Seven seconds. The Miami Heat was seven seconds away from losing its NBA crown and watching the San Antonio Spurs celebrate a championship on its home court. Heat fans were seven seconds away from having their hearts ripped out of their chests and their souls condemned to a weary and sullen existe ... More >>
As the Heat gets ready to take the floor for Game Six of the NBA Finals tonight, some players may have more on their minds than championship aspirations. Like the possibility that they'll be wearing a Miami jersey for the last time. We're not talking role players here either -- those changes are i ... More >>
Just as it was in Game 3 of these roller coaster NBA Finals, the San Antonio Spurs caught fire in Game 5, and torched the Miami Heat with a 60 percent shooting performance that has the world champs at the brink of total destruction. The series switches back to Miami (finally!), and the Heat will n ... More >>
Remember when Dwyane Wade was a liability to the Heat in these Finals and we all wrote him off, like a bunch of assholes? Pffft. Wade dropped his pants, and then he dropped 32 points in Miami's 109-93 Game 4 beatdown of the San Antonio Spurs to even the series at two-games apiece. MV3 turned on t ... More >>
The Miami Heat entered San Antonio for Game 3 looking to build on its Game 2 19-point blowout win and take a 2-1 series lead. Instead, the Heat was routed 133-77, destroyed by a barrage of three-pointers from the Spurs that never seemed to end. Every time you looked, the Spurs were hitting anothe ... More >>
With the Heat facing the prospect of having to travel to San Antonio down 0-2 in their best-of-seven NBA Finals series, Miami found itself in its most must-win game of the season on Sunday night. The Spurs had come off a gut-punching victory over Miami in Game 1, highlighted by a Tony Parker's circ ... More >>
The Miami Heat were off to a fast start in Game 1 of the NBA Finals. From the tip-off, they controlled the tempo, played strong defense, and actually hit open J's. And then the fourth quarter happened. And the Heat suddenly morphed into a bunch of assholes in sneakers. And the Spurs' Tony Parker ... More >>
Your Miami Heat is headed to its third-straight NBA Finals after vanquishing the Indiana Pacers in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, 99-76. While Indiana gave Miami all it could handle in this series, it was the Heat's stifling defense coupled with the world-devouring awesomeness of LeBron J ... More >>
After dropping Game 4 to the Indiana Pacers on Tuesday, the Heat found itself in a 2-2 tie in an Eastern Conference Finals that seemed to suffocate the life out of the world champs.Although the series was knotted up, it felt like Indiana was having its way with Miami, man-handling the Heat players a ... More >>
Thanks mostly to the Heat's role players shooting the basketball like it was a bag of piss, some putrid rebounding, strong play from the Pacers' Roy Hibbert, and a crapload of atrocious officiating from the referees, your 2013 Eastern Conference Finals is all knotted up at 2-2. After cracking the P ... More >>
The Indiana Pacers' Paul George had himself a coming out party. He led Indiana with 27 points, and hit an impossible 30-foot three-pointer to stun the Miami Heat and force overtime. Then, with just 2.2 seconds remaining in the OT, George hit three consecutive free throws to put the Pacers ahead. An ... More >>
The Chicago Bulls, fresh off having their their asses blown off in Friday's game three, decided to go the ole "HEAD GAMES" route before last night's game four. The Bulls turned the tables on the narrative of this series -- that they can't score, so therefore they need to nail option B, which is to ... More >>
O HAI WORLD CHAMPION MIAMI HEAT BASKETBALL After losing by seven to the Chicago Bulls and choking away Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals on Monday, the Heat decided to stuff all the Fucks they could find into giant garden-sized Glad bags, went into the American Airlines Arena for Game 2, ... More >>
Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra did not win the 2013 NBA Coach of Year, coming in second in votes to Denver Nuggets coach George Karl. And that's the way Spo wants it. "I was probably more pleased this morning than George Karl," Spoelstra said when told Karl beat him for the award. The reas ... More >>
Well now. That was a bit rough. A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim Noah sw ... More >>
The Miami Heat was able to wrap up target practice with the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday night by winning 88-77, giving the team its first-ever playoff sweep. The Bucks received a lesson in asshole-punching with a syllabus that included things like how to obliterate your opponent in four easy steps and ... More >>
The Miami Heat are in Milwaukee to resume their first-round best-of-seven series against the Bucks. Games 3 and 4 will be played at the BMO Harris Bradley Center tonight and Sunday.But according to 790 the Ticket's morning radio show, the Heat has decided to stay at a different hotel than usual. Pri ... More >>
