Subject:

Ray Allen

  • Blogs

    March 13, 2014

    Florida Medical Marijuana's Biggest Opponents and Threats

    Florida seems to be well on its way to getting medical marijuana legalized. Voters this November are going to be able to decide on their own whether weed should be made legal for folks with debilitating diseases, and a bill that would decriminalize the use of a strain of medical marijuana for kids w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2014

    Barack Obama Welcomes Miami Heat to the White House For Second Consecutive Year

    President Barack Obama welcomed your NBA champion Miami Heat to the White House Tuesday afternoon, reliving the glory that was the 2012-13 season, Ray Allen's Game 6 shot, and poking fun at Mario Chalmers. Obama, who is known for being a big basketball fan, and has hosted LeBron James and Dwyane Wa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2013

    Miami Heat to Wear Nicknames on Their Jerseys This Season

    Could we see LeBron James wearing "COBRADICK" on the back of his jersey this season? Probably no! But, "KING JAMES" is a real possibility. The NBA is reportedly considering allowing the Miami Heat and the Brooklyn Nets to wear player nickname uniforms in at least one of their head-to-head matchup ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 10, 2013

    Miami Heat Re-Sign Birdman to One-Year Deal

    When the Miami Heat signed Chris Andersen his past January, your friendly neighborhood Pulpist called the acquisition a "low-risk, high reward for a team desperately in need of a high-energy-crash-the-boards-at all-costs kind of a player." NAILED IT. And now, the Birdman will be returning, as the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 4, 2013

    Top Six South Floridians Who Make Us Proud to Be American on the Fourth of July! (With GIFs)

    It's the Fourth of July! It's a day to BBQ, throw down some cold ones, and enjoy the one day off before having to go back to work and then get the weekend off again. So what the hell are you doing on the internet? Oh well. Since we're here, we might as well make the most of it. And by that, we m ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2013

    Chris Bosh Nearly Choked on a Piece of Confetti Last Night

    So there was Chris Bosh, sitting on the stage, championship lid on his head, soaking in the amazeballs feeling it is to be a two-time NBA Champion, when it was all almost undone by a single piece of falling confetti. See also: Chris Bosh's Greatest GIFs And, even as we celebrate his awesome goofin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 20, 2013

    Erik Spoelstra Needs to Play Dwyane Wade Less Tonight

    Here we are. Game 7 has arrived, and all the happy good fun times of that crazy Game 6 victory have turned back to angst-ridden nervousness. We'd be having a lot more fun with this if our balls weren't in our assholes right now. Still, it's here, and we need to buck up and get prepped. And as Hea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 19, 2013

    Miami Heat Storms Back Against Spurs in Epic Game 6 Comeback

    Seven seconds. The Miami Heat was seven seconds away from losing its NBA crown and watching the San Antonio Spurs celebrate a championship on its home court. Heat fans were seven seconds away from having their hearts ripped out of their chests and their souls condemned to a weary and sullen existe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2013

    Heat Get Torched by Spurs Again, Are One Loss Away From Elimination

    Just as it was in Game 3 of these roller coaster NBA Finals, the San Antonio Spurs caught fire in Game 5, and torched the Miami Heat with a 60 percent shooting performance that has the world champs at the brink of total destruction. The series switches back to Miami (finally!), and the Heat will n ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 10, 2013

    LeBron James Obliterates Tiago Splitter With a Devastating Block, Leads Heat to 1-1 Series Tie

    With the Heat facing the prospect of having to travel to San Antonio down 0-2 in their best-of-seven NBA Finals series, Miami found itself in its most must-win game of the season on Sunday night. The Spurs had come off a gut-punching victory over Miami in Game 1, highlighted by a Tony Parker's circ ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 4, 2013

    Miami Heat Wrecks the Pacers in Game 7, Heads for the NBA Finals for Third Straight Year

    Your Miami Heat is headed to its third-straight NBA Finals after vanquishing the Indiana Pacers in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, 99-76. While Indiana gave Miami all it could handle in this series, it was the Heat's stifling defense coupled with the world-devouring awesomeness of LeBron J ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 29, 2013

    Miami Heat Drop Game 4 to Pacers As Series Heads Back to Miami 2-2

    Thanks mostly to the Heat's role players shooting the basketball like it was a bag of piss, some putrid rebounding, strong play from the Pacers' Roy Hibbert, and a crapload of atrocious officiating from the referees, your 2013 Eastern Conference Finals is all knotted up at 2-2. After cracking the P ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 7, 2013

    Miami Heat Chokes Away Game One Against Bulls

    Well now. That was a bit rough. A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim Noah sw ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2013

    Miami Sweeps Bucks as Udonis Haslem Inexplicably Finds His Jumper

    The Miami Heat was able to wrap up target practice with the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday night by winning 88-77, giving the team its first-ever playoff sweep. The Bucks received a lesson in asshole-punching with a syllabus that included things like how to obliterate your opponent in four easy steps and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 24, 2013

    Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

    The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2013

    LeBron James Has Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA Behold His Works and Despair

    While the Miami Heat has won 110-87 and taken a 1-0 series lead over the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, it's pretty safe to say this one was over before it began. Not just the game. The whole damned series. This Heat team and, more to the point, LeBron James, are not ju ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2013

    Chris Bosh, Miami Heat Take Down San Antonio Spurs Without LeBron James and Dwyane Wade

    Prior to Sunday's big-time-holy-crap-it's-maybe-a-possible-NBA-Finals-preview game against the mighty San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat Head Coach Erik Spoelstra announced that the team would be without LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Mario Chalmers. All three were apparently dinged up and in need of re ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2013

    Minnesota Timberwolves "Harlem Shake" Video Inspired by Butthurt

    In case you weren't aware, the Miami Heat went into a cold, miserable, decrepit city whose sole claim to fame is that they have a giant mall (nice job, you guys!) on Monday night and completely blew up the Minnesota Timberwolves' collective assholes into oblivion by a score of 97-81. See also: -Mia ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 21, 2013

    Miami Heat Start Second Half of Season With Takedown of Hawks

    There's always concern when a team on a hot streak gets assaulted by the NBA All-Star game and everyone's gotta stop playing so the media can make a big deal out of Kobe Bryant's blocking LeBron James' shot in the most meaningless game of the year. And that concern was not immediately alleviated wh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 13, 2013

    Prediction: OKC Will Beat Heat in Thursday NBA Finals Rematch

    Valentine's Day this year won't be about love or roses. Thursday is likely to be about Heat fans -- and LeBron James -- crashing back to Earth.That's the day we take on Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder in the belly of the beast. Last night, the hot hot Heat came back strong at the end of th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 1, 2013

    Chris Bosh's New Commercial Is Rather Hilarious

    Chris Bosh is a beloved figure 'round these parts. He's a half-man, half-dinosaur, he has a silky smooth jumpshot, and he's the greatest photobomber in the history of the NBA. Now he's looking to endear himself with us even more with his latest commercial (costarring Ray Allen!), in which he wrangl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 5, 2012

    Heat Fall to the Lowly Washington Wizards, 105-101

    This is what happens when the Heat players look like they left all their fucks in their other jeans and those jeans are in the wash. A 105-101 loss to the Washington Wizards, the worst team in all of professional sports: That's what happens. It's nothing new. The Heaters have been lollygagging the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 31, 2012

    Miami Heat Get Their Rings, Take Down Celtics

    The Miami Heat kicked off the 2012-12 season last night by first getting their championship rings, and then by sticking a foot into the Celtics' assholes. 'Twas a glorious night indeed. And while traditionally ring ceremony games have been a snoozer, mainly because the team getting their rings we ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 31, 2012

    David Stern Called Hurricane Sandy "Katrina" Last Night Before Heat Game

    Lost in the hoopla that was the amazeballs that was the Miami Heat championship ring and banner pregame ceremony was NBA Commissioner David Stern taking a moment to remember the victims of the recent storm that hit the North Atlantic by calling it Hurricane Katrina. "Before we begin, I know that ev ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 30, 2012

    The Cocky Heat Fan's Guide to Why the Miami Heat Will Repeat as NBA Champions

    The NBA season kicks off tonight when the Miami Heat hosts the Boston Celtics. But before that, the Heat players will be receiving their championship rings and unveiling their 2011-12 NBA Finals Champions big-ass banner that will hang in the rafters at the American Airlines Arena like a giant pair o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 22, 2012

    NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Beat the Lakers in the Finals

    NBA.com took their annual general manager survey recently and, according to the consensus, the Miami Heat will repeat as NBA champions, this time beating the L.A. Lakers. The thirty GMs of the NBA were asked 57 questions with topics ranging from who will win the MVP, to best off-season moves, to be ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 19, 2012

    Top 10 Miami Heat Haters in the Media

    The Miami Heat will begin their NBA title defense next week. It's been a harrowing journey since the Big Three came together in the Summer of 2010. The whole world watched and hated and delighted when they failed to beat the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. Then they were forced to eat it hard w ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 21, 2010
  • Calendar

    November 26, 2009
  • Blogs

    March 19, 2009

    Luck of Hungover Irish Gives Celtics Edge Over D-Wade-less Heat

    This guy scored as many points as Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen combined last night. Yesterday afternoon, as Bostonians eased out of whiskey-induced hibernation (doctors call it "alcohol poisoning") in a blanket of their own green vomit, they got a piece of good news: Police deci ... More >>

  • Calendar

    March 5, 2009

    House Has Found a Home

    Former Heat guard hopes to one-up his old team yet again.

  • Calendar

    November 29, 2007
  • Calendar

    November 8, 2007
  • Calendar

    July 10, 2003

    Zo Knows

    Charity basketball is in Mourning

  • Film

    May 7, 1998
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