Riki Altman

Top 5 Last-Minute Valentine's Day Plans for Singletons

Photo by Riki AltmanWe've got some last-minute ideas to get singles juiced up about the holiday.​If you thought you'd be spending the evening with a DVD, a protein drink of some sort, and your cat, Fluffy, we've got some better ideas for you.Sugar rush: Hit some area restaurants after the dinner r ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Chilli [Sic] Lemon VIP Nuts

Photo by Riki AltmanHow'd you squeeze all those tan nuts into that bag?OK, so we're suckers for flashy packaging. That's why we set aside this bag of New York Delhi chilli [sic] lemon-flavored "VIP" nuts when we got them in a gift basket over Christmas. And we nearly forgot about them until the silv ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Officer's Pork Loaf

Photo by Riki AltmanIt sure doesn't look like a pig...​The can with the camouflage wrapper announcing "Army Brand Officer's Pork Loaf" sat in our cupboard for what must've been at least four months. But we just couldn't bring ourselves to crack it open.We never read the ingredients. Just the words ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Chocolate Sapote

Photo by Riki AltmanJust because it looks like poo...​Yes, we know what it looks like. And, yes, we ate it, anyhow. Fortunately it didn't taste like that. Not even close. Yet the experience of devouring this strange fruit was something akin to losing our virginity.

I'm Eating What?! Halva, Food of the Gods

Photo by Riki AltmanThis isn't nearly as tough as granite.​We mistakenly thought everyone knew about halva, the sesame-based treat found in nearly every deli and Middle Eastern market. But when one of our friends spotted this plastic container in our pantry and exclaimed, "What the heck is that?" ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Goat Milk Caramels

Photo by Riki AltmanNo one's gonna bleat for these.​We're not ones to typically look a gift horse in the mouth--nor a gift goat, for that matter--but when we discovered the box someone dropped off as an early Christmas present comprised mammal milk-enhanced treats without any cow juice, we were le ... More >>

I'm Drinking What? Elf Piss

Photo by Riki AltmanFrom the North Pole with love​OK, it's really not elfin pee. It's tarragon soda. But we were swelled up with Christmas spirit and this drink we found at the Russian market was just so damn green that we couldn't pass it up. 'Tis the season for pine-colored items, right? It ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Ramune Drink

The only thing better than a glass bottle of supersweet soda is a glass bottle of supersweet Photo by Riki AltmanBefore (left) and after. Now where did that marble come from?​soda that doubles as a toy. Ups to our buddy Jonathan for making us aware of Ramune Drink, a fun Japanese product and ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Schav

Photo by Riki AltmanIs it St. Patty's Day yet? Nope? Then why are we sucking down leprechaun juice?​As promised in the last blog, we tackled schav, a sorrel soup popular with Eastern ​Europeans, in the interest of science. Plus we had heard the stuff is enjoyed by Jewish folks and, it being ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Sugarcoated Chickpeas

Photo by Riki AltmanMore sperm, quick blood, sugar, and protein. Truly a complete snack.​We were going to treat y'all to a steaming bowl of schav this week, but alas, we spent all kinds of time heating the stuff only to later discover it is supposed to be served chilled. Uh, yeah. So I guess we'll ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Kwas Chelbowy

Photo by Riki AltmanThis beverage is blonde approved.​Before we had the chance to try and explain what we thought was inside the bottle, our beautiful blonde buddy had already popped the top, sucked some of the contents down, and exclaimed, "Oooh! What an interesting flavor! What kind of soda is t ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Pickled Apple

Photo by Riki AltmanWhat is this creature lurking in our fridge?​We've been dreading this day since we first laid eyes on the anemic-looking apple with the indescribable color, swimming in a bucket of pickling juice at the Russian food market. We were never fans of bobbing for apples as kids -- es ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Adjika

Photo by Riki AltmanWhat are those Russians hiding?​Continuing on with our theme of Russian foods we don't recognize but are willing to try for the sake of science, we dug into a jar of what we later discovered was adjika, something that looked like it belonged between the categories of "dip" and ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Cultured Horse and Camel Milk Drinks

Photo by Riki AltmanWe'll stick with the cow juice, thanks.​This is a first, and it's not something to be proud of, but I have to be honest: I didn't actually ingest this week's "I'm Eating What?!?" products. Yes, the whole aim of this column is to chomp down on unusual things, swallow, research a ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Crème de Canistel Ice Cream

Photo by Riki AltmanFruit nog?​We got suckered in when we saw the rep at Whole Foods offering samples of her Gaby's Farm ice creams and sorbets. Always aiming to help local farmers, we thought the least we could do was shell out the $6-plus bucks for a pint of her product."But which should we try? ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Tactical Bacon (Bacon in a Can)

