Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio Calls For Non-Existent IRS Commissioner To Resign

Marco Rubio and the GOPers have their new Obama outrage to dryhump with this IRS fiasco where they targeted conservative groups during the 2012 election. And so Rubes is asking -- nay, DAMANDING -- that the IRS Commissioner resign his IRS Commissiony job effective immediately because... outrage! A ... More >>

Marco Rubio Is Going to Go Hard to the Hoop On Immigration In the Coming Weeks

Marco Rubio is about to go all-in on being The Guy For The GOPers in 2016, more so than he already is The Guy For The GOPers in 2016. And he's doing it via the thorny immigration reform policy which, just like every other damn thing in Washington, has split the parties asunder. According to Politi ... More >>

Marco Rubio Has Angered GOP Rep. Peter King With His Marco Rubioness

Back in January, New Face Of The Hope Of New GOP Future Marco Rubio voted against the $60.4 billion in aid for Sandy relief bill because O MAH GAWD ALL DEH PORK! And recently, Charisma Boy! flew to New York to raise campaign money (maybe also selling those awful Rubio Thirsty bottles) But at least ... More >>

Marco Rubio Pledges Opposition to Gun Legislature Because of Reasons!

In his never-ending, undaunted quest to be the new face of the GOP by being the old face of the GOP, Marco Rubio will add to his nonbigoted hatred of gays, his marginalizing of women, and his denial of scientific fact ways by fighting off any and all attempts to pass gun legislation.He signed a thin ... More >>

Marco Rubio Hates Gays but Isn't a Bigot, According to Marco Rubio

Give Marco Rubio a break, you guys. Sure he opposes gays from having the same rights as straights in every possible way imaginable, including the right to marry the person you're in love with and the right to not get fired over your preference of whom you choose to sleep with during your own privat ... More >>

Marco Rubio Sells Water Bottles, Raises More Than $100,000

Marco Rubio reeeaalllyyy wants you to to see that he triumphs over embarrassing this shit out of himself on live-national television in front of millions of viewers tragedy with this whole thirsty talking guy fiasco from last week. First he tweeted out a photo of his Poland Spring water bottle mome ... More >>

Marco Rubio's Big Shining Introduction to America Upstaged by Bottle of Water

Fresh off of voting NO for the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act, Marco Rubio hit the airwaves to introduce himself to America as the GOP shinning beacon of light that will take the White House in 2016. This was his time to shine, to upstage the president by introducing alternative solution ... More >>

Why Do We Care About Marco Rubio's Water? We Shouldn't

By 11 o'clock last night, it was clear what the news of today would be: Marco Rubio's water. Around ten minutes into his rebuttal last night -- you know, just the biggest moment of this guy's life -- he looked down, looked back up, took on a look of someone who has to go the bathroom RIGHT NOW, and ... More >>

The Daily Look At This!: Marco Rubio's Cotton Mouth In All Its Glory

The Daily Look At This! is our daily video and or gif of the day. What better way to kick off our new feature than with a collection of all the sticky, glurping cotton mouth noises that emanated from Marco Rubio's face during his State of the Union response last night. Enjoy! You can read our f ... More >>

Marco Rubio to Say a Whole Lotta Nothing Tonight

As we told you last week, Marco Rubio will be performing the GOP Feats! Of! Strength! as he delivers the State of the Union address response tonight. And, in a shocking twist, he plans on painting President Obama as a Big Government Spender Who Is Just a Socialist Spending Guy Who Spends Big Agenda ... More >>

Violence Against Women Act: Marco Rubio Votes No, Bill Nelson Votes Yes

On Tuesday, the Senate renewed the Violence Against Women Act by an overwhelming 78-22 vote. Parts of the renewal include domestic violence protection for gays, lesbians, immigrants and Native American women. Bill Nelson voted "yes" to renew the act. Marco Rubio voted "no." Banner day for that g ... More >>

Why Does Marco Rubio Like Bad White People Music?

