Shrimpy Updates: On the trail of the office thief
We've made big gains today in the pursuit of justice in our office food theft scandal here at New Times. In case you missed it, a number of shrimp were stolen yesterday from New Times' employee fridge, prompting an investigation that's shook the office to its very core.
This morning, our investigative team received a missive thought to originate from the salty paws of the Shrimp Thief him/herself. Take a look:
I am the shrimp bandit.
I ate those two shrimp, I didn't think it would make much of an impact. Considering it did, I will have a school of shrimp swimming in my belly the next time. Should you dare to bring in shrimp again.
Not only did I steal those two shrimp I did enjoy the cocktail sauce, I double dipped.
Our team is looking into the source of the mysterious e-mail as we speak, and we will no doubt find the criminal before the day's end. Authorities are not ruling out multiple suspects -- this may in fact be the early warning signs of a shrimping ring developing right under our noses. We have, however, developed an artist's rendition of the group's ringleader based on information collected.
We'll keep you posted as the story develops.
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