Four Reasons to Hate Girl Scouts
Innocent looking master manipulators
Monday, January 24, was the most depressing day of 2011, according to a story by MSN Health & Fitness. A British researcher blames post-holiday blues and debt, unusually harsh winter weather, and failed New Year's Resolutions for our dejected spirits.
Clean Plate Charlie suspects that the decline of our mental well being this year may be caused by the recent acts of little girls dressed in uniform - Girl Scouts. These innocent looking children just happen to also be master manipulators who successfully sell over 200 million boxes of cookies each year to unsuspecting locals who are trying to avoid spending hard-earned income on devil cookies.
After the jump, five South Floridians share their stories of why we should hate Girl Scouts.
Questionable Sales Tactics
Karen L. of Fort Lauderdale couldn't resist buying a box of Thin Mints after being won over by the cherub lure of a Girl Scout lurking in the lobby of her apartment building. She says: "One got me with her cute ray and I couldn't say no. The poor thing was brave enough to deal with the cheek-pinching-old-codgers in my building, so I'm sure she gets a badge or something for that alone! Now the boxes are sitting on the counter glaring at me. They won't live to see the weekend."
Jess Melamed also of Fort Lauderdale shares her story of being talked into purchasing from a family member: "I had to buy them because my little cousin is in it, so she gave me the 'pleeeeeeeeease pleaaase pleaaaase, be your best friend' speech so I got suckered into buying a shitload of Tagalongs that tend to tag-along on my ass for months afterward."
They Can't Break Your Twenty
A gentleman from Plantation (who requested to remain anonymous) told us that when he went to purchase a box of cookies at Lowes Home Improvement store near his home, he was told that the Scouts didn't have change for a $20 bill. "But I just saw you take singles and a five from that
other guy!" "Nope, no change!" he recalls the Scout stating. "I looked at her mom right after buying five boxes, and she shook her head indicating she's not responsible for her 'hustler' daughter.
The 'no change' scam has been going on for years," he says.
They Set Up Shop in Unavoidable Locales
Jackie from Fort Lauderdale
works a busy schedule often leaving little time for a proper lunch break. "I was too busy to leave work for lunch and I was starving. I saw the sign reading 'Girl Scout Cookies for Sale' and I couldn't resist, the temptation was too great," she says. Jackie elaborated that this particular Scout was brought to work by her mother, who set her sales shop inside a work cubicle. "I doubt it's okay to sell anything here and kids are not allowed to sleep under desks. It was a total cube operation." Jackie wasn't the only employee who had a sugar-laced lunch that day. Added temptation: the cookie salesgirl takes IOUs. "Now I'm in debt and with a sugar headache!" cries Jackie.
Save 50 cents when you buy a box outside city limits?
A source located outside of Fort Lauderdale (choosing to remain anonymous) swears she paid only $3.50 for her box of Thin Mints, whereas the rest of us are forking out four bucks per box. What is with the price gouging? Are the mini master manipulaters trying to rip-off naive city dwelling customers?
Just in case it's not totally obvious, this blog is intended to be tongue-in-cheek. Clean Plate Charlie doesn't condone hate towards children. We are aware that the Girl Scouts organization is a wonderful socialization group for little girls and promotes healthy development. Alright, alright, we will buy your cookies and overlook the master manipulations!!!
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