Publix Holiday Commercials to Make You Cry
By now, we've all seen this heartbreaking commercial from German supermarket Edeka. If you haven't, grab some tissues and maybe close your office door, because blubbering like a baby at work is awkward.
Nice try, Edeka. But we're Floridians. You think over-the-top heartrending nostalgia is your ally? You merely adopted it. We were born in it, molded by it. We grew up watching commercials from Publix, the grocery store that basically invented the yank-on-your-heartstrings, guilt-you-for-not-calling-Nana, did-a-grocery-store-commercial-seriously-just-make-me-freaking-cry-again? commercial. This is nothing to us!
(No, but seriously. Tissues, guys. Publix brand if you got 'em.)
As if the Florida sun weren't enough, Floridians have been optometrically dehydrating themselves for years with such minisagas as this one from 2008:
This one is technically not a holiday, but this dog is "on holiday" and having an awesome time too. It's aimed at dog lovers and is obviously also showing you all the places you can now find Publix stores (including Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, and Georgia, in case you didn't know), but that's easy to ignore if you ogle the adorable beagle:
Then there is this Valentine's Day/marriage proposal one that strains not only the boundaries of romantic credulity but also probably some child safety laws. How exactly did "Prince Charming" get access to those children to coordinate this in the first place? How is he even on an elementary-school campus?! Where is the security? Stranger danger!
Anyway, the adventures of the pilgrim couple salt and pepper shakers make for a much better romance. You own these. You know you do. You own them and maybe you make them kiss when you put them out on the table. (You've named them, haven't you?) If you say you don't, you are either a dirty, dirty liar or you need to turn in your Florida driver's license right now and go back to where you came from. Or maybe just buy some.
And finally, this one. It is the most painfully obvious and eye-rolling of the bunch, but damn if you don't choke up just a little bit at the end there. Damn you, Publix marketing people! Damn you!
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