Florida State Legislature

Five Most Important Florida Bills That Failed

The Florida Legislature is kind of like that family friend who comes and crashes your pad for two weeks, rearranges everything in your cupboards, tells you exactly what kind of person you are, and then leaves so you can live in the mess they just created. After two more quick months of politicking ... More >>

Texting-and-Driving Ban May Be Dying a Slow Death

Just two weeks ago, the Senate unanimously pushed through Bill SB 52, which would ban texting while driving on Florida's roads. Then, on Wednesday, the House passed the ban. So that's the end of it. The Florida Legislature at work yaay!! Except that, no. Because the bill might not even make it t ... More >>

EBT Cards Banned at Strip Clubs by Florida Senate

The days of using your welfare card to make it rain on some fine ladies dancing on the pole, and then getting yourself some booze, is now officially a thing of the past. On Friday morning, with no debate, the Florida Senate unanimously approved the bill that will not allow the use of state issued e ... More >>

Gun Control Bill Dies, Florida Legislature Reacts Accordingly

Ah, Florida Legislature. No, Gays, you can't do that. No, Women, you can't do that. No, Poors, you can't have that. BUT TAKIN' MAH GUNZ IS A VIOLATION OF MAH RIGHTS!! And so it goes. When news broke that the gun control bill hit the proverbial brick wall and died Wednesday afternoon, your el ... More >>

Florida Medical Marijuana Bill Might Be Dead

It's not looking good for the the Cathy Jordan Medical Cannabis Act, a bill that would legalize medical marijuana in Florida. While the Florida Legislature has gone ahead and moved forward with trying to ban bongs, the Cathy Jordan bill has yet to even get a hearing in either the House or the Senat ... More >>

Majority of Floridians Support Gay Marriage, According to Latest Poll

Florida has come a long way in the past few years when it comes to gay marriage and marriage equality. According to the latest Public Policy Poll, a whopping 75 percent of Florida voters support gay marriage. This is a seismic shift from not long ago, when the majority of Floridians didn't want ga ... More >>

No More Visits to Strip Clubs With Your EBT Card, if Florida Bill Gets Passed

The days of using your welfare card to make it rain on the fine ladies dancing on the pole, and then getting yourself some booze, will soon be a thing of the past. That is, if House Bill 701 becomes a law. You're just going to have to get a second or third job to get yourself a lap dance now, guy.

Old People Want You to Stop Texting and Driving

AARP has 2.8 million members in Florida, and a good number of them want people to stop it with all the texting and driving already. Mostly because they're not sure what texting is. Is it for sex? We kid, we kid. It's really dangerous, and people shouldn't text and drive. The question is, should i ... More >>

Amendment 6 Gets Voted Down; Women's Reproductive Privacy Is Protected

The GOPers in the Florida Legislature put Amendment 6 on the ballot this year and were roundly told to eat a crap sandwich by Florida voters. Basically, voting YES on the amendment would have prohibited public funds for abortions, drastically limiting access to safe abortion care as well as limiti ... More >>

Rick Scott Gave Out an Adult Phone Line Instead of Meningitis Hotline

This might be the most Rick Scott thing ever. During a meeting of the Florida Cabinet on Tuesday, Scott stepped up to give an update on the fungal meningitis outbreak the state has recently been dealing with. But Scott screwed up and gave out the wrong number for the meningitis hotline, which was ... More >>

Southern Alliance for Clean Energy Looking to Fight Off Rising Nuclear Power Costs for FPL Customers

In 2006, the undaunted geniuses in the Florida Legislature came up with the Florida Renewable Technology and Energy Efficiency Act, a shady law that basically gives utility companies like FPL and Progress Energy Florida permission to charge customers for something that might be built or fixed, witho ... More >>

Rick Scott's Unemployment Compensation Laws Aren't Working

Of course Florida is the hardest place to get unemployment benefits. Because that's how we roll!The U.S. Labor Department is investigating complaints from unemployed Floridians that Rick Scott and the Florida Legislature's labyrinthine gauntlet to receive unemployment compensation is one giant compl ... More >>

Emergency Shelter Plan: Rick Scott Sets Aside More Places to Hide From Disasters

We're less than a month away from the official opening of hurricane season. After reading our recent cover story about modern-day survivalists, you may feel compelled to make better preparations this year than the usual ritual of hoarding toilet paper, bottled water, and Chef Boyardee from Publix at ... More >>

Jenson Bolla-Sosa, Accused of Having Sex With Dog, Faces Charges Under Florida's New Antibestiality Law

