early but also all at once. The thought of visiting department stores more than one time during the insanity of the holiday season is enough to give me hives. But I actually got my ass out of bed early one morning last weekend, determined to knock it all out before dinnertime.
-bag-less overachiever self, and I started to morph into Super Cranky Bitch.
the hell?" I screamed at a rack of CDs. "How is it possible to have a
dozen copies of that little David Archuleta punk's Christmas CD and
none of the new Dave Matthews?" Probably realizing that the rack wasn't
about to defend itself and I was probably suffering from low blood
sugar, my lover politely suggested that we order Dave from Amazon and
grab something quick for dinner. But the thought of eating at the food
court yet again was less-than-appetizing, and my brain was so consumed
with thoughts of backorders and gift wrapping that I simply couldn't
think of a resto to suggest.
The place was getting pretty packed, but we commandeered our table for a good two hours, sharing delicate, crispy spring rolls filled with veggies and glass noodles and plates of sassy Mongolian chicken and tangy orange peel beef. When all that was left were ounces of dipping sauce and a few grains of rice, my guy got up and returned to the table with two wrapped fortune cookies in hand. I insisted, since he chose the cookies and assigned one to me, that he open his first. Inside, the little white rectangular paper read, "Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." We looked at each other quizzically; then he balled it up and tossed it in the duck sauce. Then I ripped open the crinkly plastic wrapper on mine and broke it open to reveal the fortune. I munched on a piece of the cookie as I handed the paper to him without first reviewing it.
"An unexpected relationship will become permanent," he read aloud. I blushed. He blushed. Then we both burst into a fit of giggles.
"Wow. I think that's the first time one of these crazy things actually makes sense," he said. Be still my beating heart.
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Freelance writer Riki Altman eats everything that won't try to eat her first (with exceptions, of course) and dates younger men, older men, and older men who act like young men, along with locals, tourists, illegal aliens, and just plain aliens. Love Bites is a compilation of what happens when her dining and dating ordeals collide. Sometimes, it just ain't pretty.