Of course, a whiff of cynicism wafts in with the opening credits, wherein we establish the standard middle-America milieu. This time, Boringville, U.S.A. is a suburb of Chicago, and our tousled blond hero, Eric (Mike Vogel, a dead ringer for Mark Hamill in Corvette Summer and would've been a much better young Anakin Skywalker), is The Skater Who Must Turn Pro. His convincing stunt double successfully executes sidewalk moves (and "grinds") that land your garden-variety skate rats upside down in the gutter, so there's no doubt that he's meritorious. The movie itself remains dubious for a few minutes, as one sifts through memories of Thrashin' and Gleaming the Cube, wondering if we've landed in a big studio's unspoken nightmare division called Repackaging of Surplus Hipness. To its credit, the movie is bigger and messier than that.
Settling in, we observe Eric struggling to be taken seriously at the local pro shop called Wasted Youth, tearing down a banner at school (which reads, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?") and toiling at a ghastly fast-food joint bearing the unlikely name of Chili N Such. Indeed, the pressure is on for Eric, as for fledgling director Casey la Scala (an exec producer on Donnie Darko), who crudely employs even more text on the screen to introduce Eric's zany buds. In short, Matt (Vince Vieluf) is a hyperactive freak show who can't stop excreting, Dustin (Adam Brody) is a prissy nebbish named Dustin, and Sweet Lou (Joey Kern) is an irresistible babe magnet à la Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. Eric's goal is to unite his "friends by default, not by choice," into a team so they can chase a pro skater around the country in hopes of getting sponsored and going pro themselves.
If you stop to think about it, Eric's plan sucks so much that not even total idiots would join him. But dewy screenwriter Ralph Sall litters his script with so many references to popular confused-youth semiclassics that attentive minds will be lured away from logic by a game of Spot the Affectionate Thievery. You name it -- Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Bad News Bears series, even the odd Twisted Sister video -- it's all whipped into the mix.
Before long, the movie bursts with road-trip high jinks as the buds hit the road in Sweet Lou's funkified sex van, chasing skate shows across the country and caterwauling along with the odd Poison song in the ancient van's truly unlikely CD player. The boys betray a distinct affection for '80s tunes -- the members of Spandau Ballet will be surprised to be receiving a check, for the actual "True" even, not the stupid rap rip-off -- and soon encounter Antagonists. Foremost are some unbearable "wiggers" -- you know, spoiled, lazy white boys who behave and dress like they're retarded and lobotomized -- whose every move on their boards and in their goddamned Cadillac Escalade is a direct attack on our hapless heroes.
But there are also subtler foes, as when Eric and the boys infiltrate a "classy" dance party and encounter the horror of today's ravers. It must be noted that this movie perfectly nails that glazed dumb-fuck look that club kids practice as their stock in trade. Our four modest Midwestern boys try to shake things up with a forehead-slapper of a dance to Young MC's "Bust a Move," but the best moment comes when nerdy Dustin tries to bust a move on a glazed chick. "Let me just get you another glass of bitch," he politely suggests.
Even though the movie's general characters and conflicts could be dropped functionally into almost any setting, Grind does evince a true love for skating. Both the street action and the actual competitions are brilliantly performed and slickly lensed, from Illinois across Colorado and Arizona to an impressive finale in Santa Monica, with the likes of Tom Green and some regulars from Jackass checking in for mediocre yuks. Even though the movie was produced in California, it feels like the rawkin' enthusiasm and comradeship of Dogtown and Z-Boys' Zephyrs beamed out across America and the message is making its way back home.
Do note: If you're hoping for any shred of sophistication, forget it. Director la Scala has blathered that his lead skater girl, Jamie (Jennifer Morrison), is "empowered" or something, but she's just another boy here. All young women here are strutting T&A displays, mostly wearing jeans with the waistline cut to mere millimeters above their urethra and anus. And speaking of anus, the character of Matt spends the entire movie either releasing ghastly things out of his or commenting thereupon. With a friend like this, who needs enemas.
In fact, it's the sense of confusion, of not even knowing if your friends are worth the trouble, that makes Grind more than a dumb-ass comedy. When we see that Eric's dad is a terrible caricature of middle-aged assholery and discover that Matt's dad (a terrific Randy Quaid) is literally a clown, suddenly the desire of these uppity lads to go shred themselves a future makes a lot more sense. That the movie is funny and excels beyond Youth Culture 101 is a nice bonus.