Photo by Riki AltmanA true warrior's breakfast.​We visited the firing range last week to unleash some aggressions on a poor, unsuspecting Blue Man Group member's silhouette (check out the photos and you'll see what we mean) when a can of Tactical Bacon caught our goggle-covered eyes.Thrown by the ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Nestle's Yorkie Bar

Photo by Riki AltmanThis bar's all bark and no bite.​This blog is going to be short for one reason and one reason only: Nestle's Yorkie bar is all talk and no action.The bright-blue, shiny label on this British treat not only announces the product is "NOT for girls!" but also goes so far as to sho ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Sizzlin' Bacon Sunflower Seeds

Photo by Riki AltmanHey! There's no pig in my seeds!​OK, now the bacon craze has just gone too, too far. We were down with the whole bacon-infused bourbon thing; we thought the maple-glazed doughnut with a bacon topper and deep-fried bacon munchies were fun novelties; and the whole bacon ice cream ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Sponge Coral (Not Really)

Riki Altman​Sometimes we're not the brightest stars in the sky. This fact became most painfully obvious when we returned from a recent press trip to Grand Cayman (we were dispatched to check out the second Michael's Genuine location, which, we're happy to report, was just as amazing as the origina ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Pomegranate- and Hibiscus-Flavored Fresh Ginger Ginger Ale by Bruce Cost

On a recent road trip to the Big Apple, we went in search of a refreshing beverage to cool our Photo by Riki AltmanA drink so nice they named it twice.​innards, those same innards that were burnt to a crisp compliments of the thick heat seeming to come up from the sidewalk and down from the s ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! New Pretzel M&Ms

Photo by Riki AltmanPromise these won't put knots in your tummy.​They're a little salty, a little sweet, very crunchy, and just the right size. Yep, the new pretzel M&Ms are winners in our book.Despite the cute illustration of the orange M&M holding an x-ray showing he has a pretzel twist ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Orange Blossom Water

Riki AltmanBetter to drip than sip.​When the cashier at the Middle Eastern market said he uses Cortas orange blossom water in his tea and he occasionally adds some of the stuff into vanilla ice cream, the first thought that came to mind was, "Hmmm. How exotic yet versatile! Must give this a try."A ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Kinder Happy Hippo Biscuits

Riki AltmanHungry for a hippo?​Who can resist eating a hippo when hunger strikes? Fortunately Kinder found a way to stuff five individually wrapped Happy Hippo Biscuits into a box for our snacking enjoyment.The "cocoa cream" version looked the most appealing, but the cashier recommended that I cho ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Baba Ghanouj

Photo by Riki AltmanCanned stuff too seedy for ya?​Perhaps you've already heard of this stuff and possibly even tried it once or twice. But have you ever tried it from a can? If so, humor us. If not, open up your minds and your mouths, masters and mistresses, for you may find this seasoned eggplan ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Turkish Delight

Photo by Riki AltmanSome are delightful. Some, not so much.​Ah, sugar. It comes in oh, so many delightful forms. But when the words "Turkish Delight" were spotted on a box in the Middle Eastern market, it admittedly led to some concern. Would these really be delightful? And what's with this rose f ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Falafel-Flavored Bissli

Photo by Riki AltmanThe perfect snack for curly redheads and nerds.​Continuing my eating adventures with the theme of "funky Middle Eastern foods," I came across another curious find: Osem's Falafel Flavor Bissli. I examined the packaging on this "party snack" and wondered who it was meant to attr ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Eigene Herstellung (AKA Star Cookies)

Photo by Riki AltmanLittle stars, how I wonder what you are...​Hmmm. The bag had only two words on it: eigene herstellung. And no ingredients, no expiration date, and no nutritional information. Was it worth trying?It was pretty obvious to the human eye that these were innocent little sugar-topped ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Pasteurized Processed Cheese Spread

Photo by Riki AltmanTastee Cheese? Uh, not for some of us.​Thanks to a hairstylist-in-training Crystal Amos from Aveda Institute in Davie (who not only does a wicked blowout but also happens to be the daughter of the Jamaica House Restaurant owners), I found that the pasteurized processed cheese s ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Stir-Fried Shredded Marlin Fish Floss

Photo by Riki AltmanYep, it looks as strange as it tastes.Not to be confused with FlossFish nor the dental floss fish (AKA Hawaiian cleaner wrasse), stir-fried shredded marlin fish floss is supposedly something used in Asian cooking, though we've never seen it on any local menus. It can be found in ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Seaweed & Salt Potato Chips

Photo by Riki AltmanLittle flecks of green goodness​Potato chips aren't really a hard sell. Sure, some like ridges, some like baked versus fried, and some prefer original instead of the flavored varieties, but Calbee's seaweed and salt flavored potato chips could be the next big thing. Really!

