NBA Southeast

Miami Heat Decides It's Had Enough of the Bulls, Proceeds to Destroy Them

The Chicago Bulls, fresh off having their their asses blown off in Friday's game three, decided to go the ole "HEAD GAMES" route before last night's game four. The Bulls turned the tables on the narrative of this series -- that they can't score, so therefore they need to nail option B, which is to ... More >>

Miami Heat Unleash Hell Fire Vengeance on Bulls in Game Two

O HAI WORLD CHAMPION MIAMI HEAT BASKETBALL After losing by seven to the Chicago Bulls and choking away Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals on Monday, the Heat decided to stuff all the Fucks they could find into giant garden-sized Glad bags, went into the American Airlines Arena for Game 2, ... More >>

Erik Spoelstra Is Glad He Didn't Win Coach of the Year

Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra did not win the 2013 NBA Coach of Year, coming in second in votes to Denver Nuggets coach George Karl. And that's the way Spo wants it. "I was probably more pleased this morning than George Karl," Spoelstra said when told Karl beat him for the award. The reas ... More >>

Miami Heat Chokes Away Game One Against Bulls

Well now. That was a bit rough. A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim Noah sw ... More >>

Miami Sweeps Bucks as Udonis Haslem Inexplicably Finds His Jumper

The Miami Heat was able to wrap up target practice with the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday night by winning 88-77, giving the team its first-ever playoff sweep. The Bucks received a lesson in asshole-punching with a syllabus that included things like how to obliterate your opponent in four easy steps and ... More >>

Miami Heat Won't Stay at Haunted Hotel in Milwaukee

The Miami Heat are in Milwaukee to resume their first-round best-of-seven series against the Bucks. Games 3 and 4 will be played at the BMO Harris Bradley Center tonight and Sunday.But according to 790 the Ticket's morning radio show, the Heat has decided to stay at a different hotel than usual. Pri ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy ... More >>

LeBron James Has Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA Behold His Works and Despair

While the Miami Heat has won 110-87 and taken a 1-0 series lead over the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, it's pretty safe to say this one was over before it began. Not just the game. The whole damned series. This Heat team and, more to the point, LeBron James, are not ju ... More >>

Miami Heat 2013 Ass-Wrecking Tour Part II Starts Sunday

Here we go, Heat fans.Now that the regular season is over, and the Miami Heat competed a team-best 66-win season, and all the media-myth created nonsense about LeBron James being a choker is over and done with, and all the media-myth created nonsense about Heat fans being the worst fanbase in the NB ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics: Eat the Teams Today at Coco's Corner Cafe

Are you a Heat fan? Sure, that questions sounds easy, but since many south Floridians come from the northeast, there could, potentially, be just as many Boston Celtics fans out there. Look around you and put your conspiracy theory goggles on. Didn't the guy in accounting run the Boston Marathon once ... More >>

LeBron James Passed the Ball to Himself for a Monster Dunk

With the national media crowning the New York Knicks the 2013 NBA Finals Champions this past week, it was easy to forget that the Miami Heat are on the verge of breaking the all-time franchise win mark and clinching homecourt advantage throughout the playoffs. It's also easy to forget that LeBron J ... More >>

Pat Riley Wants the Miami Heat to Keep Destroying the NBA for Another Ten Seasons

As LeBron James has plowed through the league in a Heat uniform, laying waste to NBA teams and haters since arriving in the summer of 2010, one nagging "report" has continued to nag at the center of it all: LeBron might opt out of his 2014 Miami Heat contract and go back to Cleveland! While those i ... More >>

Chris Bosh, Miami Heat Take Down San Antonio Spurs Without LeBron James and Dwyane Wade

Prior to Sunday's big-time-holy-crap-it's-maybe-a-possible-NBA-Finals-preview game against the mighty San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat Head Coach Erik Spoelstra announced that the team would be without LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Mario Chalmers. All three were apparently dinged up and in need of re ... More >>

Smashburger Giving Heat Fans Free Burgers Today and Every Day Following a Win

Basketball season has been good to Heat fans this year. With a 58 to 15 record of wins, it's no surprise to see South Floridians all riled up at the office water-cooler. Well, locals have yet another reason to get excited about Miami Heat wins. Smashburger is rewarding Heat fans with free ... More >>

Miami Heat Winning Streak Ends at 27

Last night, the Chicago Bulls finally got revenge for the 1996 game in which a depleted Miami Heat team beat Michael Jordan's 72-win team 113-104 by ending the 2013 Heat's chase for the all-time NBA winning streak. With no Derrick Rose or Joakim Noah, the short-handed Bulls came out swinging agains ... More >>

Top Ten Moments of the Miami Heat's 27-Game Winning Streak in GIF Form!

