When's the last time you called your mother? No, seriously, pull out your phone right now and take a look. You realize we're talking about the person who gave you life and ostensibly molded you into the person you are today, right? For shame, dear reader. For shame.
Mother's Day is right around the corner, and we here at the Pulp are giving you the head's-up a few days in advance so you can cue up the Edible Arrangements website or visit your local Yankee Candle Co. in time for the weekend.
And when Sunday comes along, don't forget to whip out the smart device your parents are probably still footing the bill for. We know you'll be grilled on who you're seeing these days, forced to discuss whatever happened to someone you couldn't care less about from high school, and asked inane questions about whether you've been eating, showering, and calling your grandma (Don't worry, there's not another holiday for that), but you owe it to your mom for not making this list. Here are the five worst Florida moms of the past year, ranked from harmless to horrible.
5. Chonga Mom If you have to have a "bad mom," she might as well be a badass too. All right, all right, I guess we can't really condone a grown woman slapping a 12-year-old girl, but apparently Irisdaly Rios was giving a preteen bully her comeuppance. Is that really so bad in the scheme of things? At least there's a moral purpose here -- Rios seems truly invested in the well-being of her spawn. The story goes that back in March, when the above video was taken, a Hialeah Middle School student named Ashley Perez was bulling Rios' daughter. Rios, whom this paper deemed Chonga Mom when the story broke, was arrested on battery charges.
4. Bad Moms Club In 2012, two Broward divorcees realized they'd wasted their lives toiling away in suburbia and decided to change course.
They formed the Bad Moms Club, a coterie of similarly minded, middle-aged women who now enjoy sexting and stalking NFL players. Their mouths are vulgar, their desires are carnal, and their future will be televised. VICE is slated to make these moms its first foray into the medium sometime this year.
3. Farrah Abraham Since there was already an entire TV series about this, all we really need to say is "Backdoor Mom" to remind you that Abraham is still making us cringe in 2014. Although she reportedly made more than $1 million on that James Deen sex tape, she won't have much else to impart to her daughter, Sophia. When asked for her take on feminism as part of a Miami New Times interview last year, Abraham replied "I'm pretty feminine." Then the former Aventura resident got confused again and thought the interviewer was implying she was a lesbian. The takeaway? Please, for the love of God, don't let Sophia be home-schooled.
2. The Moms Who Made Fun of Disabled Toddlers in a Secret Facebook Group Uhhh... this might actually be the most amazing local TV news story of last year. Rather than waste time with an introduction, here are some of the posts highlighted in a WPBF story from November:
"Before I address this... It... I want to point out that it makes my heart happy that you have a Mean Girls tab in your computer. Good stuff. Now, # 1 is this a he or a she... You absolutely can not fix ugly. This is a God given example of such."
"An ugly baby thread. I have died and gone to heaven... why can't you guys live near me so we can do this over cocktails?"
When called out by a mom mole in the group, one of the mean mothers responded:
"THIS IS FACEBOOK, NOT THE SALEM WITCH HUNT....THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY AND I WAS LAUGHING BECAUSE IT WAS FUNNY.... THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS, NEXT."
Apparently the mom who fired back at the group was offended because a picture of her developmentally delayed child in the ICU became an object of ridicule. As people who work for a newspaper, we support the First Amendment and can definitely see how the persecution of these mean moms is equivalent to what the women burned at the stake during the Salem witch trials had to go through. Sequel/possible collab, Arthur Miller??
1. The Florida Moms Who Ditched Their Kids to Go on a Mother's Day Booze Cruise Everyone deserves a vacation -- especially moms. And what better time to give moms a break than Mother's Day? Apparently, two Ocala women felt their respective 6- and 8-year-olds couldn't deliver on the celebration front last year. A macaroni necklace wasn't going to cut it for Billie Jean Williams and Mary Joyce Daffron. In an apparent gross misinterpretation of the holiday, the two women ditched their kids at a restaurant called Gator Joe's, which abuts a small body of water called Lake Weir. The kids told restaurant staff they were lost, and police eventually found the missing moms as they got off a party boat. Both were so drunk that they fell into the water.
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