Marco Rubio released his Spotify playlist yesterday. It couldn't have been more hilarious, and, in a sense, very troubling. Apparently, Marco Rubio exclusively listens to the rhythms of America's suburban and white and cliche youth. His Spotify list teems with top-40 trying-to-stay-with-it songs. ... More >>

Marco Rubio to Deliver GOP State of the Union Response

Looks like next week's State of the Union address response by the GOPers is gonna be a little more charisma-y than what everybody's used to. Republicans have announced that Charisma Boy! himself, President Sen. Marco Rubio, will be delivering their response to President Barack Obama's State of the ... More >>

Marco Rubio Manages to Convince Hannity and Limbaugh to Support Immigration Proposal

Marco Rubio is using his Charisma Boy! powers to Jedi Mind Trick a couple of the most influential GOPer talking heads into actually accepting the liberal(ish) immigration plan he and his fellow senators are touting. Most notably, Rubes convinced Fox News' Sean Hannity as well as radio nutter Rush ... More >>

Marco Rubio, Dissing All His Tea Party Pals, Pushes a "Pathway to Citizenship"

With Republicans foundering amid fiscal-cliff apoplexy and John Boehner looking more bewildered by the day, Marco Rubio, in a sharp departure from earlier hard-line immigration positions, said yesterday he's in favor of a pathway to citizenship. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, what he said was: "The b ... More >>

Marco Rubio Voted No on Fiscal Cliff Bill

On the first ay of the brand new year, the House voted 257-167 to approve the Senate bill that would avoid major tax hikes and spending cuts and keep us all from falling over the so-called "fiscal cliff," which would've been a terrible way to start 2013. The GOPers wanted to amend the Senate's bill ... More >>

Sorry, the Allen West Vocational Night School is Only a Dream Now; Broward Schools No Longer Named After the Living

Yup, this means the Rick Scott Embalming Academy, Marco Rubio Junior High and the Chris Bosh Ballet and Tap School are all back on the shelf for the next couple of decades (hopefully) -- at least in Broward County. After some past missteps in the Thickheaded Public Policy Department, the Broward sch ... More >>

Screw you, Matthew Bell of Esquire: A Defense Of Marco Rubio's Hair

You know what the worst thing in the world is? When some yuppie New York schmuck wearing designer Gucci-whatever tells you how shitty you look. Worse still, when that New York douche bag has access to a wide audience to critique your awful appearance. And you know what makes us want to punch our ... More >>

Marco Rubio and Hillary Clinton Are Favorites for 2016, According to New Poll

The nation just went through a long, arduous, heated election cycle that felt almost as endless as standing in line for eight hours to vote. And that means only one thing: TIME TO START TALKING ABOUT THE NEXT ELECTION HELL YEAH!See also: -Jeb Bush Favored Over Marco Rubio for President, Accordi ... More >>

Marco Rubio Says Homosexuality Is a Sin, but He's Not Judging or Anything

On Wednesday, Marco Rubio sat down with Politico's Mike Allen at a Playbook breakfast and made it clear that he does know that the Earth is 4.5 billion years old, even though he once said the age of the Earth is one of the great mysteries. But he's no scientist, man. So, hey. Rubio said that he sti ... More >>

Marco Rubio Knows the Earth Is 4.5 Billion Years Old, Thank You Very Much

A few weeks ago, Marco Rubio was asked by GQ how old he thought the Earth was in one of them uppity gotcha questions the lamestream media love to throw at Republicans. Rubio's answer was, "I'm not a scientist, man." Then he rambled on about how the age of the Earth was a furtive mystery that has e ... More >>

Marco Rubio Slams Lilly Ledbetter Act, Says It Helps "Trial Lawyers Collect Their Fees"

Marco Rubio went on ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos on Sunday, and did that thing that GOPers do when they don't like what Obama did, but instead of offering their own solution, they just bitch and whine and say dumb things. This time around, Charisma Boy! decided the best way to defend ... More >>

Marco Rubio Got Interrupted by Hecklers Today

Marco Rubio was giving a speech to the Florida delegation at the Innisbrook Resort in Tampa today, when he was interrupted several times by members of Stand Up Florida. Among them was also former Lake Worth City Commissioner Cara Jennings, who's made it a regular practice to protest Allen West' ... More >>

Media Barred From Marco Rubio's Speech to the Forum Club

See also:Marco Rubio Will Introduce Mitt Romney at RNCMarco Rubio will be giving a speech at a Forum Club of the Palm Beaches lunch at the Palm Beach County Convention Center next week. But, per the Florida senator's request, Rubio's speech won't be heard by the media."He was glad to speak to t ... More >>