Everybody had a good, amused chuckle when the Florida Legislature finally passed that antibestiality law last year -- "Oh, Florida," everybody said, figuring the thing would get relegated to cheesy lists of weird laws, in between the one about washing your house on Tuesday afternoons and the one abo ... More >>

Fort Lauderdale Commission Signs Off on Laundry List of Complaints About Casino Plans

​Fort Lauderdale commissioners voted unanimously to complain send off a resolution saying the city's not exactly a fan of the "destination resort casino" bill in the state Legislature -- which is sponsored in the Senate by Fort Lauderdale Sen. Ellyn Bogdanoff.Aside from that little rift in interes ... More >>

Florida Legislators Want to Declare That Osama bin Laden's Death Was a Good Thing

​It hasn't passed either chamber of Florida's Legislature yet -- so it's not official -- but memorial bills filed in the House and Senate suggest that Osama bin Laden's death was a good thing.Ranking somewhere around Sen. Stephen Wise's "Christmas break" bill as far as importance is concerned, the ... More >>

Florida Abortion-Ban Bill: "Personal Liberty Is Not a License to Kill"

​Once again, the "Florida for Life Act" has been submitted in the Florida Legislature. The bill would ban abortions not related to medical emergencies and would make it a first-degree felony to perform or assist in the performance of an abortion.Rep. Charles Van Zant has filed the bill on the Hous ... More >>

Cyber Monday Targeted by at Least One Legislator for Not Helping to Create Jobs

​Apparently the only argument coming out in favor or against any bill this session in the Florida Legislature is related to whether it creates jobs.(See: dwarf tossing, ban on.)Today, when people head to the interwebs to buy things at a price that doesn't require setting up a tent outside of Best ... More >>

Boca Raton's Lynn University Scores the Final Debate in the 2012 Presidential Election

cosmicsmudge.wordpress.comThe Pulp goes with "over."​President Obama will debate some guy (don't pretend like Michele Bachmann is in contention) at Lynn University in Boca Raton next year, according to an announcement from the Commission on Presidential Debates.The debate, scheduled for October 22 ... More >>

New Voting Laws in Florida and 13 Other States May Affect 5 Million Eligible Voters, Study Says

​New voting laws passed in 14 states -- states that control 171 of the 270 electoral votes needed to win a presidential election -- could make voting "significantly harder" for more than 5 million people who are actually eligible to vote, according to a new study.As many as 1 million of those peop ... More >>

Florida Ranks Very High in Economic Study; Unfortunately, It's About People Being Poor

​A study from the Florida Center for Fiscal and Economic Policy says Florida ranks third, fourth, and fifth out of the 50 states in three different economic indicators.Unfortunately, those indicators are the highest rates of residents without health insurance, the largest percentage of children un ... More >>

Dream Act Bill Filed in Florida Legislature

The Dream Act would help immigrant students.​A bill that would make college more affordable for undocumented immigrants has recently been filed in the Florida Legislature.If passed, the Dream Act would allow undocumented immigrants who attended three or more years of high school in Florida to qual ... More >>

Will Privatizing Prisons Save Florida Money? Arizona Study Says Maybe Not

The GEO Group was a huge donor to political campaigns.​Last month, the Florida Legislature passed a landmark plan to privatize nearly all of the prisons in the southern part of the state, including those in Broward and Palm Beach counties. The bill was a thinly-veiled stimulus package for the priv ... More >>

Bill Nelson Warns Rick Scott to Veto Election Bill or Face a Federal Investigation

State lawmakers want to keep people from having sex with animals. U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson wants to keep lawmakers from screwing voters.​Although it seems like Gov. Rick Scott will make the bold and progressive move of banning bestiality, he still plans to screw voters. The election overhaul bill, wh ... More >>

The Toll Of Public Service

You know those before and after photos of presidents showing how much they aged during their years running the country? Here's one example: ​iThat's a big difference but it's nothing compared to what spending time in the Florida Legislature does to a politician. Inside, see the photograp ... More >>

Florida GOP: Uterus Is a Bad Word, Should Be Seen (Before Abortions) and Not Heard

OBSCENE​One time in first-grade art class, I said the word penis, or some approximation of it, to my classmate Will, who was a tattler. "I'm telling!" said Will, and suddenly I was at risk of having my blue ribbon taken away by my homeroom teacher. So, with some half-formed notion of self-respect, ... More >>

