppies stepping out of alligator and ostrich carriers lined in beaver fur -- in the Gucci courtyard on Worth Avenue. Pets -- even iguanas, bunnies, and birds -- can compete in categories like Funniest Face, Best Smile, Longest Tail, and more. Funds raised through donations go to animal charities. Says event chair Sherry Frankel: "I've had the privilege of watching fabulous adoption stories unfold at our event. I especially love hearing about previously abandoned pets who are now enjoying a life many humans would envy!" Registration, which is free, begins at 9 a.m. at 256 Worth Ave. Judging begins at 9:45 a.m. Call 561-655-1996, or visit www.worth-avenue.com. (DF)
SUN 6
It's funny how Joe Rogan's bio doesn't mention that he co-hosts The Man Show on Comedy Central. In fact, all you'd know from reading that cleverly crafted piece of PR is that Rogan was on NBC's News Radio and Fear Factor -- neither show even close to representing what the toilet-tongued comic is all about. For that, you need to either buy his CD, I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday, or catch him live as he rolls in to the Palm Beach Improv at CityPlace (550 S. Rosemary Ave., Ste. 250, West Palm Beach) tonight. Rogan's album is a mix of skits ("Getting Pumped"), songs (the country-flavored "Voodoo Punanny"), and live standup (everything else). But if you're looking for a moral message, well -- we just hope you're a firm believer in oral sex. Man Show fans sure are. Rogan performs Thursday through today. Tickets cost $26.62. Call 561-833-1812. (JB)
MON 7
Self-taught artist John Patrick Kelly believes that art "is a gift from whatever God is." His whimsical and surreal images have been likened to stills from old home movies -- subjects include swirling clouds, hazy moons, and mothers' faces. He paints on canvas and cardboard and makes sculptures from bronze. Kelly's latest exhibit, titled "Allegories," will be on display at RaZoo Gallery (3036 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale), a cluttered, cozy space packed to the rafters with peculiar artworks, through April 15. The gallery prides itself on displaying "outsider, intuitive, and folk art." You can meet the artist from 1 to 5 p.m. Sunday. Call 954-663-3888, or visit www.razoogallery.com. (DF)
TUE 8
You may not consider Ozzy Osbourne, Megadeth, and Slayer to be the most musically diverse bunch of bands, but in the complex world of modern metal, they're as sundry as a David Byrne album. So when a band like New Jersey's God Forbid claims to have such diverse influences, it's not so laughable a claim. Hell, someone's gotta try tying all these subgenres together, and God Forbid does a better job than most of the cookie-cutter n-metal acts. How? By not forgetting its roots, sticking with the thrash and hardcore of its influences in lieu of today's rap-inspired sounds. It also helps that the layered screams of vocalist Byron Davis are enough to scare Fred Durst back to his days as a Vanilla Ice impersonator. God Forbid opens for Soulfly tonight at the Culture Room (3045 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale). The show starts at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $16.50 to $18. Call 954-564-1074. (JB)
WED 9
Christmas parties are a drunken riot. You never know what's gonna happen -- embarrassing confessions ("I slept with your wife!") or embarrassing actions ("I'm sleeping with your wife!"). But that's America. For the wacky Brits in the play Absurd Person Singular, there's another type of competition -- social status. The Alan Ayckbourn play follows three different parties that take place in three different years, involving characters from different rungs of England's social ladder. While the play deals with the great cockney climb, that doesn't mean there can't be a little philandering too -- along with resultant suicide attempts by the adulterer's wife. Absurd Person Singular opens at 7:30 p.m. at the Central Campus Fine Arts Theatre at Broward Community College (3501 SW Davie Rd., Davie). The play runs through March 13. Tickets cost $5 to $20. Call 954-201-6884. (JB)