The Miami Heat's epic run at the all-time NBA winning streak came to an end in Chicago on Wednesday night.And while the HATERZ and media and other various forms of troglodytic internet dwellers are celebrating a regular-season loss that is essentially as meaningless as their lives today, Heat fans a ... More >>

Jim Larranaga Dancing, Heat Winning Streak, FGCU: Florida Is Suddenly The Mecca of Basketball

In what has become the perfect storm of face-smashing dunks, fearsome jumpers, and all-around hardwood awesomeness, Florida is right now, officially, the mecca of basketball. Thanks to the Miami Heat, Miami Hurricanes Men's basketball team, and the rise of the mightiest of underdogs in Florida Gulf ... More >>

LeBron James and the Miami Heat Are a Walking Epic Poem: Miami Overcomes 27-Point Deficit to Win 24th Straight

The Cleveland Cavaliers tried everything to end the Miami Heat's record-setting win streak on Wednesday night. They tried the ole "weird oily substance that leaks from the ceiling and delays the game for 35 minutes" trick. They tried the "crazy fan runs onto the court in the middle of the game wit ... More >>

LeBron James Is Glad It Was Jason Terry He Obliterated With That Dunk

Unless you've been trapped under something (or someone) heavy the past 24 hours, you've seen the video of LeBron James utterly destroying Celtics bigmouth Jason Terry with something that can only be described as The Dunk of Annihilation. Because the internet is an awesome place, video of the dunk i ... More >>

Miami Heat Wrecks Celtic Ass as It Earns Record 23rd-Straight Win

The Miami Heat walked into the all-consuming ocean of douche and insufferableness that is Boston's TD Garden Monday night and laid its record-setting 22-game winning streak on the line. The Celtics were ready from the GO and came at the Heat with a furious effort that spawned a career night for Jef ... More >>

Miami Heat Makes It 20 Wins in a Row

Things started pretty much how you'd expect from a team heading into its second night of a back-to-back road set for the Miami Heat on Wednesday night. And the Philadelphia 76ers were more than ready and willing to clobber the Heat with a snow shovel to the face and be the team to end Miami's soul- ... More >>

Miami Heat Reminded the Indiana Pacers Whose World It Is

The reaction among the experts, media and haterz the world-over after the Indiana Pacers had roughed up and beaten the Miami Heat in the teams' first two meetings this season was that the Pacers clearly had Miami's number, and that the Heat might as well go the way of the Montreal Expos and no longe ... More >>

Minnesota Timberwolves "Harlem Shake" Video Inspired by Butthurt

In case you weren't aware, the Miami Heat went into a cold, miserable, decrepit city whose sole claim to fame is that they have a giant mall (nice job, you guys!) on Monday night and completely blew up the Minnesota Timberwolves' collective assholes into oblivion by a score of 97-81. See also: -Mia ... More >>

LeBron James Ruined New York's Good Times

DIS WUZ SAPPOS'D TAH BE DA SUMMAH O' NEW YOAWK. DA YEAH DA KNICKS BRAWT LARRY OH BRY-YAN BACK TA DA MEKKA -- DA GAHDEN. MELO AND JAY AHH SMITH WERE GONNA RESTOAH GLOREE TA DA GREATEST CITY ON DA FACE O'DA EARF! SIMPLY BY VIRTUW OF BEIN DA KNICKS. WUTDAFUCKHAPPEN'D? It might be hard for Knicks fans ... More >>

LeBron James and Dwyane Wade Brought the Ruckus Against the Feisty Sacramento Kings

