Police action in the heartland! Fevers sweeping Africa! Rockets lacing the skies over the Middle East! Real estate bubbles! Rising seas! Mosquito-borne illnesses! Steroids derailing professional sports!
Everywhere you look, the headlines are ballooning with more bad news. But what issue is truly itching away inside every South Floridian? What bothers you? You know... Don't be shy. Everybody, say it all together now:
Why the heck is my nose leaking like a faucet in August? Or: Why do I need a sweater at work when it's 90 degrees outside? Or: WHY THE HELL IS THIS BUILDING SO DANGED COLD?
This being August, we're officially in summer's armpit, that streak of humidity-soaked days hovering in the 90s (today's forecast: 89 degrees; feels like: 99 degrees). And yet, every building you walk into is an icebox. Just strolling down the street has you ducking arctic gales blasting through every open door. The hot-cold-hot-cold dynamic is enough to drive you crazy at this time of year, playing tricks with your head: Is it really so flipping cold in here? So New Times decided to check it out. Now, in an exclusive investigative exclusive, we went hunting for the coldest buildings in Broward County, from city halls and libraries to poker rooms and courtrooms. Here are some of the high (?) points:
Hollywood Public Library. As any homeless person can tell you, public libraries are the ideal location to burn some idle time. Computers, check. Magazines, check. Clean bathrooms, check. Oh yeah, and there are books too. At noon on a recent weekday, the carrels at the Hollywood branch were filled with people basking in the cool A/C. But according to our reading: 77.3 degrees.
As the temperature outside was striding into the 90s, the Museum of Discovery and Science seemed like a cool oasis in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Screaming kids were bolting around the lobby and stuffing Subway cookies into their mouths as moms chatted. But those high glass ceilings no doubt act like a giant magnifying glass. So speaketh the thermometer: 84.2 degrees.
Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. No indoor atmosphere is as carefully manicured as a casino's. The climate controls are set to stun: the ultimate A/C setting to keep you lulled and happy while you're losing your billfold. Or so we thought. In the middle of the afternoon at the casino's main bar, while retirees bet their social security checks on digital games in between Camel puffs, the temperature is surprisingly toasty: 80.9 degrees.
Justice is a cold bitch, however, and if you're trying to avoid an arctic environment, stay away from legal problems. Deep in the bowels of the Broward courthouse, in the records department, even the red-faced arguments over the cost of copies between folks and bureaucrats wasn't enough to spark some warmth: 74.3 degrees.
But if you want cold, like Slushee-on-a-100-degree-day cold, there's really only one place to try: Publix. On a recent afternoon, while heat waves shimmied up from the pavement, the temperature inside: 73.5 degrees.
So yes, it probably is that danged cold inside.
