9. "It's the damnedest thing. I'm allergic to all animal proteins...Except cheddar. Feel free to pile that shit on there."
8. "I had open heart surgery earlier this week and my doctor has suggested I downgrade from six bacon-wrapped steaks a day to something like this spinach quiche here on the menu, minus the ham chunks."
7. When you see the server approaching to take your order, turn to someone else at your table and "casually" say just loud enough for them to hear; "It's strange. Every time I eat something meatfree in a restaurant I wind up tipping, like, 35% and I never realize 'til I get home that my math was off."
6. "My boyfriend bet me $500 bucks that I couldn't go one month without meat." (Bonus points if someone in your group sneaks in a subtle That's what she said.)
5. "For every dollar I save on not ordering meat in a restaurant this month, I'm donating two to save orphaned golden doodle puppies and injured baby otters."
4. "I'm just so jaded and heartbroken after the Taco Bell thing that I can't bring myself to love another seasoned beef."
3. "I'm paying penance for eating nothing but pork chops in 2010. Literally. Nothing but chops."
2. "It's not my fault. My hippie, bunny-hugging girlfriend made me watch a triple feature of 'Food Inc.', 'Fast Food Nation' and 'Super Size Me' last night."
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1. "I'll have a side salad, a roll, and your most expensive bottle of wine."