Buffets tend to be the butt of many a foodie joke.
Sure, it's mass-produced food that in many cases is sitting out for hours on end, but there are times when you just need piles and piles of food, all at once.
It's called being stoned.
Look, all legal issues aside (uneven incarceration rates, potential medical benefits, and the millions of other problems that arise from its current legislative state), there's nothing wrong with giving yourself a little case of the munchies from time to time -- unless you get drug-tested on the regular, of course.
Yes, you might be stuffing your face with thousands of unnecessary calories, but some studies do claim that smoking pot may help you lose weight.
In honor of 4/20, we figured it was about time to round up the area's best all-you-can-eat destinations.
So light up that bowl, find a designated driver (i.e., your frequently drug-tested friend), and get ready to shove massive piles of food into your face. Here are the ten best buffets in Broward and Palm Beach counties.
10. Texas de Brazil
Brazilians and Texans don't have much in common -- aside from their mutual love of piles of grilled meat. It's all about hospitality here; without even having to get out of your seat, servers will bring you copious cuts of meat like: seasoned beef, lamb, pork, chicken, and Brazilian sausage. For those who require some fiber in their diet, the salad bar offers 50 to 60 options of ruffage, starches, and Brazilian cheese bread. With fancy décor and a regular dinner price of $46.99 per person, this place might be a bit classier than your run-of-the-mill buffet, but it'll satisfy your munchies in the same exact way.
If "herbal" is in the title, you know it's got to be good. This West Palm Beach Indian spot offers a lunch buffet every Tuesday through Sunday that will have you feeling excited about the herb you just smoked. For the bargain price of $10.99, you can sample from a constantly changing array of Indian herbal deliciousness. Dishes range from vegetarian lentils, okra, and puri (chickpeas in a fragrant sauce) to chicken tikka, tandoori chicken, and halva kebabs with spinach. Finish it off with some rice pudding or other dessert and you'll be as happy as a hippie in a Colorado grow house.
8. The Knife
While it seems to be changing, many believe frequent marijuana smokers sway toward the hippie-vegan-tofu-loving side of the food world. Sure, that stereotype exists, but in most cases, that couldn't be further from the truth. Many a weed smoker enjoys eating meat, lots and lots of meat. This Florida-based chain caters to those folks. With a large charcoal grill, this Argentine all-you-can-eat spot offers copious amounts of high-quality meat for one low set price (dinner is $28.50 after 6 p.m.). And if you feel like spoiling your appetite, there's a salad bar with plenty of greens, starches, and a couple more proteins for good measure.
Buffets are a mixed bag of options. While you can obviously choose to sample from a diverse selection of dishes, many stick to one type of cuisine or another. Not this one. This place is the ultimate for indecisive potheads. For just $20.25 Monday through Thursday nights (it's a few extra bucks on the weekends), it's all over the map with options, such as Peruvian ceviche, Italian carpaccio, French crème brûlée, Latin-style roast pork, and New England lobster bisque. Even with all that, Asian is still a big part of the plan. Selections span from lo mein and pork fried rice to sashimi and sushi rolls.
Rumor has it that Takeru Kobayashi, the world-famous Japanese competitive eater, trains by stuffing tremendous amounts of sushi in his gullet -- and he's not overly large. If you follow his method, sushi would be the best munchie item in the world. This place has some of the freshest endless fish and rice dishes around. If raw seafood isn't your thing -- or you're just looking for something that sounds more filling -- it also serves an array of cooked entrées, hibachi, and dim sum. And it's all for $16.95 on weeknights, $19.95 on weekends (for dinner). Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Some things are easier to wrap your head around when you're under the influence, like the underlying meaning of the hard-to-pronounce dishes at this Persian restaurant. Although it doesn't offer gluttonous American-style eating all the time (the buffet is offered only at lunch during the week), when it does, it's surely worth the daytime baking session. For just $11.95 per person, the endless selection of unique Iranian fare is sure to satisfy your intense hunger pangs. Although it changes frequently, the spot serves chicken and beef kebabs, veggies, two types of rice, Persian stews, hummus, yogurt, salads filled with items like parsley, and multiple desserts.
For some reason, we just think piquant Indian (and Pakistani) food and pot go together. It could just be the filling nature of it, but there's something about aromatic exotic spices that just conjure associations of Nag Champa, which evokes weed. Whatever. If you're looking to get a daytime weekday all-you-can-eat fix, come to this place. Located in a nondescript Davie strip mall, this Indian/Pakistani/American restaurant offers a constantly rotating selection of South Asian delicacies every Tuesday through Friday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. for just $8.99 apiece.
3. Crazy Buffet
Eating never-ending portions of food seems like a crazy endeavor -- for a sober person. But for those looking to cure a serious case of the munchies, the more food, the better. This aptly titled eatery offers Asian fare for American heavy eaters. This place proffers an endless sushi bar, mountainous raw bar, overflowing hibachi grill, soups, salads, and even Peking duck starting at just $9.99. And obviously, the obligatory supersized selection of sweet treats is there to finish you off before you head to your car to smoke some more.
When most people think buffet, they conjure images of gray meats that are on the borderline of the "dangerzone" (the restaurant term for "may give you food poisoning"). That idea is in no way appealing to anyone -- that's right, even potheads don't want to get in on that shit. For anyone looking to attempt a case of the meat sweats, Chima should be the go-to option. The Las Olas restaurant is not exactly inexpensive (it's $52.50 without drinks and tip), but if you're appetite is big enough (i.e., if you're as high as you can possibly get), you can get your money's worth of prime meats. The list is long with options like lamb, steak, sausage, chicken, and seafood. And the salad bar is even more extensive, with an array of culture blending selections, like Waldorf salad and feijoada. And there's no pallid protein to be found on the premises.
For those of us with appetites (at least, on certain occasions), sushi just doesn't cut it. Sure, it's delicious, but it's expensive as all hell, and 20 minutes after leaving the restaurant, we're so hungry we could eat an elephant -- or, at the minimum, an entire blue fin. This Fort Lauderdale place solves your stoned sushi cravings. For one set price (starting at $10.95 for lunch), guests of this all-you-can-eat emporium are invited to nosh on tons of fresh fish, soup, spring rolls, tempura veggies, desserts, and even hot-off-the-grill hibachi you order straight from the grill master (a server will bring it to your table, so you don't have to wait).
Follow Sara Ventiera on Twitter, @saraventiera.
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