Joe Philbin

Mike Wallace Headed to the Dolphins, According to the Internet

NFL free agency doesn't kick off until Tuesday at 4 p.m. which is both the most arbitrary time to schedule the start of free agency and a tad annoying to people that have to report these things (WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE MEDIA???). But that's not stopping rumors and reports from swirling endlessly.& ... More >>

Dolphins Crush Jaguars 24-3, Still Not Going to the Playoffs

It's always nice to walk away from watching a Dolphins game and not feel like you just fell down and punctured your scrotum with your car keys. Sunday's game against the visiting Jacksonville Jaguars was such a day. Ryan Tannehill put together the best QB rating at 123.2, and completion percentage ... More >>

Dolphins Get Roughed Up by Titans, 37-3

The 4-5 Tennessee Titans came into SunLife Stadium pretty much the worst defense, statistically. Until Sunday afternoon, they were on pace to set an NFL record for most points allowed in a single season. Yet the Dolphins could manage only three points against them while turning the ball over four t ... More >>

Dolphins Defeat Rams 17-14, Are Now Tied For First Place In Their Division

The Dolphins are 3-3 and locked into a four-way tie with the rest of the AFC East. Which means either the Dolphins are good again, or the AFC East really, really sucks. Either way. While 3-3 is as mediocre as it gets in the NFL, it's still a vast improvement from the dog shit canon that used to be ... More >>

Dolphins Fall in OT to the Jets

The Miami Dolphins lost because they can no longer do the one thing this team was always only capable of doing -- kick field goals. And so the New York Jets came to town, managed to play like a sack of crap, and still pulled out the 23-20 victory, because our kicker forgot how to kick field goals, ... More >>

Dolphins Take Down Raiders 35-13

Holy shit. The Dolphins won. Oh yes. They so did. The Miami Dolphins were able to go into Sunday's game against the Raiders and not do that thing where they play like a sack of ass, and were able to dismantle Oakland 35 -13, giving the FIns their first home opener victory since 2005. The win al ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Dolphins' Daniel Thomas Passes Concussion Test, Still Won't Play Sunday

Dolphins running back Daniel Thomas was bonked on the head during 30-10 loss against the Houston Texans last Sunday. He left the game with an apparent concussion and didn't return. But according to Orlando Alzugary of 640 Sports, Thomas passed his concussion test. However, according to Alzugary's s ... More >>

Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Preview: Innovators of Suck

Your Miami Dolphins are set to kickoff the 2012 season this Sunday at Houston (a team, incidentally, they have never beaten ever in the entire existence of American tackle football history). If you haven't noticed, we're living in the golden age of pass-first football. Passing records are falling b ... More >>

Hard Knocks Season Finale: The Tannehills Make a Table!

Last night was the season finale of Hard Knocks, which means it's all downhill for the Miami Dolphins from here on out. As far as season finales go, this one was a weird amalgam of boring, sad, and -- for some inexplicable reason -- Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. With the first four episodes featuring ... More >>

Dolphins Finish Winless in Preseason

In what is the least shocking news ever, the Miami Dolphins headed into Dallas yesterday and proceeded to get blasted in the face by a bazooka at the hands of the Cowboys to the tune of 30-13.So now the 2012 Dolphins join the 1966 and 1989 teams that went winless in the preseason. And if you look it ... More >>

Hard Knocks Episode 4: All Vontae Davis Wants to Do Is Call His Grandma

Last night's episode of Hard Knocks was all heartache and Jeff Ireland. We saw the stark reality of players' dreams of playing professional football halted by the cruel, cutthroat world of the NFL. And we saw firsthand just how thoroughly Ireland sucks at his job. We also saw that, no matter wha ... More >>

Jake Long Is Fine; Dolphins Still Suck

Yesterday during Dolphins practice, left tackle Jake Long (aka "THE WARHAMMER") went down like a sack of hammers, continuing his yearly trend of getting injured just before the last game of the preseason. Long injured his right knee, and for a while there, the Dolphins feared he had d ... More >>

Miami Dolphins vs. Atlanta Falcons: Five Things To Look For

With two pre-season games left to play, the Dolphins still have a lot of unanswered questions lingering like a drunk old man who won't leave the bar. Ryan Tannehill wonders who he'll be throwing to. Joe Philbin wonders if any of the bubble players will step up and earn a job. Jeff Ireland wonders i ... More >>

Hard Knocks Episode 3: HUMP WEEK

Last night's episode of Hard Knocks featured rookies singing, Reggie Bush leading, offensive linemen puking and a sad puppet.Most of all, it featured what might be the turning point in the franchise's future: Ryan Tannehill winning the starting quarterback job... and then offensive lineman Richie In ... More >>

Ryan Tannehill Is Mixed Bag In Debut

Ryan Tannehill got his first NFL start on Friday, and things went exactly as you'd expect them to go when it's the Miami Dolphins: not great.That's not to say Tannehill was a disaster. He was sharp, made nice throws, and showed a knack for the offense. It's just that the rest of the team is so shitt ... More >>

Ryan Tannehill Announced As Week 1 Starter For Dolphins

Well, that didn't take long.Joe Philbin just spoiled tomorrow's episode of Hard Knocks because earlier this afternoon, he announced that rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill will be the Dolphins Week 1 starter. Let's everybody go crazy with irrational expectations! FUCK YEA!Taken with the eighth o ... More >>

Hard Knocks Episode 2: Chad's Requiem & Penis Haircuts

Last night's episode of Hard Knocks featured gut-wrenching moments, scrappy white receivers, Sean Smith shutting people down, David Garrard getting injured, Chad Johnson getting fired, and rookies getting cock-and-balls-shaped haircuts.It was a jam-packed episode. Here's your recap:

Karlos Dansby Changed His Mind About Being Unhappy About the Dolphins Releasing Chad Johnson

Yesterday morning, Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby went on Sid Rosenberg's morning show on 640 AM and said that the team releasing Chad Johnson is a bigger distraction than Johnson himself. Because Dansby figured the best thing he could possibly do to help avoid distractions was to go on sports ta ... More >>

Chad Johnson Cut by Dolphins Following Domestic Violence Arrest

A Walgreens receipt for a box of condoms and a head-butt inside a Smart Car have led the Dolphins to end the Chad Ochocinco/Johnson era in Miami. Just two months after joining his hometown team as a free agent, Johnson was released by the Miami Dolphins following his Saturday night arrest on a domes ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Open Preseason Against Bucs: Five Things To Look For

Your Miami Dolphins open their 2012 season tonight when they host the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in a pre-season matchup FUCK YEA. It's a whole new start (again!) for the Dolphins, as they unveil a new coaching regime (again!), a offensive scheme (again!), a new defensive scheme (again!) an ... More >>

Joe Philbin Hates F-Bombs, Loves Seinfeld

HBO's Hard Knocks featuring the Miami Dolphins debuted last night and filled us all with the inevitable feeling of false hope and overhyped enthusiasm for our shitty, shitty football team.But a reality show featuring the Fins is a nice change of pace from their old NORAD-like, supersecretive attitud ... More >>

The Other Potential Dolphins Quarterback: What Happens if Peyton Manning Doesn't Pick Florida?

​Who the hell knows where former Colts quarterback Peyton Manning is going to end up. With sports reporters wildly repeating whatever their perpetually unnamed sources are telling them, we've heard the Miami Dolphins' hopes of landing the star are "losing steam," that it's a two-horse race between ... More >>