The Sacramento Kings putting up 129 points on the Miami Heat at the Triple-A and forcing two overtimes is as absurd as IKEA selling meat. And yet, there it is. The Kings came into Miami's house, put their feet up on the table, ate all the food, and scratched their balls on our couch. A feisty bunc ... More >>

Miami Heat Takes Down Bulls, Wins Ninth Straight

The Miami Heat is currently riding a nine-game winning streak through a subtle yet delicate and refined mixture of sound fundamental basketball and relentlessly and mercilessly smashing opponents in the face. The latest victim of the maelstrom of ass-bludgeoning was the Chicago Bulls. Battling thr ... More >>

Miami Heat Start Second Half of Season With Takedown of Hawks

There's always concern when a team on a hot streak gets assaulted by the NBA All-Star game and everyone's gotta stop playing so the media can make a big deal out of Kobe Bryant's blocking LeBron James' shot in the most meaningless game of the year. And that concern was not immediately alleviated wh ... More >>

LeBron James and the Heat Smash the OKC Thunder 110-100

The Oklahoma City Thunder are among the best, most dangerous teams in the NBA. Particularly on their home floor, where they storm the court like bloodthirsty grizzly bears, frothing at the mouth, scoring at will and laying waste NBA teams that dare walk onto Chesapeake Energy Arena to take them on. ... More >>

Prediction: OKC Will Beat Heat in Thursday NBA Finals Rematch

Valentine's Day this year won't be about love or roses. Thursday is likely to be about Heat fans -- and LeBron James -- crashing back to Earth.That's the day we take on Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder in the belly of the beast. Last night, the hot hot Heat came back strong at the end of th ... More >>

University of Miami Basketball Jumps Again in AP Poll

By halftime on Saturday at the BankUnited Center, while most of the sold-out crowd was twisting out their necks trying to get an eyeful of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade courtside, the national beat writers and TV analysts holed up in the media room were already tossing around the question: Are the Hu ... More >>

Heat Sign Chris "Birdman" Andersen For Remainder of the Season

For a long while now this season, the Miami Heat were languishing at the bottom of the league in rebounds. This was partly due to them not having a real rebounding specialist. It was also because the Heat sometimes approach regular season games like a kid playing with his mashed potatoes. Basica ... More >>

Obama to Honor the Miami Heat for Being the Most Awesome Basketball Team on the Planet

As you may have heard, the Miami Heat are kind of a big deal. In that the team eradicates anyone and anything that gets in its way of winning basketball games. And, as you may have heard, the Miami Heat won the NBA title last year. So, as is custom in this great nation of ours, the President of th ... More >>

Obama Welcomes Miami Heat to the White House

President Obama welcomed the Miami Heat to the White House on Monday afternoon to honor the team for kicking everyone's ass in the 2012 NBA Finals. Obama cited a pickup game some of the members of the Heat participated in with the president on his birthday as the real reason the Heat were able to g ... More >>

Miami Heat Worth $625 Million, According to Forbes

With three of the league's biggest egotistical asshats superstars filling out their roster, not to mention a fresh championship, you would think the Heat would at least land in the top five when it comes to the highest valued NBA franchises. Almost, but not quite, so says Forbes. According to the bi ... More >>

Chris "Birdman" Andersen and Mike Miller Performed "Ice Ice Baby"

The Miami Heat's Shane Battier hosted his second-annual "South Beach Battioke Celebrity Karaoke Contest" on Monday night. The event has turned into a must-see as members of the Heat get up on stage and sing karaoke for charity, with proceeds going to the Battier Take Charge Foundation. And while L ... More >>

Miami Heat Sign Chris "Birdman" Andersen to Ten-Day Contract

The Miami Heat, in desperate need to have someone grab more than four rebounds a game (seriously, the Heat are currently ranked 29th in rebounds, which is just straight-up ass), worked out Chris "Birdman" Andersen two weeks ago, and apparently liked what they saw enough to sign him to a 10-day contr ... More >>

Miami Heat Workout Chris "Birdman" Andersen

In case you haven't noticed, as kickass as the Miami Heat has been this season (23-9 so far), they've been refried ass when it comes to rebounding. The World Champs rank among the worst in the league in rebounding.  To fix this, team President Pat Riley worked out former Denver Nugget and cur ... More >>