Obama Campaign Crowdsourcing Ways to Attack Marco Rubio

See also: Marco Rubio Admits to Puking After Vodka-Shot ContestThe Obama campaign sent an email to supporters last night. The subject line was "Florida's Marco Rubio for VP?" and its aim was pretty clear: They want you to tell them why you don't like the junior senator from Miami."With Mitt Romney e ... More >>

Rubio's Wrong: Tax the Olympians

La-dee-dah, Sen. Marco Rubio doesn't think the money Olympians get paid for winning should be taxed. As our colleagues in Miami point out this morning, Rubio has proposed that the prize money ($25,000 for gold, less for silver and bronze) given to winning athletes should be exempt from taxation. It ... More >>

Marco Rubio Admits to Puking After Vodka-Shot Contest, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen Makes Fun of Him

The Miami Herald had a story over the weekend outlining some of the contents of Sen. Marco Rubio's autobiography, An American Son, due to come out tomorrow. It included a tidbit about Rubio's drinking habits:Where President Obama, for instance, admitted drug use in his first autobiography, Rubio is ... More >>

Rubio Chief of Staff Still Receiving Cash From Former Lobbying Firm

Cesar Conda, Sen. Marco Rubio's chief of staff, received  $50,000 to $100,000 from the lobbying firm he used to work for, according to an investigation by campaign finance website Republic Report.Though Conda left the firm before taking the job at the head of Rubio's office, Rubio spokesman Ale ... More >>

Marco Rubio Still Saying He Won't Accept VP Nomination; He's the Favorite Anyway; You Can (Literally) Bet on It

​An Ohio television interview scheduled to air Sunday will feature Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio reiterating that he isn't interested in the vice presidential nomination."I'm not going to be the vice president, and I'm not running for a national office," Rubio told the Ohio News Network. Whe ... More >>

Marco Rubio Dropping His Support of the PROTECT IP Act

Sen. Marco Rubio​That was quick. Less than an hour ago, Sen. Marco Rubio announced he no longer supports the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) -- the Senate version of the Stop Online Privacy (SOPA) -- which he was previously a cosponsor of.As we noted this morning, two South Florida congressional representat ... More >>

Marco Rubio and Florida University Salaries: There Are Apps for That

astriker.comJesus, an iPhone kind of guy.​If the youngsters out there need something a little more high-brow than a fart-noise application for their iPhones, there are now apps for that.Sen. Marco Rubio announced the release of the aptly named "U.S. Senator Marco Rubio" application for the iPhone, ... More >>

Marco Rubio: Washington Post Story "Misses the Point Completely"

​Last week, the Washington Post published its exposé on how Sen. Marco Rubio "embellished" his family history, and after a few days, no one's really sure what the hell happened there.The Post validates the reasoning behind the article correcting Rubio's family history -- which involves dates befo ... More >>

Birthers Convinced Marco Rubio Is a Cuban Citizen, and Yes... Obama's Still a Kenyan

Sen. Marco Rubio​Pass the tinfoil; we've got more hats to build.Sen. Marco Rubio is a hot pick for the vice presidential spot on the ticket of several GOP presidential candidates, but according to the birther lab, he's not eligible to be president or vice president because he's not a "natural-born ... More >>

Marco Rubio Butt-Kissing Won't Help GOP Candidates Win Florida, According to Poll

​There's been a common theme among this year's GOP presidential candidates -- firmly planting their lips on the buttcheeks of Sen. Marco Rubio and dropping his name as a potential running mate.If that's a ploy to win Florida in a general election, it won't help, according to survey results release ... More >>

Marco Rubio as Mitt Romney's Vice Presidential Pick a "Dream Ticket," Romney Adviser Says

Marco Rubio​Republican presidential candidates are going to need an incredible campaign strategy to dismantle President Obama in the 2012 election.Two of the biggest challenges are winning large swing states, like Florida, and figuring out how to get Hispanic voters to pick in their favor.The answ ... More >>

Marco Rubio's Insufferable, Preening Religiosity

Ave Maria Law School, where Marco Rubio delivered a commencement address on May 15th, was founded in 1999 by the Catholic fanatic Tom Monaghan and a few fellow papists from Michigan. That this is an explicitly, in-your-facedly religious school rather loosened Marco's tongue, so that each time he sai ... More >>

