Yesterday the internet nearly broke in half when an exhaustive Tampa Bay Times investigation revealed that Rick Scott dumped his dog Reagan after publicly adopting him during his election campaign in 2010.
At the time, Scott paraded the fact that he had adopted the dog and even had a name-the-dog contest on his Facebook page. He settled on "Reagan" because ORIGINALITY. Also, Ayn Rand is a weird name for a dog.
Well, according to the report, Scott dumped the dog as soon as he was inaugurated into office.
Scott was forced to admit that he did, in fact, get rid of Reagan soon after taking office.
According to Scott, Reagan -- this terrifying monster -- "scared the living daylights" out of people. So he had to ditch it.
The governor says Reagan "barked like crazy" whenever he saw a camera. So, for the sake of not having photographers scared by a barking dog, Scott was forced to get rid of the lab.
As much as it wouldn't surprise us that Scott ate the dog's soul to nourish his dark nether-worldly powers, he merely gave the dog back to its original owner.
According to the Times report, Reagan ended up at All Pets Grooming and Boarding in Naples about a year ago.
A spokesperson for the governor says he currently has a 7-year-old rescue lab named Tallee.
So Scott seems to have put his own version of dog-gate behind him. And aside from being the most pandering pandery pants we've seen for some time and aside from being the world's worst dog namer, at least Scott didn't tie the animal to the roof of his car.
OR. DID. HE??
Nah.
We're still sticking with "he ate its soul."
But that's us.
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