The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy ... More >>
While the Miami Heat has won 110-87 and taken a 1-0 series lead over the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, it's pretty safe to say this one was over before it began. Not just the game. The whole damned series. This Heat team and, more to the point, LeBron James, are not ju ... More >>
Here we go, Heat fans.Now that the regular season is over, and the Miami Heat competed a team-best 66-win season, and all the media-myth created nonsense about LeBron James being a choker is over and done with, and all the media-myth created nonsense about Heat fans being the worst fanbase in the NB ... More >>
Are you a Heat fan? Sure, that questions sounds easy, but since many south Floridians come from the northeast, there could, potentially, be just as many Boston Celtics fans out there. Look around you and put your conspiracy theory goggles on. Didn't the guy in accounting run the Boston Marathon once ... More >>
With the national media crowning the New York Knicks the 2013 NBA Finals Champions this past week, it was easy to forget that the Miami Heat are on the verge of breaking the all-time franchise win mark and clinching homecourt advantage throughout the playoffs. It's also easy to forget that LeBron J ... More >>
As LeBron James has plowed through the league in a Heat uniform, laying waste to NBA teams and haters since arriving in the summer of 2010, one nagging "report" has continued to nag at the center of it all: LeBron might opt out of his 2014 Miami Heat contract and go back to Cleveland! While those i ... More >>
Prior to Sunday's big-time-holy-crap-it's-maybe-a-possible-NBA-Finals-preview game against the mighty San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat Head Coach Erik Spoelstra announced that the team would be without LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Mario Chalmers. All three were apparently dinged up and in need of re ... More >>
Basketball season has been good to Heat fans this year. With a 58 to 15 record of wins, it's no surprise to see South Floridians all riled up at the office water-cooler. Well, locals have yet another reason to get excited about Miami Heat wins. Smashburger is rewarding Heat fans with free ... More >>
Last night, the Chicago Bulls finally got revenge for the 1996 game in which a depleted Miami Heat team beat Michael Jordan's 72-win team 113-104 by ending the 2013 Heat's chase for the all-time NBA winning streak. With no Derrick Rose or Joakim Noah, the short-handed Bulls came out swinging agains ... More >>
The Miami Heat's epic run at the all-time NBA winning streak came to an end in Chicago on Wednesday night.And while the HATERZ and media and other various forms of troglodytic internet dwellers are celebrating a regular-season loss that is essentially as meaningless as their lives today, Heat fans a ... More >>
In what has become the perfect storm of face-smashing dunks, fearsome jumpers, and all-around hardwood awesomeness, Florida is right now, officially, the mecca of basketball. Thanks to the Miami Heat, Miami Hurricanes Men's basketball team, and the rise of the mightiest of underdogs in Florida Gulf ... More >>
The Cleveland Cavaliers tried everything to end the Miami Heat's record-setting win streak on Wednesday night. They tried the ole "weird oily substance that leaks from the ceiling and delays the game for 35 minutes" trick. They tried the "crazy fan runs onto the court in the middle of the game wit ... More >>
Unless you've been trapped under something (or someone) heavy the past 24 hours, you've seen the video of LeBron James utterly destroying Celtics bigmouth Jason Terry with something that can only be described as The Dunk of Annihilation. Because the internet is an awesome place, video of the dunk i ... More >>
The Miami Heat walked into the all-consuming ocean of douche and insufferableness that is Boston's TD Garden Monday night and laid its record-setting 22-game winning streak on the line. The Celtics were ready from the GO and came at the Heat with a furious effort that spawned a career night for Jef ... More >>
Things started pretty much how you'd expect from a team heading into its second night of a back-to-back road set for the Miami Heat on Wednesday night. And the Philadelphia 76ers were more than ready and willing to clobber the Heat with a snow shovel to the face and be the team to end Miami's soul- ... More >>
The reaction among the experts, media and haterz the world-over after the Indiana Pacers had roughed up and beaten the Miami Heat in the teams' first two meetings this season was that the Pacers clearly had Miami's number, and that the Heat might as well go the way of the Montreal Expos and no longe ... More >>
In case you weren't aware, the Miami Heat went into a cold, miserable, decrepit city whose sole claim to fame is that they have a giant mall (nice job, you guys!) on Monday night and completely blew up the Minnesota Timberwolves' collective assholes into oblivion by a score of 97-81. See also: -Mia ... More >>
