Spring Break is known as a month of complete chaos for Fort Lauderdale bartenders. It's kind of like babysitting a bunch of overgrown toddlers. In the heat of the moment, restaurant staff probably fantasize about punching these amateurs in the face. How would you feel if you have to wipe some stranger's projectile vomit? Yeah, our thoughts exactly.
While these experiences might not be funny at the time, they make for hilarious stories later. We got some downtown Fort Lauderdale bartenders to share their most ridiculous Spring Break stories. Lots of naked, lots of vomit, and lots of flatulence for the win!
See also:
- Spring Break is Here: Five Places to Avoid the Amateurs
- Best Spring Break Drink Specials in Fort Lauderdale
Urinating in Public
While it is not uncommon to find random college kids peeing in ridiculous places, you would hope they could at least keep it to the Frat House. That was not the case with one Frat Boy last spring break. One random bartender had the unfortunate encounter of finding himself in a dark corner of the bar with a Spring Breaker nuzzled up in a corner by himself. When the bartender asked the Spring Breaker what he was doing, he was met with the response, "I'm pissing. what does it look like?" Needless to say, the Breaker was kicked out of the bar with his pants down. Talk about getting caught redhanded.
Projectile Vomiting
Puking and college kids kind of go hand in hand. What else would you expect from a teenager drinking Long Islands? Again, while they know vomiting college kids are just a thing, bartenders don't want to have to deal with the mess. In one downtown bar, an already shwasted Breaker walked up to the bar to order a few Four Horsemen, a shot of straight-up Jim Bean, Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker Black, and Jose Cuervo. We want to puke just thinking about it. The Breaker then proceeded to make his way toward the bathroom Private Ryan-style: slowly falling to the ground as if he were being shot. Unfortunately, his nasty drink concoction decided to make its way up as he was going down, in a projectile format. The worst part came when he landed in it and had to get dragged out by the bouncers, covered in vomit. Now there's a way to make an exit.
Taking it Off
All of the downtown bars have age restrictions after 11 p.m. One determined--and, of course, wasted -- underaged Breaker so badly wanted to make her way in, she decided to give the bouncers a bit of a peep show. Rather than do the normal Spring Break thing of pulling the boobs out, this young lady decided to show the doormen her newly pierced clitoris ring. And then she showed everyone else: managers, bartenders, shot girls. Needless to say, she was granted entrance. This little lady most definitely made an impression.
Farting
Spring Breakers are known to wear as little clothing as possible. One night, at one downtown bar, one Breaker decided to take eleven shots of Gran Marnier in a row. The results of which ended with him ripping his shirt off and jumping onstage to perform with one of the many downtown cover-bands. Obviously, the bars bouncers were not fans of this Breakers shirtless antics, so they quickly pulled him off the stage. Unfortunately, while this wasted Breaker was being carried away, he let one rip on the bouncers shoulder. Way to let her rip buddy.
Taking More Off
One nice young, curvaceous lady walked into one of the many downtown bars featuring a display of ladies undergarments. Excitedly she asked the male bartender, "Oh my God! You take bras and panties from different girls and hang them up? Can I give you mine?"
"Uh. Sure," replied the male bartender
The Breaker proceeded to take off her bra and handed it over.
She then asked, "Can you take my panties too?"
"Uh. Sure," he replied again.
Wearing a short skirt, the Breaker attempted to take off her underwear while wearing a rather high pair of heels. On the way off the panties got stuck on one of the heels, which she then kicked up on to the bar--revealing everything the underwear was supposed to cover. Rather than cover up--or pull her leg down from the bar--she started to laugh. At the same time a huge South Beach bodybuilder-type guy walks into the bar.
"Oh. That's my boyfriend," she said while handing over her panties.
Slightly shocked and somewhat intimidated the bartender replied, "She offered. I didn't ask."
Better judgement aside, he held the underwear up to his face, sniffed it, and hung it above the bar. And luckily the girl's boyfriend didn't punch him in the head. A happy Spring Break memory for all.
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