Office Food Thieves Beware the Anti-Theft Lunch Bag
The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag, perfect for fooling troglodyte food thieves.
Long-time readers of Short Order may remember that the New Times offices weren't always a safe and happy place. There was a time long ago when terror stalked our cubicles -- when unsuspecting men and women fell pray to evil. I'm talking, of course, about the Shrimp Bandit: a fishy thief who, when no eyes were looking, crept into our break room and lifted our lunches from the refrigerator in order to sate his own craven appetite. We never did catch the Shrimp Bandit, as you can see in this reconnaissance video capturing him in action. Now he lays dormant. But some say he will return.
If he does, well, we'll be ready. Office food theft is a big concern for a lot of people it seems, so intelligent minds have pooled their resources and come up with this deterrent: anti-theft lunch bags. These nifty lunch bags instantly turn any sandwich, snack, or treat into a moldy-looking mess. Just imagine an office food thief, schlepping his hunched-back over to the fridge for his latest meal, and finding only a ham-and-cheese sandwich that's carrying the bubonic plague. He'll think twice before eating that bad boy. Order some of these bags, available in packs of 25 here, and you'll never have to worry for your lunch again.
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