Udonis Haslem

  • Blogs

    January 28, 2014

    Watch LeBron James Sing "Back That Azz Up"

    Miami Heat forward Shane Battier hosted the third annual South Beach Battioke event Monday night, where Heat players are given the opportunity to grab a mic and sing karaoke as loudly and poorly as they want. The event, which was held at the Fillmore Theater in Miami Beach, and raised money for The ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 29, 2013

    Miami Heat Players Fell Asleep After Their Thanksgiving Dinner

    With the Miami Heat having to play a game in Cleveland on Wednesday (really, NBA? Send the two-time champion on the road during Thanksgiving to Cleveland?), LeBron James hosted the team for Thanksgiving dinner Thursday at his Akron mansion. And, as it is with this team, once dinner was over, the cr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2013

    Miami Heat to Wear Nicknames on Their Jerseys This Season

    Could we see LeBron James wearing "COBRADICK" on the back of his jersey this season? Probably no! But, "KING JAMES" is a real possibility. The NBA is reportedly considering allowing the Miami Heat and the Brooklyn Nets to wear player nickname uniforms in at least one of their head-to-head matchup ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 17, 2013

    Steve Kerr Says the Heat Won't Three-Peat in 2014

    In probably what is the least shocking news in the history of everything, former Chicago Bull and current TNT NBA analyst Steve Kerr says that the Miami Heat will fall short of a three-peat in 2014. In fact, he goes on to say that not only will the Heat not three-peat but that it'll not even make i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 5, 2013

    Udonis Haslem Surprisingly Candid About His Wife's Abortion

    In case you haven't heard, the Miami Heat's Udonis Haslem recently tied the knot with his college sweetheart, Faith Rein. The New York Times released a heartfelt wedding announcement on the couple, chronicling their relationship from when before Udonis made it to the big time and became the Ministe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 2, 2013

    Greg Oden to Sign with the Heat

    Greg Oden will sign with the Miami Heat. Oden, the former first-overall pick of the 2007 NBA Draft, has agreed to a two-year deal with Miami worth the veteran's minimum, with an opt-out next Summer, according to ESPN. Oden, who has had what was a promising career derailed by knee injuries, was dec ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 24, 2013

    Miami Heat Championship Parade Almost Killed LeBron James

    When the Miami Heat clinched the NBA title last Thursday, we almost lost Chris Bosh to a stray piece of confetti that threatened to get lodged in his throat. Then, on Monday, during the team's championship parade through the streets of Miami, LeBron James was almost decapitated a few times by bridg ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2013

    Heat Get Torched by Spurs Again, Are One Loss Away From Elimination

    Just as it was in Game 3 of these roller coaster NBA Finals, the San Antonio Spurs caught fire in Game 5, and torched the Miami Heat with a 60 percent shooting performance that has the world champs at the brink of total destruction. The series switches back to Miami (finally!), and the Heat will n ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 31, 2013

    LeBron James Scorches Pacers as Heat Takes Game 5

    After dropping Game 4 to the Indiana Pacers on Tuesday, the Heat found itself in a 2-2 tie in an Eastern Conference Finals that seemed to suffocate the life out of the world champs.Although the series was knotted up, it felt like Indiana was having its way with Miami, man-handling the Heat players a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 2, 2013

    Udonis Haslem's Broward Home Burglarized

    People won't stop breaking into the homes of Miami Heat players to steal stuff. Udonis Haslem's Southwest Ranches home was broken into by would-be burglars, the Broward Sheriff's Office says. See also: - Chris Bosh Burglar Left Heat Championship Ring This just days after someone broke into Chris B ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2013

    Miami Sweeps Bucks as Udonis Haslem Inexplicably Finds His Jumper

    The Miami Heat was able to wrap up target practice with the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday night by winning 88-77, giving the team its first-ever playoff sweep. The Bucks received a lesson in asshole-punching with a syllabus that included things like how to obliterate your opponent in four easy steps and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 24, 2013

    Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

    The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2013

    Chris Bosh, Miami Heat Take Down San Antonio Spurs Without LeBron James and Dwyane Wade

    Prior to Sunday's big-time-holy-crap-it's-maybe-a-possible-NBA-Finals-preview game against the mighty San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat Head Coach Erik Spoelstra announced that the team would be without LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Mario Chalmers. All three were apparently dinged up and in need of re ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 8, 2013

    Miami Heat Workout Chris "Birdman" Andersen

    In case you haven't noticed, as kickass as the Miami Heat has been this season (23-9 so far), they've been refried ass when it comes to rebounding. The World Champs rank among the worst in the league in rebounding.  To fix this, team President Pat Riley worked out former Denver Nugget and cur ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 5, 2012

    Heat Fall to the Lowly Washington Wizards, 105-101

    This is what happens when the Heat players look like they left all their fucks in their other jeans and those jeans are in the wash. A 105-101 loss to the Washington Wizards, the worst team in all of professional sports: That's what happens. It's nothing new. The Heaters have been lollygagging the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 30, 2012

