Looking to start a bar fight at your favorite neighborhood haunt?
If so, there are several tactics to use that are guaranteed to result in hurt feelings and/or fisticuffs.These tactics include but are not limited to-- poorly executed your-mama jokes, extolling the virtues of Neil Diamond, and hurling insults about someone's race/sexuality/ethnicity.
While all of these topics will eventually result in you finding yourself on the business end of a pool cue, nothing will enrage people more quickly than by telling them that you detest pumpkin-flavored beer.
In South Florida, people's love for pumpkin beer runs deep.
Perhaps it's because we want to latch on to any inkling of fall that we
can get get our hands on. Sadly, our subtropical climate has robbed us of the
joy of autumn leaves, the ability to wear winter boots without
judgment, and the legitimate need for a knit scarf.
For some (not
you, of course!) the love of pumpkin beer can be summed up to one more
reason to drink (as if you they needed another reason). Amidst all of
the pumpkin beer specials, toasts, and tastings, what's a hater to do? If you are part of the minority in South Florida that equates
drinking pumpkin flavored beer with sucking on a holiday edition Glade Plug-In, we've got
you covered.
Here are five tasty pumpkin beer alternatives.
Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving option doesn't
involve holding hands, noisy kiddie tables, or awkward round-table discussions on
how you've managed to ruin your life again. Pre-game for your next family gathering with this Thanksgiving version of a Cape Cod.
In a lowball glass (or flask) combine:
2oz. (or 3 oz. if you have a particularly annoying family) Pumpkin Pie Vodka
4oz. of cranberry juice
A touch of maple syrup (optional)
Garnish liberally with tears
Pumpkin Pie Martini
You probably saw this one coming...
In a martini shaker with ice, combine 4oz. Pumpkin Pie Vodka and 1oz. Whipped Cream flavored Vodka. Just shake and drink straight from the shaker.
For a classier presentation strain into a martini glass and share the cocktail with your guests.
Pumpkin Margarita
Some people celebrate Dia de los Muertos because they want to remember their loved ones who have passed away. Then there are those who celebrate the holiday because let's face it, it's one more reason to break out the tequila. Dust off your sarape and that can of pumpkin puree that has been sitting in your pantry since fall 2008, it's time to make a pumpkin margarita.
In a shaker filled with ice, combine 2 oz. of tequila reposado, 1oz. of Grand Marnier, 1oz. of lime juice, 1 oz. of pumpkin puree. Shake and strain into a margarita glass that has been rimmed with cinnamon and sugar.
Make one for you and one for your homey.
Smashing Pumpkin Shot
If you can still manage to take a shot without singing LMFAO's "classic" hit, Shots then give a Smashing Pumpkin shot a try. In a shot glass, combine equal parts of Bailey's Irish Cream, Kahlua, and Goldschlager. Pound, Refill, and Repeat (responsibly, of course).
Though you hate to admit it, you've probably been mumbling the lyrics to Shots this whole time haven't you? Good luck getting that one out of your head. You're welcome.
Pumpkin Beer
Bet you didn't see this one coming. This no-frills treat is similar to an Irish Car Bomb. Replace the Bailey's shot with a shot of Pumpkin Pie creme
liqueur , drop the shot into a pint of Guinness or the stout of your choice and you've got yourself a pumpkin beer that you can actually enjoy. Drink this one quickly otherwise your blood won't be the only thing curdling this Halloween.
Bottoms Up!