I'm Eating What?! Fruchtkrone Sanddorn

Photo by Riki AltmanSea buckthorn ain't so bad surrounded in sugar.​Seems it's that time of year again when everybody is coming down with a bug of some sort, flu, cold, what-have-you, so testing out hard candies "mit Vitamin C" seemed a timely, welcome task. Well, at least it was easy to assume th ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Raisin and Cinnamon Mochi

Photos by Riki Altman​Haven't met Mochi yet? Well, it's probably time you did, since this Asian item seems to be quickly making its way into the vernacular of foodies around the States. It has shown up on dessert menus, stuffed with ice cream, at various sushi and Thai restos around town and was e ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Jamaican Country Style Corned Beef in a Can From Brazil

Riki Altman​Let's start this one off with the label's conundrum. First we've got corned beef "with juices" from a brand called Jamaican Country Style. Do Jamaican country folk eat this stuff? Anyone? Bueller? And it's labeled "Product of Brazil." Hmmm. Do Jamaican country folk living in Brazil eat ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Roasted Eel in a Can

Photo by Riki AltmanWaiter, is that a spine in my can?​Eel doesn't really look like any other fishy-type thing served at a sushi restaurant. But having it delivered warm and covered in that sweet eel sauce atop a dragon roll is quite different from attempting to eat it from a can. The packaging lo ... More >>

Troubling Decisionmaking at Little Moir's Food Shack

Photos by Riki Altman​My best girlfriend and I have always had a long-distance relationship. She lives in the same state, but somehow we always end up at least five counties away. Now she's up in Volusia, but we make excuses to see each other regularly. This time, I had to pick up a new car in Pal ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Grass Jelly Drink

Photos by Riki Altman​If there's one food trend that never seemed to gather much steam in America, it's the chew-while-you-drink deal. I can't say this really surprises me, though I was one of the first (and still remaining) huge fans of bubble tea. So it was with only slight trepidation that I th ... More >>

There's No Cutting Back at Jason's Deli

Photo by Riki Altman​It really sucks to have to scrimp and save. Let's face it -- the economy has made all of us cut back on our regular indulgences, and at least what I'm finding is that even when we don't aim to get less, we do anyhow. The same dishes I'm used to ordering now don't come with any ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Coconut Crisp Balls

Photos by Riki Altman​Most of the time, I love this gig. But damn -- not so much today. I just bit into a "coconut crisp ball" made in Malaysia, and I'm still cringing. It's not that the little thing tasted badly. Actually, it didn't have much taste at all. But it's this film it left in my mouth, ... More >>

Hookin' Up at Yard House in Palm Beach Gardens

Photo by Flickr user DogbiteWhere there are a hundred beers on tap, there are men.​Back when I was on the prowl, and even now that I'm fully entrenched in coupledom, I often get asked where the boys are. Meaning, where should a great gal go to find some available, fresh male meat? The truth is, I ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Wakabato Kani Chips

Photo by Riki Altman​Some people see a bag of pink chips with Japanese characters and illustrations reminiscent of either Red Fraggle or someone's head being molested by a crab and pretend like it doesn't even exist. Me, I grab the pouch and count the minutes until I can tear it open, eager ... More >>

I'm Eating What?! Dried Plums from an Asian Market

Photo by Riki Altman​Some people may be addicted to drugs, some to gambling, but I'm pretty sure there's no 12-step program to rid me of my addiction to dried sweet plums from Chinese markets. My first introduction to these tasty tidbits occurred years ago, innocently enough, when I interview ... More >>

Drunken Bliss at Cantina Laredo

Riki Altman​Why we just had to get away during one of the busiest travel times of the year is anyone's guess, but somehow taking a road trip over Christmas seemed logical when we booked the hotel room in Orlando a few months ago. Granted, it was a fun getaway for a while, excepting the outlet mall ... More >>

True Love Bites at Gran Forno, but Can He Pass the Picky Eater Test?

Hang on to your sporks, folks; I think I've met "the one" -- the mac to my cheese, the bangers to my mash, the nilla to my wafer. After decades of dating countless guys, some of whom possessed nothing more enticing than a penis and an appetite, I was just about to consider either joining a nunn ... More >>

Pairings, Celeb Chefs, and More Upcoming Events

Jane, stop this crazy thing!​Earlier in the week, Riki Altman cooked up beef tenderloin medalions from the new Morton's The Cookbook: 100 Steahkhouse Recipes for Every Kitchen. You sampled the recipe, now you can head to Morton's in Coral Gables on September 23 for a signing by author Tyler Fields ... More >>

A Jew and a Muslim Get Spicy at the Whole Foods Lifestyle Center Cooking Class

Photos by Riki Altman​Traditional dinner dates started to get as boring to me as reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, so I suggested that my Saturday-night matchup and I try something different. Hmmm, maybe a cooking class would be fun, I thought. Seemed a win-win to me; If he's a dud, at least I'll ... More >>

Gift of Gab

Pour Some Pewter on Me!

Letters for February 3-9, 2005

Stagebeat

Capsule reviews of current area stage shows.

In Search of the Elusive Boba