Rush Limbaugh's Top Ten Reasons for Smuggling Contraband Viagra into the Dominican Republic
1. The answer to high gas prices: off-shore drilling.
2. Tired of being called "Limpaugh" by the rest of the guys.
3. Surprise entry at the All-Caribbean cockfighting championships.
4. Extra lung capacity helps on the Hispaniola Peak-to-Peak marathon.
5. After three mojitos, Ann Coulter still isn't looking any better.
6. New meat: We've already screwed Haiti.
7. Guys' weekend tropical fun: Who's got the biggest banana?
8. Hurricane season must-haves: hand-held radios, can openers, and erections.
9. Little-known side effect of a raging Oxycontin habit: flaccid city.
10. Tired of being intimidated by Bob Dole in his Speedos.
Got your own suggestions for Rush and his little blue pills? Sure you do! Send them in to [email protected], and we'll give away a weekend in Santo Domingo to the author of the best one!*
(*Not really. A T-shirt or hat is more like it. But it's nice to dream about a Dominican frat-boy frolic with Rush and the boys, ain't it?)