Yes, it's already time to start thinking about your Halloween costume -- the triumphant return of pumpkin-spice everything should have been your first clue that fall was fast approaching. Lucky for you, you live in Florida, where Halloween costume ideas practically throw themselves in front of your face every day.
Let's be honest, everyone is sick and tired of your vampire and zombie costumes; you have to do better than that if you want to stand out at a Halloween party. So why not take advantage of the plethora of costume ideas at your disposal? Don't pull that devil costume out of the attic! I have a few Florida-themed costume ideas that are much more fun and really easy to put together.
10. Florida Man
Half-man, half-zombie-looking bro, Florida man represents everything that is hilariously, and embarrassingly, wrong with criminals in Florida. Maybe you fell asleep in someone's bed during a home invasion or robbed a bank and wrote the note on your own business card. So many options here, and the best (or worst) part is that you already probably look exactly like a person from Florida.
9. Rick Scott
Pretty self-explanatory here: you're a scary-looking dude with way too much power. If you want to be timely, you could have the shadiest-looking people at the Halloween party hand you money. Just make sure throughout the night you creepily stare at people with the biggest shit-eating grin on your face; that alone will have everyone at the party telling you how much you look like Rick Scott.
8. Giant African Land Snails
Gaaaaaaaa, stucco-eating sloths! What's scarier than a giant African snail? OK, probably lots of things, but chances are you won't be embarrassed because someone else had the same costume idea. Throw this on and stand in the corner of the party for hours, then slowly take steps toward places, because you're a snail, get it? If you want to add an African touch somehow, that's on you, but I don't recommend it. Not everyone may think that's funny.
7. Joe Philbin
You probably already have everything you need for this costume lying around the house, but make sure not to forget the pencil and notepad, because you'll need to make sure everyone is on schedule. Make sure to congratulate children on their candy acquisition by awkwardly screaming at them that "you're proud of them!" and "none of this Halloween would be possible without them!"
6. Donald Trump
Ah yes, a Florida Halloween costume classic. This costume allows you to knock on people's doors and ask them for their birth certificate. Normally weird, but not in this case. It's really never not funny telling random toddlers they are fired too.
5. Venomous Tree Caterpillars
Cover your happy ass in dollar-store dusters and hang from trees threatening to jump on people who walk by. This is not the best advice; you should probably not do this thing. Actually, you should do it, for the Vine. I'd punch a guy that jumped from a tree onto my back yelling "Venomous Tree Caterpillar, bitch!" so make sure you have large friends or 4.2 40-yard-dash capabilities.
4. A Drunk Judge
This one is fun because you have to get wasted to completely commit to it. Once you are completely wasted, throw on your robe and yell "Order in the court!" at everyone at the Halloween party. Do not drive, though; whatever you do, do not drink and drive.
3. Toe-Thumb Tannehill
I'm still kind of shook from it being discovered that Tannehill has weird-toddler-toe-thumbs last week, but hell, might as well use its frightening nature for good, right? Print out some color pictures of toes, tape them to your thumbs, and put that Tannehill jersey to good use one last time before you inevitably donate it to Goodwill this offseason.
2. A Python Eating a Gator
This one might take some creativity. I suggest dressing as a python and having a friend dress up in Florida Gator gear. You could also go post-meal-look and dress up as a pregnant-looking python.
This one is already an actual costume you can buy, so you know it's possible. I have a feeling this one is going to get weird this year when bearded frat bros go for this idea, but you really can't blame them. It's wonderful. The fabric on the ready-made costume doesn't look very body-shot-friendly, so you might want to go with a three water balloons stuffed inside a sports bra. If you are a female, and the proud owner of two boobs already, this might be the easiest costume you have ever come up with.
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