Marco Rubio Rescues Orphans

​Marco Rubio loves foreign policy! I can't think of a single frosh senator who's so jubilantly committed to speaking out about, and screwing around with, the international community. First he came down like a gazillion-pound freedomhammer on the Ba'athist cretin Bashar al-Assad (which did little g ... More >>

The Conservatives Who Can't Stand Rubio

Gage SkidmoreWatching the right flank.​When Marco Rubio talks foreign policy, it's hard not to get a little misty. The guy so obviously believes what he says and what he says are such good, noble, red-blooded and freedom-loving things that they could have been lifted from a fireside chat with Fran ... More >>

Marco Rubio On Waterboarding

​"We need to find out how this information was gathered," said Marco Rubio to the Tampa Tribune, referring to the intelligence on Osama bin Laden's courier that led to last Sunday's raid. "Again, this is not for the purposes of saying we were right and you were wrong. It's for understanding what w ... More >>

Marco Rubio: Government Officials and Federal Contractors Are Completely Honest

Trust me! I'm with the government!​Marco Rubio usually says what he means. Which is why his fans -- and I count myself among them, even though I disagree with just about every one of his policies -- should be saddened by a small item at the bottom of his latest weekly newsletter, entitled "Marco R ... More >>

Marco Rubio Slams Donald Trump's "Birther" Tendencies

...and this is why we like Marco Rubio. Disagree with his politics, fine. His opinions differ from yours. Whatevs. At least he's not willing to completely sell out his rational faculties for some desperate scoop at the bottom of the electoral barrel, a la Donald Trump. And he says so!

Marco Rubio: Defender Of Israel

Rubio.​"As we work to reduce wasteful government spending," wrote Sen. Marco Rubio in a letter to Mitch McConnell on Thursday, "we recognize that providing for the national defense is a constitutional responsibility of the federal government. Therefore, we must continue to prioritize the security ... More >>

Marco Rubio: Celebrity.

​This week, political junkies made much of Sen. Marco Rubio's sudden re-emergence in the national media after three months of almost total silence. Some people -- by which I mean "I" -- thought Rubio's invisibility was a sign that his celebrity had ebbed -- that he'd permanently ceded star power t ... More >>

Marco Rubio: Defender of Marriage

Marco Rubio: No homo.​Sen. Marco Rubio offered this statement early this week, re: the legislative branch's decision to challenge the Obama administration on its decision that DOMA isn't worth defending:I want to thank Speaker Boehner and the House Republican leadership for taking action to defend ... More >>

The Morning After: Marco Rubio, God, and You

Although Broward County election results saw a dead split between Marco Rubio and party-line pushover Kendrick Meek in the three-way race for U.S. Senator, statewide Rubio swept 49% of the vote, leaving Meek and Gov. Charlie Crist with less than 30% each. Rubio's strongest showing was in northern co ... More >>

Marco Rubio's "Reclaim America" Slogan Promises More Divisive Politics

Rubio wants to reclaim America from his moderate side.​In July, Marco Rubio announced a 23-point initiative that would become the slogan for his campaign for U.S. Senate. He called it "Ideas to Reclaim America," and it signaled that Rubio would remain on the far right of the GOP. He issued a state ... More >>

Marco Rubio Gets Big Campaign Bucks From Oil Giant Koch Industries

Rubio, a darling of Big Oil.​Four months ago, as oil from the Deepwater Horizon disaster gushed into the Gulf of Mexico and threatened Panhandle beaches, Republican U.S. Senate candidate Marco Rubio stubbornly defended his support for offshore drilling."The issue of offshore drilling is not going ... More >>

Marco Rubio Has Risen With Lightning Speed, but Conservatives Alone Can't Carry Him to the White House

With Middle East Policy, Rubio Goes Back to the (Dystopian) Future

Flickr​Marco Rubio is correct in saying that Barack Obama's policy toward Israel is a departure from that of past U.S. presidents. But in his Friday speech at the Republican Jewish Coalition, Rubio neglected to describe the Golden Age of Israeli-Palestinian relations produced by American diplomats ... More >>

Pie in the Face: A Year After Pizza Party, GOP Slipping Further From Jeb Bush

FlickrIn today's GOP, Jeb Bush sits on the sidelines.​It's been about one year since Jeb Bush teamed with Rep. Eric Cantor and Mitt Romney to throw a pizza party with the hope of bringing the Republican Party back from its extremist brink. How'd that go for you, Jeb?Not good, according to this art ... More >>