Drug Testing for Welfare Checks

​Looks like state employees aren't the only ones who will have to pee in a cup before they get a check.On Thursday, a bill that would require welfare recipients to pass a drug test before they could receive state benefits advanced in the Florida Legislature. The proposed law also requires that tho ... More >>

[UPDATED] "Toothless" Commission on Ethics Gives Legislators Something to Chew On

Flickr: simplelogikThat's the kind of arsenal you need to get a jaw-full of Florida corruption​The political scandals in Broward County have roused the Florida Commission on Ethics from its comatose state. An outfit derided as "toothless" is asking the Florida Legislature to give it a new set of c ... More >>

Man and Beast: State Bird Gets the Heave-Ho; Monkeys Go Home; Pythons Morph Into Man-Eaters

The rock python's scary-sexy maw.​Amnesty Day is coming up on October 3, but that's amnesty for you, not for our scaly friends. Owners of exotic reptiles may turn in their anacondas at Gatorland in Orlando, no questions asked. It's time for Spot the reticulated python to find a new home, if he sur ... More >>

Palm Beach Rebs Threaten Secession

Rebellion, Palm Beach-style​Nothing secedes like excess. We here at the Juice thinks it makes  sense: Palm Beach town councilman William Diamond urged his fellow confederates at yesterday's council meeting to consider seceding from Palm Beach County and forming a  new county of its very ... More >>

Bum Fights: Do Liberal New Yorkers Know What Happens to Homeless in Florida?

Flickr: 71sbeetle​It's advertised as a way to deal with a city's homeless problem in the most humane way possible -- give 'em one-way tickets out of town. But that's only if the progressives in cities like New York aren't reading headlines like we've got down here, about Florida leading the nation ... More >>

Hallandale Rep Clashes With Blue Dog in Black Caucus

Photo: myfloridahouse.govRep. Joe Gibbons​Joe Gibbons better watch out. Not only is he no longer the chairman of the Florida Legislature's black caucus. But the new chairman is Gary Siplin, the state senator from Orlando famous for trying to put a crucified Christ on the Florida license plate. And ... More >>

New Hampshire Ends Live Greyhound Racing; Will Florida Follow Suit?

Jailamony used to race at Mardi Gras. Now she sits around looking adorable. Live greyhound racing in New Hampshire ended swiftly this week with a new state bill that allows the two tracks there to have simulcast betting without having to run dogs on the premises. Similar bills have been propo ... More >>

Selling Used Video Games Now Requires Essentially Getting Booked

Proof that he didn't make it past Mario's second level.I'm in line at Gamestop the other day, breaking down and finally buying the much-hated NCAA Football '09, when I hear the clerk ask the guy in front of me for his fingerprints. He's returning a game, and the clerk breaks out some kind of form. H ... More >>

Just Look at the House Republicans Inaction!

When House Republicans caucus, I'll bet it looks something like this: Star Wars-Imperial March - Click here for more amazing videosAmid all the other state budget crises, it's not getting nearly enough attention, but the Florida Legislature is on the brink of giving the heave-ho to $444 million in f ... More >>

Legislators Pay Lip Service to Dreaded Compromise

FLHouse.govHasnerCompromise is what distinguishes the effective, conscientious governments from the dysfunctional ones, and the lack of it has been a drag on the Florida Legislature for some time. One would think that this year's gaping, $6 billion budget hole would make compromisers out of the stub ... More >>

Seminoles: Senate Version of Compact, Please

The Florida House and Senate have both drafted legislation that would dramatically alter the games at Seminole casinos. Either the Tribe's profits will take a huge leap back or huge leap forward.The House version scales back the games that the Tribe can offer, eliminating card games so that the casi ... More >>

Election Office Denying New Voters

Lady of the House

She's got three kids, 650,000 constituents, and millions of watching eyes. Debbie Wasserman Schultz can't keep them all happy.

Mayo, Euthenasia, and DeGroot

Every Damn Time

The License Plate Gambit

Don't think you're going to get rich by attaching a slogan to the backs of people's cars.

Letters for April 21-27, 2005

Letters May 6-12, 2004

Save 'em from slaughter; end the travesty:

One-Way Street

Popped for DUI? Smile. You've just fallen victim to the DHSMV's kangaroo court.

West Palm's Next Mayor Speaks

Forget Joel Daves. Lois Frankel rules.

Best Mile of Broward/Palm Beach

State Road A1A

Minority Madness

Wisecracking Democrats in Tallahassee were steamrollered during the presidential contest. But they didn't take it lying down.