Ray Allen

Miami Heat Chokes Away Game One Against Bulls

Well now. That was a bit rough. A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim Noah sw ... More >>

Miami Sweeps Bucks as Udonis Haslem Inexplicably Finds His Jumper

The Miami Heat was able to wrap up target practice with the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday night by winning 88-77, giving the team its first-ever playoff sweep. The Bucks received a lesson in asshole-punching with a syllabus that included things like how to obliterate your opponent in four easy steps and ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy ... More >>

LeBron James Has Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA Behold His Works and Despair

While the Miami Heat has won 110-87 and taken a 1-0 series lead over the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, it's pretty safe to say this one was over before it began. Not just the game. The whole damned series. This Heat team and, more to the point, LeBron James, are not ju ... More >>

Chris Bosh, Miami Heat Take Down San Antonio Spurs Without LeBron James and Dwyane Wade

Prior to Sunday's big-time-holy-crap-it's-maybe-a-possible-NBA-Finals-preview game against the mighty San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat Head Coach Erik Spoelstra announced that the team would be without LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Mario Chalmers. All three were apparently dinged up and in need of re ... More >>

Minnesota Timberwolves "Harlem Shake" Video Inspired by Butthurt

In case you weren't aware, the Miami Heat went into a cold, miserable, decrepit city whose sole claim to fame is that they have a giant mall (nice job, you guys!) on Monday night and completely blew up the Minnesota Timberwolves' collective assholes into oblivion by a score of 97-81. See also: -Mia ... More >>

Miami Heat Start Second Half of Season With Takedown of Hawks

There's always concern when a team on a hot streak gets assaulted by the NBA All-Star game and everyone's gotta stop playing so the media can make a big deal out of Kobe Bryant's blocking LeBron James' shot in the most meaningless game of the year. And that concern was not immediately alleviated wh ... More >>

Prediction: OKC Will Beat Heat in Thursday NBA Finals Rematch

Valentine's Day this year won't be about love or roses. Thursday is likely to be about Heat fans -- and LeBron James -- crashing back to Earth.That's the day we take on Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder in the belly of the beast. Last night, the hot hot Heat came back strong at the end of th ... More >>

Chris Bosh's New Commercial Is Rather Hilarious

Chris Bosh is a beloved figure 'round these parts. He's a half-man, half-dinosaur, he has a silky smooth jumpshot, and he's the greatest photobomber in the history of the NBA. Now he's looking to endear himself with us even more with his latest commercial (costarring Ray Allen!), in which he wrangl ... More >>

Heat Fall to the Lowly Washington Wizards, 105-101

This is what happens when the Heat players look like they left all their fucks in their other jeans and those jeans are in the wash. A 105-101 loss to the Washington Wizards, the worst team in all of professional sports: That's what happens. It's nothing new. The Heaters have been lollygagging the ... More >>

Miami Heat Get Their Rings, Take Down Celtics

The Miami Heat kicked off the 2012-12 season last night by first getting their championship rings, and then by sticking a foot into the Celtics' assholes. 'Twas a glorious night indeed. And while traditionally ring ceremony games have been a snoozer, mainly because the team getting their rings we ... More >>

David Stern Called Hurricane Sandy "Katrina" Last Night Before Heat Game

Lost in the hoopla that was the amazeballs that was the Miami Heat championship ring and banner pregame ceremony was NBA Commissioner David Stern taking a moment to remember the victims of the recent storm that hit the North Atlantic by calling it Hurricane Katrina. "Before we begin, I know that ev ... More >>

The Cocky Heat Fan's Guide to Why the Miami Heat Will Repeat as NBA Champions

The NBA season kicks off tonight when the Miami Heat hosts the Boston Celtics. But before that, the Heat players will be receiving their championship rings and unveiling their 2011-12 NBA Finals Champions big-ass banner that will hang in the rafters at the American Airlines Arena like a giant pair o ... More >>

NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Beat the Lakers in the Finals

NBA.com took their annual general manager survey recently and, according to the consensus, the Miami Heat will repeat as NBA champions, this time beating the L.A. Lakers. The thirty GMs of the NBA were asked 57 questions with topics ranging from who will win the MVP, to best off-season moves, to be ... More >>

Top 10 Miami Heat Haters in the Media

The Miami Heat will begin their NBA title defense next week. It's been a harrowing journey since the Big Three came together in the Summer of 2010. The whole world watched and hated and delighted when they failed to beat the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. Then they were forced to eat it hard w ... More >>

Heat, Snuffed

The Guys from the Gah-den

Luck of Hungover Irish Gives Celtics Edge Over D-Wade-less Heat

This guy scored as many points as Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen combined last night. Yesterday afternoon, as Bostonians eased out of whiskey-induced hibernation (doctors call it "alcohol poisoning") in a blanket of their own green vomit, they got a piece of good news: Police deci ... More >>

House Has Found a Home

Former Heat guard hopes to one-up his old team yet again.

Garnett in Green

K-Dur?

Zo Knows

Charity basketball is in Mourning

Game Theory