Ditching Vegetarianism? Five Meaty Ways to Sell Out

Ditching Vegetarianism? Five Meaty Ways to Sell Out
Photo: Misha Grosvenor

When I think back on my golden years in college, I remember all of the good times that I had with strangers friends. Days spent camping out for seats at basketball games, grossly misusing credit cards, and repeatedly surviving untreated alcohol poisoning are all fond memories. I was cool back then, really cool... OK, not that cool. I wore vintage clothes, listened to obscure bands, and, of course, I was vegetarian.

I ate free vegetarian lunch provided by the Hare Krishnas. I inhaled carbs like it was my job and tortured my family every holiday season. Life, like my ghee-saturated lunch, was good.

Over time, my new vegetarian diet turned me into a doughy, malnourished mess; mainly

because of poor food choices, poverty, and, admittedly, my own laziness.

Despite surviving mainly on Kraft macaroni and cheese, tofu dogs, and

Guinness, I managed to stick to a vegetarian diet for a nearly a decade

before returning to my current status as a shameless, bacon-loving meat


My return to the dark side came after being left alone in a room with an unattended box of Publix fried chicken. One tiny bite of tender white meat led to another, which quickly led to a disgraceful interlude involving myself and a plate of biscuits with sausage gravy. Needless to say, my days as a vegetarian were over.

Recently, on a car ride with some vegetarian friends, the subject of ditching vegetarianism  came up. One friend, Nate, expressed his desire to go on a massive, meat-eating spree this summer. Fortunately for Nate, he lives in New York  so his options for where to go are endless -- Peter Luger's Steakhouse, Katz's, and Burger Joint, to name just a few.

An important question was raised -- if someone wanted to go on a meat-eating spree in South Florida, where should they go?

Disclaimer for Vegetarians: Before you get your broccoli in a bunch, post lengthy comments extolling the virtues of vegetarianism, and or/cite statistics from Wikipedia, I'd like to state for the record that I am in no way suggesting that anyone ditch their vegetarian diet. In fact, I applaud anyone who can stick with it. Unfortunately, I am weak, easily persuaded, and have a regrettable penchant for fois gras.

That said, this a list that has been compiled in case any vegetarians out there (not you, of course) are flirting with the idea of eating meat again and/or have recently found themselves alone in a room with a box of fried chicken. 

5. Rock 'N' Roll Ribs -- Baby Back Ribs
Any meal that requires you to tote Shout wipes could possibly be good. Ribs that require you to tote Shout wipes and tolerate listening to Iron Maiden songs for the duration of your meal has got to be good.    

4. Betty's Soul Food Restaurant -- Meat Loaf
It doesn't get any meatier than a loaf of meat. Yes, one can make a decent veggie loaf, but
let's be honest: All of the quinoa loaves in the world will never hold candle to a slice of
meat loaf with macaroni and collard greens.

Ditching Vegetarianism? Five Meaty Ways to Sell Out
Photo: Misha Grosvenor

3. Che Grill Food Truck -- Gaucho Burger
Eating layers of meat is one of my favorite pastimes. The Gaucho Burger is a beef patty topped with ham, bacon, a fried egg, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Naturally, it had to be on the

sellout list. Since it's not on Che Grill's regular menu, if you happen

to catch the truck on a day when the Gaucho Burger is being served, consider it a sign.   

2. Dixie Pig BBQ -- Pulled Pork Sandwich
Truthfully, I've never met a pulled pork sandwich that I didn't like, but a pulled pork sandwich from Dixie Pig BBQ, slathered in its gold mustard sauce, will never be turned away from my dinner table.

Ditching Vegetarianism? Five Meaty Ways to Sell Out
Photo: Misha Grosvenor

  1. Publix Fried Chicken
Since Publix fried chicken was the key to my undoing, it should come as no surprise that it tops the list.

Veggies -- If you were to sell out, what restaurants or dishes would top your meaty wish list?
Carnies -- What restaurants or dishes would you recommend for vegetarians looking to sell  out?

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB

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