DIS WUZ SAPPOS'D TAH BE DA SUMMAH O' NEW YOAWK. DA YEAH DA KNICKS BRAWT LARRY OH BRY-YAN BACK TA DA MEKKA -- DA GAHDEN. MELO AND JAY AHH SMITH WERE GONNA RESTOAH GLOREE TA DA GREATEST CITY ON DA FACE O'DA EARF! SIMPLY BY VIRTUW OF BEIN DA KNICKS. WUTDAFUCKHAPPEN'D? It might be hard for Knicks fans ... More >>
The Sacramento Kings putting up 129 points on the Miami Heat at the Triple-A and forcing two overtimes is as absurd as IKEA selling meat. And yet, there it is. The Kings came into Miami's house, put their feet up on the table, ate all the food, and scratched their balls on our couch. A feisty bunc ... More >>
The Miami Heat is currently riding a nine-game winning streak through a subtle yet delicate and refined mixture of sound fundamental basketball and relentlessly and mercilessly smashing opponents in the face. The latest victim of the maelstrom of ass-bludgeoning was the Chicago Bulls. Battling thr ... More >>
There's always concern when a team on a hot streak gets assaulted by the NBA All-Star game and everyone's gotta stop playing so the media can make a big deal out of Kobe Bryant's blocking LeBron James' shot in the most meaningless game of the year. And that concern was not immediately alleviated wh ... More >>
The Oklahoma City Thunder are among the best, most dangerous teams in the NBA. Particularly on their home floor, where they storm the court like bloodthirsty grizzly bears, frothing at the mouth, scoring at will and laying waste NBA teams that dare walk onto Chesapeake Energy Arena to take them on. ... More >>
Valentine's Day this year won't be about love or roses. Thursday is likely to be about Heat fans -- and LeBron James -- crashing back to Earth.That's the day we take on Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder in the belly of the beast. Last night, the hot hot Heat came back strong at the end of th ... More >>
By halftime on Saturday at the BankUnited Center, while most of the sold-out crowd was twisting out their necks trying to get an eyeful of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade courtside, the national beat writers and TV analysts holed up in the media room were already tossing around the question: Are the Hu ... More >>
For a long while now this season, the Miami Heat were languishing at the bottom of the league in rebounds. This was partly due to them not having a real rebounding specialist. It was also because the Heat sometimes approach regular season games like a kid playing with his mashed potatoes. Basica ... More >>
As you may have heard, the Miami Heat are kind of a big deal. In that the team eradicates anyone and anything that gets in its way of winning basketball games. And, as you may have heard, the Miami Heat won the NBA title last year. So, as is custom in this great nation of ours, the President of th ... More >>
President Obama welcomed the Miami Heat to the White House on Monday afternoon to honor the team for kicking everyone's ass in the 2012 NBA Finals. Obama cited a pickup game some of the members of the Heat participated in with the president on his birthday as the real reason the Heat were able to g ... More >>
With three of the league's biggest egotistical asshats superstars filling out their roster, not to mention a fresh championship, you would think the Heat would at least land in the top five when it comes to the highest valued NBA franchises. Almost, but not quite, so says Forbes. According to the bi ... More >>
The Miami Heat's Shane Battier hosted his second-annual "South Beach Battioke Celebrity Karaoke Contest" on Monday night. The event has turned into a must-see as members of the Heat get up on stage and sing karaoke for charity, with proceeds going to the Battier Take Charge Foundation. And while L ... More >>
The Miami Heat, in desperate need to have someone grab more than four rebounds a game (seriously, the Heat are currently ranked 29th in rebounds, which is just straight-up ass), worked out Chris "Birdman" Andersen two weeks ago, and apparently liked what they saw enough to sign him to a 10-day contr ... More >>
In case you haven't noticed, as kickass as the Miami Heat has been this season (23-9 so far), they've been refried ass when it comes to rebounding. The World Champs rank among the worst in the league in rebounding. To fix this, team President Pat Riley worked out former Denver Nugget and cur ... More >>
Throughout the early part of the NBA season, the men of the Miami Heat played basketball games like they were simply hoarding their fucks for the impending Mayan Apocalypse. Their defense was terrible. Their shooting, erratic. Their desire, seemingly lacking. But, since Christmas is a time of gi ... More >>
It's Christmas Day. Which means family, gifts, egg nog, and Miami Heat basketball. Lately the Heat have had to face off against the Lakers during the X-Mas Day Showdown. But this year, the NBA deemed it necessary to schedule a rematch of the NBA Finals (Remember that? When the Heat dismantled the O ... More >>
