In case you missed it: Last night on theColbert Report
, host Stephen Colbert performed an on-air vivisection of Domino's Pizza's horriddocumentary-style ad campaign
that showcases corporate chefs fessing up to their just how bad their pizza is. Or, uh, was. Because, apparently, Domino's "faced their critics and reinvented their pizza from the ground up." The company now claims to be using better herbs, a whole new crust, and "real cheese."
Jesus, what was on it before?
What I find most funny about the video posted on the Domino's ad website
(besides Colbert's mockery of it) is how hard the company claims its
chefs worked on the new formula. "We basically had to start over," says
one executive. "We worked hard to find the best combination of...10
crust types, 15 sauces, and dozens of cheeses." Give me a break.
the formula for good pizza that difficult? Making a pie is not like
curing cancer or developing the nuclear bomb. What those chefs worked
so hard at was to find a way to make crap, processed ingredients that
will keep until the End Days taste marginally OK to the average
American palate. Maybe it takes some doing to develop a garlic butter
sauce for the crust that you can mass produce and pump into 9000 stores
worldwide, I don't know. Either way, I sure as hell don't want to eat
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
I'm really not the least bit interested in trying Domino's new pizza.
No matter what their campaign asserts, it's likely to still be only a
vague interpretation of the real thing. Not to mention, it's not exactly difficult (or expensive) to find real pizza these days.