    The Cocky Heat Fan's Guide to Why the Miami Heat Will Repeat as NBA Champions

    The NBA season kicks off tonight when the Miami Heat hosts the Boston Celtics. But before that, the Heat players will be receiving their championship rings and unveiling their 2011-12 NBA Finals Champions big-ass banner that will hang in the rafters at the American Airlines Arena like a giant pair o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 17, 2012

    Mug-Shot Friday: Googly-Eyes, Fart Face, and Udonis Haslem Impersonators

    Welcome to this week's post of the Broward-Palm Beach edition of Mug-Shot Friday, a longstanding franchise focusing on the week's most eye-catching mug shots from South Florida's tat heads, tough guys, and femmes fatale. Check out Miami New Times' Riptide blog for the Miami-Dade edition.

  • Blogs

    March 19, 2012

    Insane Tattoos Depicting the State of Florida: From NBA Stars to Criminals (Images)

    Let's face it: Floridians aren't exactly oozing with state pride. The intensity of our sports fans is mild at best when compared with a bottle-wielding Boston fan or face-pummeling fatso from Philadelphia. We don't brag about our oranges like New Yorkers brag about their pizza or bagels or ever ... More >>

  • News

    January 19, 2012
  • Blogs

    December 9, 2011

    Miami Heat Star Udonis Haslem Opposes Southwest Ranches ICE Detention Facility

    WikipediaUdonis Haslem​Udonis Haslem, a power forward for the Miami Heat who bought a $3.2 million home in Southwest Ranches in 2007, has come forward in opposition to a planned detention facility that would place at least 1,400 incarcerated immigrants near his home, according to local activists.H ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2011

    Udonis Haslem at Juiceblendz Grand Opening Saturday

    Miami Heat Udonis Haslem will sign your Smoothie on Saturday.​Juiceblendz in Weston is having a grand opening celebration this Saturday, June 25, with a special appearance by Miami Heat forward Udonis Haslem. Haslem will sign autographs from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. with a Smoothie purchase ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 9, 2010
  • Calendar

    December 2, 2010
  • Calendar

    April 8, 2010
  • News

    March 11, 2010
  • Calendar

    January 14, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 23, 2009

    Morning Juice: Community Shocked by Predictable Youth Minister Plotline; Gay Adoption Case on Collision Course With Supreme Court

    ​It's Thanksgiving week. Let's check the headlines:Take a wild guess why a "youth minister" is in the news. (It's the only reason they're ever in the news.) [Sun-Sentinel]As classmates mourn the deaths of the three Coral Springs teens killed last weekend after their car plunged into the canal, pol ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 31, 2009

    5 Secret Wishes Pat Riley Has For This Heat Season

    flickr.comCoach Slick making a wish list, checking it twice.​The Heat season is officially upon us again, and judging by the very small sample size thus far, Miami will go 82-0 and Dwyane Wade will finally secure the MV3. Most experts have them finishing fourth or fifth in the division and either ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2009

    D-Wade "Belly Flopped" in Heat Loss

    Not Dwyane Wade "He belly flopped and falled down and lost the ball. And then he complained too much." The sweet, simple words of an adorable girl. I couldn't have described the end of last night's Heat overtime loss to New Orleans any better. Well, yeah, I could have. (I type pretty some ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 23, 2009

    Wade, Heat Shut Down Detroit

    I don't want to pile on the poor city of Detroit. That place has fallen on Dustbowl-esque hard times as of late. Half the population vacated the city, and the average cost of a home is now $18,000. President Obama mentioned Detroit in the litany of choices he has to make between "bad and worse" ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 10, 2009

    We Love You Dwyane

    ... Charles Trainor Jr./Miami Herald even when you don't hit the big shot... For his latest piece of history, he gets a historically bad lede from the Sun-Sentinel: MIAMI - Let's see, Jermaine O'Neal wasn't rebounding.Daequan Cook wasn't hitting.And Udonis Haslem remains a shell of him ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 22, 2009

    Blown Call

    The Heat host the bottom-dweller Clippers

  • News

    September 4, 2008

    The Horror

    Blood on Fort Lauderdale Beach

  • News

    July 10, 2008


    A half-kilo of blow, machine-gun blasts, and a millionaire chiropractor. Does this make sense?

  • Calendar

    November 1, 2007


    Your 2007-08 Heat: Winless when it doesn’t count

  • Blogs

    December 15, 2006
  • Blogs

    December 14, 2006
  • Calendar

    April 13, 2006
  • Calendar

    November 3, 2005

    Slam Dance

    It's getting hot in heeerrre

  • Sports and Recreation

    May 12, 2005

    Best Coach

    Stan Van Gundy

  • Calendar

    October 2, 2003

    Slow Burn

    The Heat prepares to play it fast and loose