It's not a secret that Jose Canseco, South Florida's most infamous meathead slugger turned reality-show washout, has a wildly popular Twitter account -- well over 400,000 followers eagerly awaiting the next 140 characters of weird, deluded complaining about how terrible and unjust it is that someone who writes two books tattling on his steroid-using friends is no longer liked by his steroid-using friends.
I wrote an article about the former MLB all-star last year (full disclosure: He called me a piece of shit) and thought I'd check in on his Twitter account, which is always full of pleas for big-league tryouts, stuff about being "blackballed," his girlfriend's cell phone number, stuff like that. What's there now, though, is way more bizarre.
Since he was banned from a Mexican baseball league earlier this month for reportedly admitting to using testosterone, his tweets have bulldozed past the semi-endearing Weird Fella Who Sometimes Gets Drunk at Buffalo Wild Wings schtick and moved straight into the Guy Yelling About the FBI and Waving a Railroad Spike Under a Bridge routine.
He's been obsessing, among other things, over challenging Shaq to an MMA match. (Don't get too excited -- you might remember the last time he was supposed to fight a celebrity in Broward County, the fight got canceled after he sent his twin brother Ozzie to fight in his place.) There was also a back-and-forth with former professional wrestler the Iron Sheik in which the Sheik said "you are no good mexican worse than tito santana raisin balls."
In addition, Ozzie is now tweeting exclusively in capital letters. Most are replies to Twitter haters in which he calls them names like "PUNK ASS MIDGET" and says things like "IM OZZIE NOT JOSE. I DON'T GIVE HUGS JUST ASS KICKINGS." Oh, and his Twitter handle is a reference to the Twin Towers.
Jose also has two tweets sent with web advertising service mylikes.com that suggest he's finally making a few bucks off of his followers by shilling for... uh... NBC's new show Fashion Star and Samsung cell phones.
I am, to put it simply, overwhelmed by this. I'll just leave you with a small sample of the others. There would be more, but I think if I read another Canseco tweet, I'll try to start a cult with him or something:
roses r red baseballs are black banned in mexico i will fight @SHAQ
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 13, 2012
@shaq on tnt is not real he is a hologram like the moon landing or princess laya .he is missing who has taken him and where is he
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 13, 2012
Dont ever let them keep you out of ur reindeer games .fight for your right
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 14, 2012
Cam we clone a human and hoe long does it take ?
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 16, 2012
Most of you clowns will die before the age of 80 if you don't pay attention to what I have to say .
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 16, 2012
i have the hips of a 20 yr old
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 20, 2012
You couldn't beat me in a pillow fight
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 26, 2012
I am a modern day Clinton Eastwood ,the good the bad and the ugly
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 26, 2012
I kill youand complete you at the same time
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 26, 2012
Driving to los angeles right now on my Cadillac cts going 140mph wonder how much better it will do with rocket fuel
-- Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 26, 2012