Miami Heat Takes Down OKC on Christmas Day, 103-97

Throughout the early part of the NBA season, the men of the Miami Heat played basketball games like they were simply hoarding their fucks for the impending Mayan Apocalypse. Their defense was terrible. Their shooting, erratic. Their desire, seemingly lacking. But, since Christmas is a time of gi ... More >>

Miami Heat Ready for Christmas Showdown With Thunder

It's Christmas Day. Which means family, gifts, egg nog, and Miami Heat basketball. Lately the Heat have had to face off against the Lakers during the X-Mas Day Showdown. But this year, the NBA deemed it necessary to schedule a rematch of the NBA Finals (Remember that? When the Heat dismantled the O ... More >>

Don't Worry, Miami: NBA Fans Everywhere Still Hate the Heat

Despite a couple of good swings, the Miami Herald's Dan Le Batard pretty much failed to connect with reality in his column last Sunday, a 1,000 word humble-brag tricked out as a nostalgia job. The basic thesis here moans that the Heat's 2012-13 season is a lot less "fun" now that the entire sporti ... More >>

Heat Fall to the Lowly Washington Wizards, 105-101

This is what happens when the Heat players look like they left all their fucks in their other jeans and those jeans are in the wash. A 105-101 loss to the Washington Wizards, the worst team in all of professional sports: That's what happens. It's nothing new. The Heaters have been lollygagging the ... More >>

LeBron James Exploded on the Rockets Last Night

We've seen it before. And yet, every time he does it, it's like witnessing a supernova in person for the very first time. It may take some work to grapple with LeBron's awesomeness. Breaking down his game might be counterintuitive. Only because, even though we think we've seen this kind of game be ... More >>

Miami Heat Get Their Rings, Take Down Celtics

The Miami Heat kicked off the 2012-12 season last night by first getting their championship rings, and then by sticking a foot into the Celtics' assholes. 'Twas a glorious night indeed. And while traditionally ring ceremony games have been a snoozer, mainly because the team getting their rings we ... More >>

David Stern Called Hurricane Sandy "Katrina" Last Night Before Heat Game

Lost in the hoopla that was the amazeballs that was the Miami Heat championship ring and banner pregame ceremony was NBA Commissioner David Stern taking a moment to remember the victims of the recent storm that hit the North Atlantic by calling it Hurricane Katrina. "Before we begin, I know that ev ... More >>

The Cocky Heat Fan's Guide to Why the Miami Heat Will Repeat as NBA Champions

The NBA season kicks off tonight when the Miami Heat hosts the Boston Celtics. But before that, the Heat players will be receiving their championship rings and unveiling their 2011-12 NBA Finals Champions big-ass banner that will hang in the rafters at the American Airlines Arena like a giant pair o ... More >>

NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Beat the Lakers in the Finals

NBA.com took their annual general manager survey recently and, according to the consensus, the Miami Heat will repeat as NBA champions, this time beating the L.A. Lakers. The thirty GMs of the NBA were asked 57 questions with topics ranging from who will win the MVP, to best off-season moves, to be ... More >>

Top 10 Miami Heat Haters in the Media

The Miami Heat will begin their NBA title defense next week. It's been a harrowing journey since the Big Three came together in the Summer of 2010. The whole world watched and hated and delighted when they failed to beat the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. Then they were forced to eat it hard w ... More >>

Obama Says He's the Miami Heat, Romney Is Jeremy Lin

Remember Linsanity? The New York Knicks point guard who took the world by storm because he came out of nowhere, and because the New York sports media are insane? Lin was hitting game-winning shots, putting up Steve Nash-like numbers and riding a wave of fan euphoria from America to China and all ... More >>

Miami Heat Says It Lost $3 Mil to Rothstein

Miami Heat Say They Lost $3 Million in Scott Rothstein Ponzi

The Miami Heat has reached a settlement to recoup part of what it says was a $3 million loss from its involvement in the $1.4 billion Scott Rothstein Ponzi scheme, according to documents filed Tuesday.The RRA bankruptcy trust initially sued the Heat and its affiliate, Basketball Properties Ltd., to ... More >>