On Wednesday, news came out that Florida ranks second in the U.S. in school shootings since the Sandy Hook tragedy two years ago.
Also, Floridians took advantage of this year's Black Friday and bought themselves a crazy amount of guns. According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, it was the third busiest day ever for gun sales in Florida.
This, along with the fact that no other state has more registered concealed weapons permits.
The point is: Florida LOVES guns. And yet, Florida remains Florida. So, bad things are bound to happen when you mix those two facts together.
Here now are seven times (out of the hundreds) when Floridians accidentally shot themselves in the dumbest ways imaginable:
7. That Time a Florida Man Shot Himself While Bowling In 2013, a Jupiter man went bowling and, naturally, was packing some heat in his bowling shorts. Because you never know when a shootout is gonna go down in a bowling alley. This isn't 'Nam. There are rules.
Apparently, as the man was rearing back to roll his bowling ball, he hit the leg pocket in his shorts where his gun was concealed. The firearm went off, hitting him in the leg.
Since this was a bowling alley, the sound of gunfire was pretty loud.
"Everybody kind of stopped," one witness told WPBF. "We were way down on this end. Everybody was looking, and all of a sudden you can tell something wasn't right."
According to the report, the man "limped back to his seat, holding his leg" after the shot went off. So points for accidentally shooting yourself in the leg while bowling but still managing to try to play if off like it was just a cramp.
6. That Time a Florida Man Threatened to Shoot His Wife's Dog but Ended Up Shooting Himself in the Face Instead What do you do when you can't find your goddamned lighter? You threaten to shoot your wife's dog, that's what. Except when you do, try really hard not to shoot yourself in the face. It's tricky, but it can be done if you follow the simple rule of pointing the barrel at your intended target instead of at your face.
Back in November, a Tampa-area man got superpissed because he couldn't find his lighter. He started fighting with his wife over it and eventually whipped out a gun and began to threaten one of her 13 collies. He probably figured he could afford to take one out, and she'd still learn her lesson. Or maybe the dog knew where the lighter was and was just fucking with the guy. Either way.
Apparently, the man -- who had an extensive arrest record for domestic battery and assaults -- began waving the gun as he shouted threats. Inexplicably, the barrel of the gun somehow ended up pointed at his face. As he went to release the hammer of the gun, it went off, killing him.
5. That Time a Florida Cop Shot Himself in the Foot While Having Dinner at a Restaurant Well, that's ONE way to try and skip out on the bill. Shoot yourself in the foot just before the waitress comes by to try and collect it.
Back in November, an off duty Davie police officer was hanging out at Geronimos Bar & Grill, located at 3528 S. University Drive, with some friends when the .380 caliber Glock in his pocket accidentally discharged and shot his foot.
According to the report, the gun fired as the officer was getting up after he had finished his meal. The report also says he wasn't drunk.
The officer suffered a bullet wound that ran through his right foot, as well as a burn to his right thigh.
The cop would go on to say that maybe the ring on his key chain hooked onto the weapon's trigger, causing it to fire. Yeah, OK, buddy. We all know you just wanted to eat and run.
Or, maybe he was really adamant about not wanting anything from the dessert menu. Those waitresses can be crazy insistent with that shit. "Are you SURE you don't have any room for this giant delicious ice cream cake?"
"I said no, damn it!"
*BLAMM!*
4. That Time a Florida Man Shot Himself While Playing Russian Roulette Playing Russian roulette is up there with other gun rules such as "don't point it at your face." Yet this one St. Petersburg man and his buddies decided that they would flaunt society's rules and play a game where you put one bullet in the chamber, place the gun to your head and, pull the trigger and the loser ends up dead, because fuck the man, man.
In 2012, the three men were playing Russian roulette and, as these things tend to go, one of them got shot. Initially, they told cops their buddy got shot by a home intruder. They even concocted a story about bumping into the intruder, which caused him to drop the gun, which is how they ended up with it. Haha, stupid intruder.
But eventually, the men 'fessed up and told the cops the truth.
The three men took a .44 caliber pistol, put one bullet into it, and began their game.
The game apparently didn't last long, because they told cops the guy who got shot was the third to take a turn. And when he did, the gun did that thing that they're supposed to do when you pull the trigger.
The man's friend and girlfriend then put him in their car and drove him to the hospital.
3. That Time a Couple of Florida Men Shot Themselves While Cleaning Their Guns Two buddies had themselves a bro hang sesh back in January when things went horribly, horribly wrong.
And by "things went horribly, horribly wrong," we mean they accidentally shot themselves while cleaning their guns.
The accidental shooting happened when one of them pulled the trigger. The bullet then went through one guy's hand while hitting the other's arm.
Whoops. Sorry, bro.
When the gun went off, the guy who got shot reportedly said, "We need to go to the hospital," which is actually pretty impressive seeing how most of us in this same situation would react by saying, "AHHH!!! GAHHHHH! OH MY GOD!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!"
The two men approached what had to be a shocked security guard at the apartment complex and asked him for directions to the nearest hospital. The security guard did one better and called the cops for them, although an ambulance might have been the way to go on that one.
2. That Time Jose Canseco Shot His Finger Off Back in October, former major league slugger/book author/time traveler/baby-goat owner Jose Canseco was apparently cleaning his semiautomatic pistol at his home in Las Vegas when the weapon discharged and blew off the middle finger of his left hand.
His girlfriend Leila logged onto Canseco's Twitter account to let everyone know he'd be fine. As fine as a person who just shot off his own middle finger could be, anyway.
Canseco was rushed to surgery, where doctors said he'll never have full use of the finger again. There were also miscellaneous reports that his mangled finger fell off during a poker game a week after the accident, though that's never been confirmed. Still, you figure the guy has done so much steroids in his life that, at this point, another finger will just grow back in its place.
1. That Time a Florida Man Shot Himself in the Penis and Ball Back in 2012, a Port St. Lucie teen bought himself a gun, which... what can go wrong when you read a sentence like that, right?
So there he was, cleaning his gun, as people with guns are wont to do, when all of a sudden, the gun went off and the teenager shot himself through his penis and testicle.
Cops say the 18-year-old lied to them, initially saying someone had shot him as he walked down the street. But after further questioning, he confessed.
Can't blame the kid for not wanting to 'fess up to the truth.
Also, just one testicle? HOW ACCURATE!
Doctors told WTSP that the bullet went through his penis and his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh.
GAH.
The kid told cops he had purchased his gun at a party, which is probably the most Port St. Lucie thing to ever happen in Port St. Lucie.
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